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A memoir of the Holocaust
By Jacob Zylberman
The online version
© Copyright 1995, 2000, Jack Zylberman
The unearthly dialogue
One "Shavuot" (Pentecost) at the reading of "Akdomis Millin," one is reminded, if all the forests on earth had been transformed into quills, and all the oceans into ink, one would be unable to describe the wonders of God – the same goes for the atrocities of the Holocaust.
The human species is complex, their behavior intricate, the golden rule cast aside, and the tragedy is, that the perpetrators forget their actions, only those who suffer, remember. And so few are left to remember.
The train raced through cultivated stretches of land, approaching the Danube, the frontiers of Austria. Then, without incident, it crossed the Soviet Zone of Vienna into the American zone, the Rothschild Hotel, Jacob to be pleasantly surprised by the people he spent Passover with in Russia.
Two days later they passed Linz, Salzburg, the hilly city of Mozart and glitter of the snow-covered peaks of the Tyrol mountains radiating like an unbroken necklace of diamonds.
Another U.S. correspondent, a tall, bespectacled man in an Eisenhower jacket, interviewed teenagers, more forthcoming with answers than their elders, the correspondent intermittently wiping his fogged glasses.
One could not help but wonder why the American cried, why was anybody interested in stories most people hesitate to read, especially tragic experiences of children. They were supposed to be happy, to sing and dance, not be cooped up in the jaws of a train, unaware of where they were to be spit out next.
Nearby the familiar figure of the old Jew read the Book of Psalms, praising the Almighty God for His benevolence, graciousness, and blessings upon the children of Israel.
Jacob’s companions slept soundly, but not he, his restless mind outrunning the speeding train, soaring in strange surroundings, getting involved in an unearthly dialogue.
"Who is there? What are you doing on this mountain? How did you get here?" a thundering voice disturbed the quiet of the night. "This is forbidden territory, where no living soul has ever been before."
Awestruck, Jacob saw nothing, just a gray misty fog behind the horizon. The solitude painfully contrasted with the ringing in his ears, and the beating of his heart, he breaking into a cold sweat, his eyes closed, when the voice continued.
"Do not fear, my son. I want to speak to you; it is a long while since I kept company with a mortal – indeed, a very long time by your calculation."
"But, what do you want of me?" Jacob stammered. "Am I really your son? My father is dead, murdered by the sons of Amaleck, years ago."
"Call it what you wish. Still, I am your father, your father’s father, father of mankind – creator of the universe. I am Jehovah, your God!
"Occasionally I leave my heavenly abode, golden throne, angels and Seraphim, away from the hosannas, hallelujahs, to enjoy the solitude of this place.
"Now, alone with a mortal, I want to hear what he has to say, there must be a reason for your presence here. So tell me what’s on your mind, it’s your golden opportunity, though I must warn you that I know everything. I am God, your Creator, and don’t you forget it!
"So, speak, and I shall listen!"
As if in a trance, Jacob heard himself reply, "I don’t know what to say, how to address You – Sir? Father? God? Your Majesty? Let me put it this way. When I was young, very young, I prayed a lot, often spoke to God – but not God to me. Once I asked a favor, and He granted it.
"I did not see but felt His presence. I spoke to Him but not person to person – excuse me, person to God. This is the first time. Come to think of it, I have never seen an angel either, but I saw Moses, during an eclipse.
"There he was, a long crooked cane in his hand, standing on the edge of the sun. But that happened a very long time ago. Many things changed since; so did I. Still, I am perplexed, I don’t even know how to address You!"
"True, I have many names, many titles; but, you can disregard the ceremonies. You are free to speak to me as to someone you see every day. Think of me as an ally worthy of your confidence. Yet it is fair to remind you, although you cannot see me, I can see you. I created you in my image, that alone should suffice."
"Then, You want me to speak my mind? I will. But I must warn You, You might not like it. It is an accumulation of experiences buried deep within me, thoughts imprisoned for many years. I am willing to reveal them, if You will hear me out from the beginning to the end.
"That is my condition."
"All right," the voice said, Jacob detecting a chuckle.
"My son, humility is a great asset, I do not practice it, but you should. For you it is necessary, it might not only help you, it might save you. So, go ahead."
"Well," Jacob began, "let me start from the time when I was a little boy learning where my loyalties belong – love my family and God, respect my neighbors, society at large.
"From morning till night I studied, inculcated at a cost my parents could not afford, often sacrificing my belly to feed my brains.
"As time went by, a child, then another, complemented our growing family, my father the perennial optimist, his belief in the Almighty not faltering."
One summer afternoon I learned of an experience which in time magnified to catastrophic proportions. I was accused of "Deicide," branded as an unbeliever, snickering remarks insulting, demeaning my faith. Those incidents and others far more serious paved the way to many questions.
"After I turned 13, officially becoming a man, I began to see the reality. My people, destitute, ridiculed, their integrity wounded, they, left to themselves and their Jehovah, dwelled in a fool’s paradise, and to Him they turned believing in miracles.
"In search for answers my inquisitive nature drove me down unfamiliar paths, resulting in doubt, and ultimately in open rebellion. The rift between me and my maker deepened, a trust I lovingly nurtured sinking in the realms of bleak emptiness, erasing my last vestiges of belief.
"Civilization went berserk, falling to its nadir. Man’s cruelty exceeded his vile corrupted conscience. Mankind, bent on destruction, sacrificed others, in the name of gods and demigods. And you, King of Kings, witnessed the slaughter of Your people, their lament reaching the high heavens.
"You, the Shepherd of the flock, stood idly by, with a chilling indifference let your sheep be burned, gassed, buried alive. … The Great Jehovah not blinking an eye?
"Why did You let it happen? Why? It was not only a disgrace to mankind. Even more to You, and Your Kingdom!
"Thus, not preventing the annihilation of Your children was tantamount to Your collaboration.
"The only explanation which stands to reason is: If God can create man, so man can create God, a clever invention, a sly trick.
"Individuals of sick, warped minds, exploiting the glum weakness, gullibility of their fellow man, found a perfect solution for solving any problems, by prayer, or by fire.
"They created God.
"That I will neither forget, nor forgive."
Drenched in perspiration, Jacob waited for a reply, hoping that it was a trick of his imagination, the make-believe games he often spun. But this was not the same. To meet God himself, His velvety voice ringing in his ears, was beyond him, his anxious heart pumping, moments of anguish lasting.
As one standing before the court of justice waiting for the verdict, so did Jacob in turbulent expectation anticipate the voice of the judge, the Supreme One.
At last he heard Him. At first a whisper from afar, then the familiar voice in a steady, assured tone breaking through the quiet of the night.
"My son, I listened to you as patiently as any human could. Now I will reply to your accusations, so you and other mortals can understand. I will speak to you as God.
"Surely, you know that at times you were disrespectful, arrogant, outright impertinent, typically human. But I must nevertheless say, you were sincere, overtly straightforward; and for that I forgive you.
"I would rather face an honest opponent standing tall in his tenet, than a dishonest charmer. I prefer a true opinion from an honorable man to an outright lie from a smiling hypocrite. Because cheats, hypocrites and demagogues are the infectious diseases threatening your world.
"Nevertheless I must insist that on the planet you live on, aside from the other creatures, you are the most intelligent of all – incomparable. You are the epitome, the sum of my efforts. A faithful mirror of myself.
"I surrounded you with the Garden of Eden, a loving companion, until curiosity shattered your equilibrium.
"From the beginning of time, you made great progress. Your inventive mind alleviated the burdens of your being. You had the wisdom to cherish the truth, condemn the lie, greed, satisfaction, love and hate. All the attributes were within you.
"You, the guardian of the globe, having the genius to distinguish good from evil, a choice only you could make.
"You, the keeper of the house, as the results of your undoing became also its prisoner. You, the captain of the ship, were negligent, sorely remiss at the rudder, a legacy you so tragically squandered.
"You were given the opportunity to choose leaders, and what did you select?
"There is a saying among you earthlings – ‘The way you make your bed, that is the way you lie in it’ – and I am sorry to say, you made it badly. Moreover, you never learned from your mistakes, repeating them in ever more enormous blunders. Your imagination, gains in technology and science, could even cause your ultimate destruction.
"If you in your collective wisdom, or worse yet, foolishness, agree – then so be it. Do not blame me.
"In my wisdom, I created you from ashes. You, in your vindictive stupidity, will turn everything to ashes.
"But let me say this before I return to my quarters. I feel that all is not lost. My earth is still a haven, a most beautiful place for you mortals. Nothing is more worthwhile, more ideal than living there.
"One thing more. If you lost trust in me, then renew the trust in your fellow man. Turn your face to sunshine, not to the gloom of the dark. Let your pride give way to humility, anger to calm.
"Give hate and love a chance to meet halfway. Bury the hatchet of destruction and death, strive diligently for the brotherhood of mankind. The destiny of the world is in your hands.
"This my son will be the greatest tribute to you and me. Because we are a part of each other – inseparable. You cannot exist without me – nor I without you."
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