The Bad...

Original Sin

In the early 80’s a movie entitled “Last American Virgin” inflicted itself upon us. This movie taught us that not only do nice guys finish last they are to be trampled underfoot without remorse but with impunity. There are probably bigger losers than the happless fool who was the title character in this movie, but we’ll never know because anyone a bigger loser than that mendicant does not posses the power of speech.

Which brings us to the second biggest loser in movie history, Luis from “Original Sin.” I’ve been there, baby. I’ve had women as HOT at Angelina Jolie press their plump, moist lips against my air and whisper they will love me in very way imaginable with body, heart, and soul if only I put my wallet on the table and leave the room for five minutes. Well, okay, I haven’t. But if that did happen, I’m sure I would relinquish my petty cash without a whimper. Give her complete access to my fat bank account as Luis did in this movie? Um, no. But only because I’ve been burned before. But I understand why he got taken the first time. And he had the resources to recoup those losses fairly quickly, so it actually served as a pretty good test of his new wife.

But when he fell for the same rope a dope (with the emphasis on “dope”) a second time I started throwing things at the screen! Not even Moron Face from “Being John Malkcovich” was THIS pathetic!

And then there was the Transparent Man, sneering Thomas Jane, who is equally unconvincing as: 1) An innocent private dick (Um, wouldn’t Luis mention this mysterious investigator to the missing girl’s sister after she told him the letter was not in her sister’s handwriting? Of course, if he does that the “plot” of the rest of the movie comes crashing down like the flimsy house of cards it is!) 2) A menacing bad guy (Mork from Ork was scarier) 3) A dead guy (it’s funny that Luis and the slutty murdering wife are the only two people on the planet who forgot that Thomas was an ACTOR so of course he would have access to blanks! Plus, if Mrs, Slut wasn’t in on it like the film perpetrates she’s not, why did she insist Luis not touch him and immediately leave? That’s about as likely as the ending to “The Game” !!!)

I’ll leave you with some quotes from other reviews. :-P

“...run-of-the-mill trash ...” San Francisco Chronicle

“Wages of Sin? Sitting through this lame film.” USAToday

Shadow Dog sez...

Any movie where a man masturbates Angelina Jolie on camera can't be ALL bad, can it?

Unfortunately, yes. -