The Good...

Minority Report

What if you could reach out and rip aside the confines of the present and peer into the future with your greedy little eyes? I guess most people (not encumbered with my own vicious self absorption) would try and save the world or at least prevent murders ... which is exactly how the government uses the Seers in this movie.

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Personally, I would use the three Seers to make my preseason football predictions SOLID. I’d also use them to tell me which movies are going to suck tons of ASS so I’d never have to write another Butt Fugly review. They would also come in handy to tell me which McDonalds server is going to forget the pickles AGAIN so I can request a different person make my sandwich.

My number one use for a Seer, though, would be to tell me what people are going to say to me in conversations ahead of time so I can pass their spot quiz when they realize I am not paying attention to them AT ALL but am merely waiting for my next chance to speak.

But if you want to waste your time preventing brutal murders ... whatever.

Anyway, this movie tackles this issue in a fast paced, interesting, and exciting way. Tom Cruise was excellent, though I AM getting tired of so many loving close ups of his sweaty face. Does he have a lifetime contract with a face deodorant company or something? Tom Cruise sweats more than Richard Simmons carrying Rosie O’Donnell down from the top floor of the Empire State Building ... that is a known fact. But does the camera have to do a Star Wars trench shot up his neck and across his face every time his pores gush open?

The other annoyingly bizarre thing was Steven Spielberg’s “I’m gonna wash that color right outta that shot!!” approach to lighting in this movie. Judging from the light intensity in this picture, the shooting of “Minority Report” is single handily responsible for every blackout in California last year. Hey Steve, for your next movie can you toggle the lighting back to Washington Monument floodlight from the surface of the sun lighting you did in this one?

I’m not saying most of the picture was washed out, but I thought Tom Cruise’s exwife was played by Oprah until I saw the movie poster on the way out.

One good side effect of this manic lighting? The gratuitous geyser o’ snot scene AND the endless projectile vomiting scenes are not as bad when the image is so washed out it makes old “Underdog” cartoons seem vibrant.

One really cool thing about this movie? There has now finally been a movie made with more weird characters than “Twin Peeks” and “U-Turn” PUT TOGETHER!! WOO HOO!! Take that Stevo!!! :-D

Minor griping aside, let us shout “Huzzah!” that Steven Spielberg has kicked the Oscar gorilla off his back for at least one movie and made his most enjoyable effort since ... um ... some good movie he did back in the day.

Shadow Dog Sez...

If PreCrime had been using Police Dogs, Cruise would have been a Gainsburger a whole day before he was supposed to commit a murder!! :-D -