The Ugly...

Kate and Leopold

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Hi Larry Lunchmeat! Sit down!”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Thanks! Did you like my ‘Kate and Leopold script!?”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Um, yeah, it’s great. The chicks will dig it. I just have a few questions.”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Shoot.”

Dexter: “Don’t tempt me. >:-#”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “My first question is, How much CRACK were you on when you wrote this piece of >:-#???”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Actually, I prefer hard whiskey. Why?”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Did you know that elevators have been around since the third century BC? Albeit animal powered, but elevators nevertheless.”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Um, I had no idea.”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Did you know that steam powered elevators were common by the mid 1800s? Indeed, by 1853 they even had safety devices invented which would stop the cars if the cable broke?”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Really? But during my 20 seconds of research I clearly saw in the grade school history book I skimmed that the electric elevator was invented in 1880.”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Is that why you have Leo and everyone he talks to at the beginning acting like he’s never HEARD of a >:-#-ing elevator before? Because you didn’t look one paragraph up in your grade school history book?”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Hey, I had a romantic comedy to write, who has time for research?”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “What about this Otis crap? You couldn’t even be bothered to find out that the named Elisha Otis (the one who invented that safety device I mentioned) was NOT a butler? That whole Otis is my buddy so I’ll name my elevator company after him was the LAMEST thing in the movie, and that’s saying A LOT!”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “There’s an elevator company named after Otis? I used that name because that’s my pet pig’s name.”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Okay, let’s pretend that we don’t have a brain and that there were no elevators before 1880.”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “I can easily pretend I don’t have a brain!”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Okay, the Duke is brought forward in time, and when this happens he can’t have invented the elevator in the past because he is currently in the future. So far so good. Now, leaving aside the obvious fact that someone else would have quickly invented the electric elevator (perhaps the German man who actually did it in real life?), and even ignoring as I said the fact that by 1876 you couldn’t go two blocks without seeing a elevator, you proceed to show the consequences of what would happen if no one invented the elevator.”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Yep, I sure do! Leo HAS to go back because things will go to hell if he doesn’t!”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Elevator cars disappearing so that people fall down empty elevator shafts??????” {Faces monitor screen}”I am NOT making this up, folks!" {points at Larry Lunchmeat} "This MORON has people falling down empty elevator shafts because no one invented it elevator!!”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “What’s the problem? No one invented the elevator, so the cars would be missing. When Leo returns to his time, things will return to normal.”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “...”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “WHAT?!”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “You are a menace to society, you know that? You should be locked up for our safety! No one as stupid as you should be allowed to roam freely!”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “I don’t see the problem! How could there be elevator cars if no one invented the elevator? D~UH!”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “If the cars are missing because they haven’t been invented, what are the elevator SHAFTS doing there? Why do people still know about and comment on the missing elevators?”

Scriptwriter Larry Lunchmeat: “Oh, my, look at the time! I have a lunch date with the writer of ‘A Simple Plan.’” {runs off}

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Shoot, I didn’t get a chance to ask him how Kate’s brother could get a picture of her back in the past when she didn’t arrive at the party until hours after he ran off. Indeed, the only time she spent in the ballroom was standing in the very doorway her brother took the pictures from, so he COULDN’T have photographed her! Or, for that matter, how Leo could arrive back in the past BEFORE he left and NOT run after the brother the second time but the time circle still works? How is that possible?”

Humble Assistant: “So that’s it, sir? You’re axing the movie?”

Big Cheese Studio Moron: “Of course not! The movie going public are a bunch of imbeciles! They’ll love this movie because it has Hugh Jackman and Meg Ryan swapping red hot bunny love! I just wish romantic comedy scriptwriters would stay out of areas of fiction which require more research than talking to your hairdresser and more brain cells than needed to order an espresso!”

Humble Assistant: “A lightweight scriptwriter could get hurt straying too far from the fold, sir.”

Shadow Dog sez...

To quote "Not Another Teen Movie" this movie puts the ASS in embarassment! >:-# -