The Bad...

Stigmata

So what have we learned from this movie? Let’s break it down.

1) It would really, really, REALLY suck to have Stigmata ... unless you’re into body piercing then it would be kinda cool and save tons of money.

2) Patrica Arquette is hot when covered with bleeding, gaping wounds; when cussing out a priest while wielding a sharp knife; when possessed by evil spirits and speaking gibberish; even when the pupils of her eyes are missing. Some babes couldn’t maintain their hotness under some or all of these circumstances.

3) There are producers out there who don’t think there have been enough religious / Good vs Evil / scripture heavy / horror movies made yet and they are bound and determined to compensate for this egregious oversight.

4) Satan is OVER. Who needs Satan anymore? We just need bitter priests who can somehow survive death, possess a woman living across the hemisphere, infect her with Stigmata, pick up subway cars (Priest must have been working out after he died because he was thin as a rail but his ghost was STRONG), pick up a human body and twirl it in the air, and set elaborate fires instantaneously! If a priest can die and learn how to do all that in couple days then Satan SUCKS and we just don’t need him in our horror movies anymore. Maybe comedy, but only if he promises to never work with Adam Sandler again. Maybe Satan should branch off into Romantic comedies or musicals or something.

5) Jesus has V. C. Andrews agent! 2000 years after his death he is still putting out new books! I just love the fact that DEAD people are publishing more than I am! >:-#

Other than teaching me all that, this movie wasn’t as horrible as it could have been. The DVD’s deleted scenes reveal that Patrica died at the end in the original cut, and that would have pissed me OFF. But those deleted scenes reveal it wasn’t as good as it could have been either. The buck naked, hot, sweaty, naked breast revealing scene was removed, which pissed me OFF. Sometimes a movie just can’t win with me.

Still, Dogma did the long tedious expositions about the bible in a more entertaining way and they didn’t cut out their nude scene! True, the nude person in that case was Chris Rock, but hey, naked is naked, beggars can’t be choosy! :-P

Shadow Dog sez:

We should start calling this page "The Bible" instead of "The Bad." Has there ever been a good horror movie involving the bible besides that Pea Soup spitting one? Wake me up when Linda Blair picks up another crucifix! Zzzzzz...

The Omega Code

There are people who believe that the bible contains hidden codes that can unlock the mysteries of the universe. Of course, there are people who believe that 5’8” tall woman who weigh 82 pounds are hot. There are still people who believe the world is flat. And there are probably people who believe “The Omega Code” isn’t the biggest waste of time since pinball machines.

The biggest foreshadowing of doom I felt during the movie was not anything concocted by the writers but came as I watched the opening credits. You know you’re in trouble when you see that the main cast is made up of TV rejects (Michael Ironside and Catherine Oxenberg) and two actors who list as their premiere work two of the most tedious movies of the past 25 years (Michael York, “Austin Powers” and Casper Van Dien, “Starship Troopers”). Those four actors are fine when they are fall in at 5th or 6th down the cast list, especially the two Michaels, who have done several memorable villains in past movies and TV shows. But when those four are the first four names you see at the beginning of the movie, the audience should begin looking for the closest exit door.

However, the biggest problem with this movie is the ending. There is a disturbing movie trend in recent years of leaving the audience hanging at the end with weakly insinuated endings that all but cry out “We couldn’t think of anything profound or cool so we’ll just end the movie ... um ... right HERE!” If you’ve seen “Lost Souls,” “Mission to Mars,” or “The Ninth Gate” you’ll know exactly what I mean. “The Omega Code” tops all of these with the lamest TAG YOU’RE IT ending of all. Whatever happened to closure? To an actual ending? To saying something profound rather than saying that something profound happens right after the end of the movie? These mysteries, much like the mystery of what exactly the scriptwriters of “The Omega Code” was smoking, will likely never get solved.

The other problem with this movie is that the protagonist (Casper) is actually a notagonist. He sits around and watches everything happen without affecting it in the slightest way to such an extent that you would think he was Alan Greenspan and not the main character in a movie. When Casper escapes death it is not through any ingenuity or physical action on his part but because of a timely betrayal by the bad guy’s underling. At the end of the movie, the day is saved (and the lame final ending it set up) not by the notagonist but by two annoying “angels” who magically take care of everything. Even the angels knew he was a spineless weasel because they gave him the false final code. Sure enough, Casper folded like a cheap suitcase and handed it over at the first sign of trouble from the main bad guy. Why is Casper Van Dien’s character even IN this movie? I would have been happier if they just strapped a camera on him and let him follow around the people who are actually taking action and doing things. Which, now that I think about it, was what they did in essence.

The description on the back of the box finishes by asking the following two questions: “Will events unfold as told through the prophesies? Or will all four learn the ultimate lesson from a supreme force greater than us all?”

In that spirit, I have a couple questions of my own. But unlike the movie did for those two questions, I will actually answer mine. “Will this movie follow the same formula that countless other pseudoreligious Good vs. Evil movies have used? Will the audience learn a tragic lesson about allowing the supreme force of the Hollywood Marketing Machine persuade it to watch this movie?”

Yes and (hopefully) yes!

Shadow Dog sez:

Watching this movie was kinda like getting "fixed" except that what was removed from me was not a body part but my will to live. Avoid this dog of a movie at all costs!

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