He would have celebrated his 38th birthday on December 15th. He died alone in a bathtub at a group home in Kingston. His funeral was on Father's Day and he was cremated before I could arrive to attend his services.
On December 24th Christmas Eve 2002, through mail from the Registrar General of Ontario, I learned that Robin's death has been determined after criminal investigation by Kingston Police and finally, by forensic study at Toronto, to be of natural cause...Sudden Death Related to Epilepsy. Robin's daily meds included Haldol, Cogentin, Topamax and, Divalproex. The Coroner's report states he had received an extra dose of Haldol earlier in the day because he was "agitated" (which is to say, his persistent efforts to run away back home since November 4th, 1994, the day he was removed from my custody as sole caregiver by court order in his mother's favour in a never-to-be-resolved custody dispute). Robin spent the next 9 months in Prince Albert Mental Health Centre (read "Insane Asylum").
He was discharged in July 1995 and placed in a group home at Porcupine Plain, Saskatchewan, 250 miles from home. He lived there until May 2000 and we were allowed access every 8 weeks. In May 2000, he was flown to Ontario for one month's vacation with his sisters and mother. On May 10th, after disclosing to his sister he'd been raped repeatedly by his male group home caregiver, his mother committed him to a Kingston, Ontario psychiatric facility where he remained another 9 months. During that period, I was dismayed to learn he'd been given a Haldol injection to pacify him. There was nothing I could do to help him except to stay in touch by phone and mail. He was discharged in March 2001 to a Kingston group home.
On June 13th, 2002, his caregiver stated she had left him, an epileptic, alone in the bathtub about 6:15 pm, BUT had checked on him 15 minutes later. When found to be unresponsive, he was sitting up-right, his head above water, his eyes open and fixed.
On September 28th, Robin's cremains were sealed into a marble pedestal at Rideau Memorial Gardens on Montreal, West Island, not far from his mother's residence.
In July 2001, I entered hospital(s) and was diagnosed with anemia and kidney failure. In August, I heard another diagnosis: Salmonella Heidelberg food poisoning. In and out of hospital all winter....and so, we never got to visit my son Robin at Kingston as planned. The last time we saw Robin was immediately before Eva's knee replacement in January 2000.
Our foster son, Dennis, was Cree. Dennis died suddenly here at Spiritwood in September 2002 at age 42. Attending his funeral at Witchekan Lake Indian Reserve on September 28th, the same day Robin's cremains were interred at Montreal, John George, a Cree Elder said to me, "I just learned that your son died, Mike. I am sorry. We all know that if they'd left him with you, he'd still be alive today." - Mike
After taking a few psychology courses at northeastern community college A, I decided that I wanted to become a psychologist for physically disabled young adults. Reading novels, such as Becoming A Person and A Way Of Being written by Carl Rogers inspired me to spend the next nine years working towards my Bachelors Degree. Carl Rogers was a humanistic psychologist who practiced client centered therapy during the 1960s. He strongly believed that clients would be mentally healthy through having talk therapy sessions. In other words, they would feel better by venting their feelings and thoughts to a psychologist.
When I become a psychologist, I wish to practice Carl Rogers' techniques. It is essential to listen to physically disabled young adults and properly respond to their emotional needs. I also would teach my clients how to advocate for their rights. In addition, I would provide them with appropriate resources regarding educational, social, and employment services. The majority of psychologists are not educated and trained to treat the physically handicapped population. From personal experiences, they medicate and institutionalize physically disabled young adults.
EVERY human problem boils down to a conflict between:
1. the way we THINK things ought to be, and
2. the way we THINK things are.
MOST people blame everything and everyone BUT themselves for their problems. They 'kick the dog', they try to manipulate other people to change...because they blame THEM for their OWN problem. People have no 'hidden needs for manipulation and control.' What they have is an UNhidden need for appreciation and when this need is frustrated, they react just like frustrated little children!!! One Hand
With this in mind, I was fully determined to write a senior thesis concerning physically disabled young adults. Not only I wanted to be accepted into a graduate school, I also wanted to educate the college population that the physically handicapped are people who have psychological needs. Moreover, I asked my current academic advisor, "Would you be interested in assisting me to conduct a study regarding physically disabled young adults' emotional behavior?" Since my advisor specialized in children's and adolescence's emotional behavior, her eyes lit up like Christmas bulbs and she agreed to work with me.
Since I needed extra time and guidance for my thesis, I took an independent study. It was a pleasure exchanging ideas and designing the study with my advisor because we constantly communicated by email, telephone, and having meetings. I was astonished that she showed a real interest in studying the physically handicapped population because most professors showed very little interest in exploring this "taboo" subject.
In any event, my advisor and I decided to conduct a comprehensive study on physically disabled young adults' emotional behavior. This involved statistically measuring females and males refusing to eat in the present, females and males refusing to eat in the past, females' and males' levels of depression in the present, females' and males' levels of depression in past , where participants lived, participants' disabilities, the quality of participants' family relationships, participants' levels of education, participants' motivation to academically succeed, participants' employment goals, participants' personal goals, and participants' educational goals. These variables were going to help me to determine if physically disabled young adults' display significant emotional behavior.
Then, I had to gather scholarly research articles so that I could write up a literature review and a bibliography. First, I accessed the PsyLit Database and I retrieved a long list of article titles regarding the physically handicapped population. In order to obtain the actual articles, I had to visit the university's library. Not only the library was not wheelchair accessible, I could not physically locate the proper journals, leaf through the journals to find the articles that I had wanted, copy the articles, and staple the articles. In addition, my full-time home health aide did not have any library skills; therefore, she could not visit the library to collect the articles for me. If I could have gathered the articles myself, I would not had to ask the librarians for assistance. At first, the librarians refuse to help because they could not why I could not obtain the articles by myself or have my aide collect the article for me. Moreover, I had three psychology professors, excluding my advisor, explain why I could not gather the articles by myself to librarians. Without further hesitation, the librarians physically retrieved all the articles for me.
I sadly began to notice that my advisor was no longer interested in helping me. For instance, when I needed assistance from the librarians, she refused to advocate on my behalf. She communicated less with me through email or by telephone. In addition, I had to wait a month to receive comments on the literature review and bibliography. She gave me reasonable excuses for putting my study on hold such as her nine year daughter had the flu and she stayed home for an entire week. Since my advisor had been wonderful in helping me in the past, I believed she would not have had put my study on hold on purpose.
When my advisor finally met with me, it was such a relief finding out that I did an outstanding job on my literature review and bibliography. Then, we designed a survey that was composed of seventeen demographic, twenty depression, and six hope questions. Before electronically mailing this questionnaire to twenty discussion groups and newsgroups designed for the physically handicapped, I had to debrief the participants about who I was and why I wanted to conduct the study.
As soon I electronically mailed a formal introduction and survey, my advisor and I began receiving horrendous nasty messages from the group members. Apparently, they refused to participate in the study because they believed that I was a psychologist whom wanted to drug and institutionalized them. Their fear stemmed from knowing that most psychologists are not educated and trained to relate to the physically handicapped. In conjunction, the group owners highly suspected that I was a spammer; furthermore, they kicked me off their groups. My advisor suggested that I should stop my study because she did not know how to get me back on the groups and she was frightened that her email privileges would be taken away.
After six months of hard work, I simply refused to give up. Moreover, I asked another psychology professor to email a character reference letter to all of the group owners. Within a week, I was allowed to rejoin all the discussion and newsgroups. Surprisingly, the group members agreed to complete my survey. The questionnaire was also distributed at two small northeastern colleges. A total of one hundred participants completed the survey.
Once I gathered my data, I should have been able to use a statistical computer program, called SPSS, to analyze the data. Before Windows '95 was installed on the school computers, Windows 3.1 kept the computers humming. Unfortunately, Windows 3.1 did not an accessibility option to set Sticky Keys and Mouse Keys. I could not physically control a regular mouse. The only way that I could access the computer was by pecking the keyboard with my headpointer. In order to run SPSS, one had to use the standard mouse. The computer department promised to install software onto the computers, which would have enabled me to control the mouse through the keyboard. However, nobody, in the department, performed this simple task.
I wanted to complete my thesis before the end of the year and lecture at the northeastern university's psychological colloquium. As a result, I spent seven days (from 9a.m. to 9p.m.) typing one hundred rows and forty-three columns of data into a spreadsheet program. After I saved all of the data, another psychology professor took my data file and transferred it into SPSS. Once this had been completed, my advisor and I were able to analyze the data. Since writing up the results was difficult, I asked my advisor for help. She refused to help me at first by saying, "I only work with honor students. You should be able to write up the result section by yourself." So, I typed up the result section without knowing how to properly interpret the statistical tables. After submitting this in, my advisor finally helped me to interpret the results properly.
I made the following observations: Data supported hypothesis one, which stated that family is essential in participants' lives. Data failed to support hypothesis two which claimed that socialization occur more in small than large groups. Data failed to support hypothesis three which indicated that women are more prone to be depressed than men. Data failed to support hypothesis four which suggested that females are more likely to refuse eating than males. Data supported hypothesis five which remarked that all participants experience difficulties seeking employment, forming educational and professional goals. Data failed to supported hypothesis six concurred that women are more predictable to commit suicide than men. This meant that there was a significant discrepancy between the literature review and the results.
By the time I nearly finished my thirty-two page thesis, the psychological colloquium was already in progress. I was furious because if my advisor was more efficient in helping me, I would have been able to lecture at this conference. In addition, I was able to be at the northerneastern university on a daily basis due to having a full-time home health aide. Even though my advisor gave me an A, I still was not satisfied. The other nondisabled psychology majors, who wrote a thesis, received better guidance from their advisors, were able to use SPSS, gathered scholarly articles without experiencing any difficulties, and were able to participate at the conference.
One month later, my advisor suggested I should write a three page summary regarding my thesis and submitted to the Eastern Psychological Association for publication. In conjunction, I would had to fly to Boston and present the summary at a conference. I immediately informed my advisor that I would not be able to attend the conference due to my physical limitations. She promised me, "I shall find somebody to attend and present your summary at the conference." Keeping this in mind, I worked extremely hard to produce a well written summary. To my surprise, EPA accepted my summary. Then, my advisor told me, "You must withdraw from the Boston conference because I cannot find anybody to go in your place." A friend, from England, suggested that I should email the director of the EPA explaining the situation. After I contacted the director, he said, "If you snail mail your summary to me, I will present it at the Boston conference." So, I managed to do this, which was no easy task.
After I officially completed my thesis which took a year and two months, I was able to lecture on it at a conference held at school two semesters later due to having another good full-time home health aide. Since my aide made it possible for me to be at the northeastern university on a daily basis, I was able to make special arrangements with the psychology professor in charge of the colloquium. As result, a student was supposed to read my summary to the audience.
On the day of the colloquium, neither my parents nor my advisor came to hear me speak. The student reader had reading difficulties; furthermore, he could not read my paper. Furthermore, I stopped the reader and took over. Although I had problems speaking and I was unprepared, the audience amazingly understood me. If I did not have an aide, communicating with professors would have been impossible because they never answered my phone or email messages.
I was both thunderstruck and skeptical. Not a single person, who lived in the United States, was willing to volunteer his or her time to increase my odds of obtaining a job. Why would somebody, who lived in England, volunteer his time to help a severely physically disabled young woman? Even though I will never know the answer, I will always feel extremely blessed for knowing him. Once I mastered the art of programming in HTML, I designed this web page with my headpointer (a hat attached to a long metal rod).
Then, I printed it out to show respective employers from the northeastern university's computer department and career services. Even though they were highly impressed with my skills, they did not hire me to design web pages. Instead, nondisabled graduate students, who did not know anything about programming in HTML, were hired to design web pages. To this day, I am astounded that some employers would rather hire incompetent able-bodied than competent disabled applicants.
My advisor suggested that I should seek job counseling from the staff of the northeastern university's career services. After the staff taught me how to write a resume, they encouraged me to register with an agency that was specifically designed to assist physically disabled young adults obtain jobs. In order to register with this agency, one must pay the agency $50 per hour! Even I informed the staff, "I do not need special agencies to become employed. You do not refer able-bodied students to these agencies. Please, treat and respect me as a nondisabled student.", they had me meet two people who worked for the agency. The agency assisted the physically handicapped and mentally retarded to obtain low maintenance jobs such as being a janitor. I offered to design a web page for the agency; however, I was turned down.
In short, neither my advisor nor the other psychology professors were willing to help me to look into graduate school. Also, the staff from career services blindly suggested that sorting nails would be a suitable job. Instead of retiring to Florida, I wanted to earn a Computer Science Degree at northeastern community college B after graduating from the northeastern university May of 1999. In conjunction, I continued searching for a part-time job regarding designing web pages. I still have high hopes that someday, I will be a psychologist for physically disabled young adults.
After two years of advocating for my student's rights, I received an on-line MS Psychology Degree from Walden University in May of 2002. My graduate classes began March 2000. March flew by, and I was shaking my head in disbelief because on-line graduate school was EASIER than traditional undergraduate school in terms of completing the work. However, as soon as I started working on my thesis, I suddenly wished that I had the opportunity to attend a traditional graduate program. Also, my dreams shattered into tiny pieces all over again! Somehow, everything worked out just fine. Graduating was miracle!!!
Before I became employed, I pounded the payment from 1994 to 2005. Here is my experience. When the economy was good, I did not have a job. Now that the economy turned bad, I still did not have a job. Funny, various people kept referring me to Division of Vocational Rehabilitation / Division of Developmental Disabilities. When my non-disabled brother had difficulties finding a job, nobody referred him to Division of Vocational Rehabilitation / Division of Developmental Disabilities. Division of Vocational Rehabilitation and Division of Developmental Disabilities have never assisted me- Before attending Brookdale Community College, I went to my local Division of Vocational Rehabilitation plus Division of Developmental Disabilities. Numerous Division of Vocational Rehabilitation and Division of Developmental Disabilities counselors highly recommended that I should attend a sheltered workshop! I simply refused to sort nails, build bird houses, finger paint, learn numbers and the alphabet, etc. *The Division of Vocational Rehabilitation should help all people with disabilities instead of only one individual with a disability. Most disabled people, who want to attend college through the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation, are only allowed to be full-time students.* Eleven years later, I have my Masters in Psychology from Walden University and so many skills! I just wanted to be treated like "non-disabled" people. I did not want to utilize Division of Vocational Rehabilitation's / Division of Developmental Disabilities' services! I just wanted a "regular" job! I have accomplished so much more than the average "non-disabled" person! Please, read Superior Student, Seeking a Post-Secondary Education, and Professional Goals. For additional information, click on employment struggle.
On February 16, 2007, I submitted a course proposal to teach Psychology of Handicapped on-line for Middlesex County College. I quickly taught myself how to search for college textbooks and software because I never received any assistance. It was disheartening to rediscover that there are not many college textbooks on developmental disabilities. To my amazement, there are many textbooks about other minorities such as African Americans and Gender Issues. Why? It is quite simple. As long as people with disabilities do not have a voice, they must continue fighting the good fight in order to gain equal rights and equal opportunities. When I finally found an appropriate textbook, I was so thrilled! After the course proposal was approved on 4/4/2007, I designed Psychology of the Handicapped on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format. I collected numerous Internet links to support the course materials because the textbook did not come with SOFTWARE. I plan to teach this course as an adjunct during Spring 2008. Originally, I was going to teach it this Fall 2007.
On February 13, 2007, Dr. Anthony Balzano, Social Science Coordinator from Sussex County Community College, also responded to my e-mail concerning on-line teaching. He asked me to teach two sections of General Psychology! Since I will probably teach Introduction to Psychology and Psychology of the Handicapped next Fall for Middlesex Community College, I will only teach one section of General Psychology.
From 2/15/2007 to 3/1/2007, I designed General Psychology on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.5 format for Sussex County Community College. I plan to teach this course as adjunct during the Fall semester (9/4/2007 – 12/21/2007).
On September 8, 2005, the psychology chairman, from Middlesex Community College, responded to my e-mail regarding on-line teaching. To my amazement, he was so impressed with my credentials! Together, we both decided that I should design an on-line version of Introduction to Psychology! He mailed all the course materials to me. Then, I, with the wonderful assistance from the director of online instruction, created the on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format! Since I prepared my class before designing the on-line classroom, learning WebCT 4.1.1 was very easy! Hopefully, I, an adjunct, will be able to teach Introduction to Psychology next semester (Spring 2006)! For more information, see recommendation letters.
Being offered this opportunity is a dream come true because so many people have been saying, "You need to teach in a traditional manner before teaching on-line." for years! Also, I have been rejected from numerous schools since 2002. Since I have been fighting the good fight all of my life and accomplishing so much, I refused to give up on teaching on-line. I would like to thank Bernie Poole, my best friend and colleague, for being my touch stone. Second, I would like to thank Donna Rose, from the Monmouth Housing Alliance, for writing a brilliant recommendation letter. Third, I would like to thank John Gutowski, Middlesex Community College's psychology chairman, for giving me the chance to teach on-line! For additional information, click on Yvonne Singer: A Paragon of Perseverance by Irene Towt and Her greatest lesson is her tenacity by Chandra M. Hayslett.
From 3/28/2007 to 3/30/2007, I designed and revised an Introduction to Psychology on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format for Middlesex County College. I plan to teach this course as an adjunct during the Pre-Summer and Fall II semesters (5/21/2007 – 7/5/2007 & 9/24/2007 – 12/13/2007).
Starting 5/21/2007 to 7/5/2007, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for seven weeks (Pre-Summer I semester). Responsibilities included:
Beginning 11/28/2006 to 12/9/2006, I designed and revised an Introduction to Psychology on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format for Middlesex County College. I plan to teach this course as an adjunct during the Spring II semester (2/20/2007 - 5/8/2007).Starting 2/20/2007 to 5/8/2007, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for eleven weeks (Spring II semester). My responsibilities included:
Beginning 4/13/2006 to 5/19/2006, I designed and revised an Introduction to Psychology on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format for Middlesex County College. I plan to teach this course as an adjunct Pre-Summer and Fall II semesters (5/22/2006 – 7/7/2006 & 9/25/2006 – 12/14/2006).Beginning 9/25/2006 to 12/14/2006, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for eleven weeks (Fall II semester). My responsibilities included:
From 5/22/2006 to 7/7/2006, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for seven weeks (Pre-Summer semester). My responsibilities included: Starting 9/19/2005 to 12/14/2005, I designed and revised an Introduction to Psychology on-line classroom in WebCT 4.1.1 format for Middlesex County College. I plan to teach this course as an adjunct during the Spring semester (2/21/2006 - 5/9/2006).Beginning 2/21/2006 to 5/9/2006, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for eleven weeks (Spring semester). My responsibilities included:
In a word, the star has finally landed! Many people, with severe physical disabilities, are not employed! So, what makes me special? Not a damn thing!From May 2, 2005 to March 2, 2006, Monmouth Housing Alliance HIRED ME as an independent contrator! My website maintenance functions are to update general information as requested, to maintain bulletin board and notify staff of need for response, to respond to outside requests for links, to insure banners / ads are current and events haven't expired, and to change / update technology and language as appropriate. For more information, see recommendation letters.
Beginning 9/17/2004 to 5/2/2005, I have volunteered to edit web content, and to create and maintain a bulletin board for Monmouth Housing Alliance (http://www.housingall.com/). This volunteer assignment was made possible thanks to the United Way of Monmouth County. For more information, see recommendation letters.
Starting 7/13/2004 to 12/19/2005, I have volunteered to upgrade and maintain Dr. DeWindt’s DLA/DVTI Project Homepage (http://www.dla-dvti.org/). Before this, I volunteered to review her web site on 6/24/2004. For more information, see recommendation letters.
From 11/14/2003 to the present, I have volunteered my services to help maintain the EdIndex, a web portal to K-12 education resources managed by Bernie Poole, Associate Professor of Education at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown. Additional assignments included designing an animation, two menus, and a table with pop-up links. This portal may be viewed at (http://www.pitt.edu/~poole/edmenu.html). For more information, see recommendation letters.
One of several tasks I have been responsible for on this website has been writing reflections based on quotes from famous people in Poole’s Archive of Thoughts for Teachers located on the web at http://www.pitt.edu/~poole/ARCHIVE.HTML. Our goal is to have a Thought and accompanying Reflection for each day of the K-12 school year--180 in all. If there is interest, we plan to publish this in hard copy as a motivational booklet for K-12 teachers. For more information, see recommendation letters.
Beginning from 10/15/2003 to 10/17/2003, I volunteered to review Project Linus, NJ (http://www.blankiedepo.org/) Web Site.
Starting from 8/31/2003 to 9/28/2003, I volunteered to promote and to crop photos for LifeWise Community Projects, Inc. (http://www.lifewise-nh.org/) Web Site.
Beginning from 8/21/2003 to 8/23/2003, I volunteered to edit content to the World Association of Persons with disAbilities (WAPD) Web Site.
Starting from 11/7/2002 to 8/11/2003, I volunteered to help maintain the Monmouth County Department of Human Services web site. On 12/2/2005, I discovered that all my hard work was deleted from the site, and the site had been restored to the way it was before I worked on it. This meant that nobody else volunteered to work on this site. This is still very upsetting because I never understood why I was given the cold shoulder for designing a great site out of the goodness of my heart. For more information, see recommendation letters.
Mail!