If I was an apple or orange, this site would not exist! I am just a person with a physical disability.
Beginning 2/21/2006 to 5/9/2006, I taught an Introduction to Psychology on-line course at Middlesex County College for eleven weeks (Spring semester). My responsibilities included:
Just because I am physically disabled, does not give you permission to ask me questions concerning my financial circumstances! Why? Just like you, I AM A PERSON! Do not tell me that you love me, try to take advantage of me, and abandon me. This is not a friend or even puppy love.
It is my dream that more people, with disabilities, would socially interact with each other, and advocate altogether for their rights. Throughout the years, I sadly discovered that many disabled people do not wish to correspond with one another. In fact, they seem to be very jealous of my accomplishments. I have received numerous nasty and hurtful e-mail messages from them. This is truly unbelievable, ridiculous, and sad. I can completely understand their feelings of anger and frustration. Most people, with disabilities, do not have the opportunity to be mainstreamed into public school, to receive a high school diploma, to attend college, to be employed, and so on. In fact, many of them are institutionalized because their families refuse to LOVE them. On the other hand, one would think that disabled folks would want to strike up a friendship with me because we have a lot in common. Believe it or not, they think that they will be accepted by only associating with non-disabled people. However, very few non-disabled people are interested in being friends with disabled people. Although I will never understand this, I am still very committed to changing hearts and minds.
Hold on a second, she is just a crippled little boy
who wanders every mall in New Jersey.
The sad part about it is she cannot be a productive
citizen, what a waste of life!
She always wears a bright, gleaming smile telling the
whole world that being physically disabled is simply
beautiful.
Her spoken words are definitely heard without a
question, but they are never understood.
If her body movements did not represent a tremendous
oak tree swaying during a thunderstorm, then she
might be well liked.
Steering her power wheelchair in all crazy directions
reminds people that a drunk is on the loose.
***
How can she possibly function at a community college?
My god, she cannot keep her shoes on or count to ten!
Besides the point, her writing is nothing but trash.
Sending this poor girl to a sheltered workshop would be
an appropriate setting.
It does not matter where she is placed because she is
always happy.
Her parents are constantly arguing because they will
not accept her as a mentally retarded adult.
Holy smokes! She is simply brilliant for maintaining a
3.7 average to reach the top of the Dean's List.
Probably, her mother does all of her work.
She is just wasting so much time trying to accomplish
the impossible, which is to earn a degree in psychology.
She has very good intentions, but who would hire a
white, Jewish, severely physically disabled young lady?
It is too bad; so therefore, why bother to assist
her to create a bright, exciting future?
She should drop out and start raising a family.
***
What will happen to our daughter when we are old and gray?
Lets buy her an apartment so that she can live with
a full-time aide.
Great idea, but what if she is abused?
What if her aide abandons her?
Who is going to help her keep a budget?
What if she does not receive the proper care?
It just would not work out unless she marries or
becomes more independent.
Do not worry about her future.
By the time we hit our graves, she will be practically
normal and the world will never know that our little
girl has Cerebral Palsy.
So, she can hire part-time help to assist her during
the week and when we take vacations.
She is so intelligent that we do not have to prepare
her for the real world.
***
She always chases the blues away by sharing her life
experiences and cracking jokes.
She has a heart of gold that lights up the evening sky.
She is always waiting to greet you with open arms and
to wipe away your tears.
Her emotional pain might create sorrow; however, it
will inspire you to climb the highest mountain and
screech, "IT IS GREAT TO BE ALIVE!!!"
She expects to receive the same treatment because if
friends do not love her with tenderness, she will feel
guilty for not expressing enough kindness.
Sadness will fill her heart until it bursts.
If anyone asks her what is wrong, she may whimper, "I
do not like to be alone."
It is difficult to be honest and only hear lies that
just feed her fire of anger.
"IT IS NOT FAIR TO BE TREATED LIKE AN OBJECT! WHY ARE
PEOPLE BLIND? AND WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO IMPROVE MY
SOCIAL LIFE???" causes blood to glush from her fingers.
***
Who is she?
Nobody will know unless they are willing to speak to
her in a friendly manner.
She may dance to a different heartbeat, but her soul
cries out to reach for human contact.
Feel free to celebrate life with her just by shooting the breeze.
Dear Yvonne,
That all sounds good- but a caveat: at least here on the West Coast, "handicapped" is no longer the term preferred by the community. It is a people first language, so "people with disabilities", or "people with mental illness" etc.
Here is a quote from Ellen Perlow:
We are PEOPLE first, PEOPLE who happen to do things differently, PEOPLE/ AN INDIVIDUAL who happen[s] to have "differabilities." Don't we all? Is there such a thing as a perfect person? Let us regard and describe others positively, with the same respect and dignity which we ourselves would like to be accorded.
Thanks!!
Lynne Cutler
Disability Services Advocate
Congratulations on being published, Yvonne! The humanistic occupational and physical therapists that I had wouldn't let me get away with "I can't." I will always be indebted to them! When actors and others in the arts appear on "Inside The Actors Studio" for the MFA students, they are asked five questions, one of which is, "What is your least favorite word?" A significant number of artists answer, "Can't." I love that!
Elli
Yvonne,
I approve of the posting of my recommendation letter on your web site. Disabled people are not often seen for their abilities. In some small way, I hope my recommendation will assist with getting you some recognition for what you can do so well.
This life of ours is always (or should always be) a crusade for doing what is right.
Mark Twain quote:
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
I might add to Mark's quote my modest addendum:
It will also piss off many.
Your colleague and friend,
John
PS - A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac sat up all night questioning the existence of dog.
Heh, heh.
Sorry. But it felt funny to share this too.
Hi Yvonne. My name is Julie and I have been exploring your web page. My uncle Steven (who also has Cerebral Palsy) has your web page as a link on his web page. Your page rocks! Your attitude is even better, I envy your strength.
I feel very fortunate to have Steven in my life and although he may not always realize what a significant contribution he has made to society, I do. I think that if my cousins, my aunts, my uncles and now our own children and myself of course were not raised as we have been (treating my uncle Steven no different then anyone else in our family and understanding his abilities rather than focusing on his disabilities) that we would not be so open minded to the abilities of all disabled persons. That in itself is a contribution to society. Now as we grow older and have more of an impact in this crazy world we do not judge persons with disabilities, we do not assume that because one cannot walk or talk that they are not capable of making amazing and necesseary contributions to our society.
I could go on and on and on..... I will save you from my raving. I would like to thank you for allowing me to peek into your world - Thanks!
Julie Kestle
josenbrock@hotmail.com
Dear Yvonne,
I am so proud of you. I always respected you and marvelled at your will to excel. You are a true testimony to the resilience of the human spirit and mind. I sincerely hope, and I know it will be, that you will deliver an excellent course and find great personal satisfaction from teaching.
All the best,
Brian Garvey
PS: Note that we have just been elevated from an Honors Program to an Honors School, and I have been appointed Dean. It has been a long and very gratifying journey.
Brian Garvey, Ph.D.
Dean of the Honors School
Associate Professor of English
I was in touch with you before, don't know if you remember me at all. You told me to keep going and I did after what was a difficult time in my life and I thank you for your inspirational advice.
You're absolutely right in everything you say - nothing should ever come between you and a career, not even a disability.
Currently I am unemployed but I had worked on a certificate in IT for a number of years and I have it. I am wondering whether to continue persuing that career as it's quite difficult (no excuse I know..)
I should stop blabbering on. If you'd like to be friends with a 26 year old Irishman who has spina bifida you can email me and tell me how you're getting on.
Best regards,
James
Well, people's opinions like that are simply bad manners--your achievements are your hard work, intellect and perseverance, a monument to your life, but not a miracle. To me "miracle" has a negative connotation, and anything to do with your credentials and achievements shouldn't be slated "miracles," unless said degrees were simply bestowed upon you. But they weren't--you worked hard for them--so in my mind, "miracle" certainly doesn't fit in this context. (Semantics, I suppose).
Perhaps the miracle is in your ability to overcome the consensus of mass human (societal) stupidity regarding the intellect and potential of people with disabilities.
Unfortunately I am not a charming man willing to carry you to the dance floor. But I am a curious student who has been researching the cases of people with cerebral palsy.
I am a 19 year old female studying art and international relations. Recently, I have noticed a man with cerebral palsy wheeling around campus with a sign attached to his chair saying "I want a job at UNT" (UNT is my school). This man attends my church. While I have never taken the opportunity to sit and talk with him, I have greeted him with smiles and pleasantries. I think the inability to communicate tends to intimidate me. I have had experience in trying to communicate with deaf people. While they are able to write what they need to say, sometimes they get too excited and go off in sign language and their attempt to sound out words and I am totally lost as to what they are trying to say. It is the same with this man with cerebral palsy. I have no doubt that he is competent and understands everything going around him. I have no doubt that he has ideas and contributions to share.
In seeing him wheel around with the "I want a job" sign, I wondered about the situations and limitations that cerebral palsy patients face. How would he get a job if he cannot communicate? What could he do? This led me to search the internet. And I came upon your website.
So I decided to email you, because I thought it would be enlightening for myself (and maybe people I talk to in the future) to have taken the time to talk to you and learn about your world.
Sincerely,
Chelsea Kirk
Quick intro as I'm on my way to my mother's bedside. She's 101 and recuperating from a broken hip. Durable woman.
I had polio 1946 age 5 & ended up with a floppy right leg, use crutches for distances & in house. College, grad school (teaching English as second language, which I hardly ever did), married 1965, three kids, then widowed & kept on raising 3 kids. All now married. Have 4 grandkids, last one born 10/31 near me. Am now retired from administrative job (accreditation coordinato for park-rec undergrad programs, as employee of Natioal Recreation & Park Association), and living in senior community, small house which is so much easier to cope with than the big one farther from kids & mother.
Have been on post-polio listservs, where I've seen you, Yvonne, keep putting out your calls for communication and sharing your diligent search for work. It must be just the pits to have such a competent, educated, energetic mind and spirit with a body that just won't cooperate! Bummer.
I now wear right-leg brace, can't walk without it, but with it am coping OK. Thankful for friends, kids, family.
Tell more about YOU, if you care to, or about your project.
Jeanne Houghton
Silver Spring, MD
10/31/5:55 AM
Hi Yvonne:
Not bored, just think of you quite often, and wonder how you are doing. Frequently see your name in various places, so I decided to say "Hi".
I can tell you that your speech wouldn't be a problem after a short while. We all have different speech patterns, and it would be a matter of paying attention. I'm not afraid of wheel chairs, or uncontrolled movements, either. I'd just make sure to stay out of your road..
I'd like very much to chat with you, or exchange e-mails, or both. You are someone really worth knowing, and I know that I'd certainly like to know you.
Have a great day, and best wishes, always,
Zack
Hi Yvonne,
I was going through the internet from a site to another till i got to ur homepage.
I loved your site and all the links that u have there. I am not physically disabled, but i am so in love with a wonderful man who has CP, when i read ur essay on lovebyrd, it was exactly like what he voices and wat he feels like . He is quadraplegic and has a speech problem, but when u give him enough time and u really listen when he talks, u would really understand everything that he is saying. When we go out together , people just stare at us , and it really bothers him so much, people sometimes or most times think that he is mentally retarded becoz of his involuntarily movements. When we go shopping or go out for dinner people stare at me like i am nuts for having him as my partner. We , hopefully, will be able to marry sometime. Its funny how even the simple rights that are there for others are not so easily granted . He loses a lot of his benefits if he marries me, anyway, its a long and complicated story.
I was wondering if there are any chat groups or forums where i can talk to other women who are married to men with CP. I have so many things that i need to talk to someone who would understand or identify with, and maybe give me some thoughts.
I am sorry if this email was so long, take care.
Maha
Hi, That poem was really cute. It described how I feel. I have had CP since I was three. I'm able to walk. I will never be able to drive and I'm having trouble getting a job. I wish that I had a bunny that could help me do stuff and drive me around. I have to depend on my parents. I tried Public Transportation for the handicapped and it didn't work out. I also had an aide in college that was really mean to me. She finally made me cry and my parents had to fire her. I don't have that many friends. I feel like people don't understand. It's hard. I'm afraid of people that are mentally disabled. That is why I won't ride the dart bus. I want to be normal. I started to go into a depression a couple of years ago. I tried to go to therapy. No one understands. It's like going around in circles. I hate it. Well, I'm going to go for now. Thanks for your time. Sincerely, Darci Scott
Dear Yvonne:
Ah well, welcome then. This is a lovely website indeed, although everyone on it seems to be separated by considerable distances. So, I'm not sure if I am being "interesting" by taking the time to get to know someone. In the context of dating on agematch, because of the distances it's a veritable precondition. That is, unless one wishes to spend a great deal on airfare fruitlessly.
In reading your profile I must say I am extremely skeptical I am a good man for you to consider. To be perfectly forthright about my own limitations, I suspect I do not possess the requisite levels of understanding to date a woman with your medical conditions. I must confess that in many respects, I am a very shallow person when it comes to romantic attractions and I anticipate that your hardships would tend to attenuate that attraction. I'm only saying this so plainly, because it's clear to me that you are a very intelligent woman who has suffered greatly. From experience in my own life and family, I know that the worst parts of having a disability are the persistent lies that tend to surround you and infect every conversation. Especially worst, are those lies that arrive well intended, coming as they do from people whom one respects or loves.
There are many fine men who would automatically look beyond all of this. Or, there are also men who would indeed even revel in it. Being that there is a whole dating subculture of men who are sexually aroused by women with physical disabilities. Either sort of man I think, should present himself a better candidate than I. That said, you are invited to flirt and prove me wrong if you wish. Just please be forewarned that it's likely an unlikely success for the effort.
Cordially,
Lee
I agree with you 100%. If I were severely physically disabled I would not have been able to do a fraction of the things that have enabled to do what I've done and get where I've got.
You have a very tough row to hoe, Yvonne. What you have achieved already is outstanding.
Who knows what the future holds? All you can do is your best, which is all any of us can do. After that, we have to be content with who we are.
That's how I feel anyway.
Bernie :)
Hi Yvonne,
I guess everybody is different, but I agree with you. Maintaining a positive attitude is essential not only to the person with autism but for the family as well. I remember shortly after Boone was diagnosed, I asked other parents about some of Boone's gifts and if this could be a good thing for him -- since everything I'd read about autism at that time was so discouraging. The parent told me not to buy into the "savant" thing because I would just be disappointed.
I have never understood why people are so quick to discount the talents of autistic people as unimportant. I didn't listen to that parent or any of the other parents who told me the same type of thing. Instead, I bought into the "train the talent to minimize the disability" attitude that Dr. Treffert encourages.
The result is a formerly non-verbal, non-social child who now speaks politely when spoken to, usually gets positive feedback from other people *because* of his "uniqueness" and is enthusiastic about almost everything he does.
I am not posting to the list because every time I mention the word "savant" or "talent" I am viciously attacked by the those same parents. They can wallow in their children's disability all they want. I one called Boone "gloriously autistic" and I was flamed for weeks. It was really amazing. I don't see how these people can hate autism so much while claiming to love their children.
Boone and his personality (autism, if you will) are one and the same. I think it's the attitude of the general population that needs to change.
Me, I'll take my kids over any "normal" kid -- any day. They are much more interesting and their potential is unlimited (IMO).
I do the same thing with my supposedly NT (lol) son too. He has talent and I provide the resources he needs to pursue it with all the passion he can muster.
I'm glad you didn't "give up and die" and still haven't given up. Keep up the good work!
Sissi Garvey
Kids Page
http://home.isoa.net/~nitetrax/original.htm
Boone's Art Page:
http://home.isoa.net/~nitetrax/bart.htm
Dillon's Music Page:
http://www.geocities.com/flaremusic
"If it doesn't spin, it's broke."
Boone Garvey ~ Not a direct quote. More like an attitude.
Yvonne,
I'm not jealous, but, well, maybe a little jealous ;-), but mostly I'm very pleased that despite the naysayers and the very difficult road you've traveled, you've been able to accomplish a great deal. And I certainly don't think most of us think you've put anyone down at all. I do think some times it's easy for people to forget that the range of ability, independence and potential among people with disability is vast, and that it's not always easy to predict. Some people will surprise us and do wonderful things in spite of many challenges and a very rough start. But some kids grow up still significantly hampered by their disability and may not be able to demonstrate the skills or cope with the many tasks necessary for college, careers, etc.
Again, I think that optimism is important and encouraging people is a must. However, I think that some of us are only trying to find the balance in the middle, encouraging and hoping for more independence than we've had in the past, but realistically understanding that not every child will grow up to be an adult who can manage the challenges most of us take for granted, or even fight to achieve.
I wish you success in finding a job and a rewarding community. It's not easy when people don't allow you the opportunity to even get your foot in the door.
Please don't think that this particular community does not support your efforts and message. But not all disabilities are the same, just like not all people are. We just need to be more welcoming and supportive across groups, period!
Jennie
Hi Yvonne,
I stumbled across your website while searching for information to use in a college essay.
I am 19 year old classroom assistant and support worker for young people with a range of disabilities. Your site is inspirational. I work both in school and for a voluntary organisation in Lisburn Northern Ireland. I find it really hard because in the school i feel the pupils are under estimated and this drives me crazy. One pupil who i know both in school and in my other job and as a friend is given really simple tasks like matching colours because he cant speak and nobody takes time to find out wht he can do. they presume he cant spell or compose sentences because he has difficulty with fine motor skills. I tried to help and change people attitudes by bringing in a keyboard with bigger keys. He loved it and was able to type away and do all the work that other puils were doing and more. He is so intellegent and very humourous but people fail to realise his potential. I was told to take the keyboard away because it was giving him delusions about being normal and i was a silly little girl who knew nothing. But i know taht even though people see that his cerebal palsy as a disability he is so capable of living a life just as good as anyone else. He is fantastic although like all teenage boys is a cheeky brat but hey i was a brat too for years. knowing that you have degrees and design websites has helped me to become more determined to help him develop his education and i am going to puh for the reinsatation of the keyboard. I have so much faith in his and the other pupils potential. Thank you. Please feel free to email me and if you wanna know more about me, althouh i warn you i'm not all that interesting, please ask questions
Your Friend
Gillian Presho
Dear Yvonne,
It was very interesting visiting your Web site. I am enclosing a letter that I normally e-mail people to solicit their help on how to return to medical school. I would also like to converse with you on a more personal level. I commend you on your braveness, and even though I have only been a disabled for 2 years, I feel the pain. It is a very lonely place, but one from which we must emerge victorious. I have faced many challenges in the last 2 years, some very similar to your own. Good luck to you. If you have any information that would assist me in my goal, I would appreciate it. I would also like to how the job search is going. My undergraduate degree was in psychology. Hope to hear from you soon.
Usha Sadhwani
Dear National Organizations on Disability,
I was hoping to get your input on how I quadriplegia can succeed in medicine. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Usha Sadhwani, and I was a second year medical students at Louisiana State University Medical School until February of 2002. I was involved in a terrible ordeal and as a result became a quadriplegic at the cervical 7 level. In the last five months, I have contacted my school about returning in the near future. They have not been too receptive to the idea of changing their curriculum to accommodate a quadriplegic physician. My school also has in-place certain Technical Standards that would prevent anyone blind, deaf, or physically disabled from entering their school. In order for me to return, I have to fight these technical standards. They have a committee on my behalf that will reject or recommend my readmission to the Chancellor of the school. He will ultimately decide my fate. I have been on a leave of absence for one year now, and have made my intention clear that I do want to return. In the meantime, I am taking classes at the Tulane School of Public Health, and pursuing a masters in public health education. This has allowed me to get back into school, get the feel for learning in my new condition. It is also helping me to build up my stamina, which suffered a tremendous blow as a result of my injury. Actually, I needed to see how much I could do, and how I could learn, and taking three classes at the school public health has helped me realize what my limitations are and what need to do to learn.
Now that I have my list of Supporters, I am calling on you to write letters on my behalf. I would like you to include any pertinent information that would relate to succeeding in the medical field as a disabled person. You may know of reasonable accommodations that can be made to facilitate my continued education the medical field.
The letter should be addressed to Dr. Howard Randall, Dean of Academic Affairs at Louisiana State University Medical School. The addressed is 1542 Tulane Avenue, New Orleans, Louisiana 70112. His e-mail address is hranda@lsuhsc.edu. His phone number is (504) 568 ? 4874.
Please contact me for further information regarding my quest to become a physician.
I will be meeting with each my teachers for the second and third and fourth year medical school in the next few weeks. I would appreciate any practical suggestions as to how to overcome my limitations. Please advise.
Thank you very much for your time and attention to this matter. I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Usha Sadhwani
Yvonne: I was boarn blind and female. I now am on faculty as a therapist at San Francisco State University, and I have a private practice as a therapist and career counselor in Berkeley and SF, California. At one point, I spent sixty hours a week for three years, with a masters degree, trying to get a job. I started a private practice primarily because no one else would hire me. After being in practice a couple of years, I seemed more employable. Have you considered private practice? Are you licensed in your state?
Oh Yvonne,
I can only imagine your frustration at having such a wealth of knowledge, skills and abilities and feeling "Wasted" how tragic :-(
MY heart really goes out to you.
But please, never give up.
You never know what an inspiration you are being to others, and you can
never know the positive impact you have on other peoples lives.
Paid work would be a blessing I'm sure, but honestly there is far more to life than money.
You are a success!
Keep soldiering on...
~~~Vanessa~~~
A mind is like a parachute....
It only functions when it's opened!
Congrats on the goals you have obtained. I know this has been a continuing fight and process for you. I know you have lots and lots of frustrations and are continuing to battle.
I just wanted to send a little note of thanks, cause the things you are doing now pave the way for our kids later.
Best wishes,
Randy
Dad of Sean, 11yo CP and Shane, 7yo Autistic
San Fernando Valley, about 30 miles North of Los Angeles
http://www.our-kids.org/
Hi all,
I have seen Yvonne's resume and it is a good one. I have corresponded with her at length. This shouldn't be happening. However, it is. I would just like to say to those who feel that people with disabilities do not want to work and are lazy and do not try hard enough, what do you expect here, folks? What do you want this woman to do? I dare anyone to come out and say she hasn't tried hard enough.
I challenge all you out there who think that we with disabilities have something wrong with us that makes it our fault if we don't get a job, to rise up and tell me and this lady to her face that there's something wrong with her.
Now, folks, if this isn't a clear demonstration of discrimination, I don't know what is. I don't know how much darker the writing on the wall can be here. Now, folks, if somebody has a constructive answer for this woman, I challenge you to give it. Let's do a little networking here folks, dig into your address books, your contact lists and see who you know and how they can help! C'mon folks, seems like Yvonne's done all she can do and more. Let's see if we can help her out! You don't have to reply to me, reply to Yvonne.
Ann P.
I have looked at your websites; you did quite a job putting all that together. You have so many accomplishments, it's hard to believe that no one has grabbed you up yet! I see many of your abilities. I have to tell you. I am the kind of person/mentality that hears this story (yours) and runs with ideas.
Over the last year plus, I have been thinking out the kind of television network I would like to start eventually. The local access program is really only a start. All big things must start small, especially when one has no deep pockets of dough! Anyway, i have gained some knowledge along the way and have strong ideas to develop funding and sponsorship. i have yet to write up a business plan. Things go slowly for me because of the rest of my life. So, if you are still willing to take another step, let me know. I am leaving on a well deserved vacation in 10 days for 10 days. If nothing else, perhaps we can meet somewhere, or speak on the phone, or continue to mail til I return. The list of websites you have linked to your site are impressive. My favorites list is similar.
Anyway, i am glad that I've met you. My son graduated Brookdale in 2002, got a good education there. He's now a junior at Rutgers. My other guy is at TCNJ. I now too have you in mind when I see jobs. One nice website I did not see on your list is http://www.idealist.org/. Check it out, I think you'll enjoy it. They do have employment opportunities.
Talk to you later.
Bert
That is awful that people would say things like that to you. Who needs them you sure dont. People like that will regret someday that they hurt somebody I believe there will be payback for them. what comes around goes around no one knows in this life what could happen to them. Its like Christopher Reeve he never really saw his wife and he said he took advantage of people till his accident. It is a shame that had to happen to him but most people dont see anyone but their own selfish needs till they get a wake up call. We are not on this planet for ourselves we are here to learn to put others first and to help and love those who need us. Melody >^..^<
People with CP and other disabilities may feel depressed for different reasons. Many of us that have disabilities have more time to dwell on our problems. There are no easy answers to this problem because all of us have different limitations as well as thoughts and feelings. I believe people with disabilities need to be active by going out more if possible and by helping people online and in your neighborhood.
When people in society treat people with disabilities different and worse many of us get angry and bitter. We need to try to educate everyone that will listen that despite our disabilities we have goals, dreams, desires, good days and bad days. We want to be respected on our capabilities and not on our disability. There are some people that I have worked with that treat me different but not because of my disability but because the are selfish and want to control their world. People that have done this to me are taking advantage of my disability but they do not realize what they are doing. I realize I cannot change the world but I try to educate one person at a time There will always be some people that have closed minds and will not give us the opportunity to show what we can do. We must never ignore people that are prejudice because they effect everyone that are different.
There are people with disabilities that become depressed because they set unrealistic goals for themselves. When this happens they become depressed, angry and bitter about their lives. I am 43 years old and realize my limitations have effected my job opportunities. I also realize I will never work full-time or be a millionaire. I have CP and walk, talk a little funny but I do have a brain and I will never give up on improving my life and others that have disabilities.
Stephen Allman
Hi Yvonne
I love Ireland I've been here all my life! But some day i hope to visit austrailia or canada where celine dion is from!
I also think that Ireland has a long way to go in relation to disability issues I feel it is very conservative at the moment. Its like we are all labled in one stereotypical group. on the other had ther have been improvments!
I think the main problem is that the people who live in the country have limited access to services compared to those in the city, as I am unfortunately!!!!!
It seems to be better in the states am I right?
Hi Yvonne,
Well, rats! I so hoped the ending of your story was true, but I loved it nevertheless. Prejudice, unfortunately, is learned and passed down through generations. Sad, but true. I hated being stationed in Alabama and Georgia because of the subtle prejudice still there. Because I was white, other locals would tell me (what they thought was funny) racial jokes and I would just look at them. One of my best helicopter pilot buddies was a tall, black warrant officer and a dear friend. He and his wife, who was a lady cop, were amazing people. We still write.
I can't believe that some of your instructors thought that your mother had written some of your work. What total morons, ignorant ones at that! I'm just sorry that other students didn't look beyond your written words and get to know the beautiful, brainy you inside that body that won't cooperate at time. The idiots --- it's their loss. In retrospect, I wish that someone had helped me better understand a couple of MS students in my highschool. It irritated me that some classmates teased one guy, who would just laugh at them and they would run away squealing like brainless bimbos. I was raised to accept everyone on their own merits.
One of my best childhood chums was a pretty malatto girl with freckles and rich, copper-colored hair. We lived out in the country and usually picked our friends by who lived closest to us. This gal and I always chatted while we rode the school bus miles into the local schools. She was the only black girl in my class, so I know it was hard for her. Later I learned that she had decided to join the Catholic convent, as she didn't know which side to choose, black or white. Sadly, she found that the Catholic Convent had its share of bigotry, too. That almost made me cry to hear that she had been treated like that. Luckily, she left and pursued her Masters degree in libraryship, and is getting on with her life.
Despite the jerks out there, I know that there are some really nice people out there -- like YOU!!!
Hugs for now,
Linda
Hi. Tetta 63 gave me your address. I am a fellow NJ Cp person, who had 78 bones to pick with the rehab community and its sadistic attitudes at all levels.
IM now in a doctorate program, the division of vocational rehab refused to fund.
I was offered being put to sleep like a horse, I'm not kidding, or a sheltered workshop job! My late stepfather made my Cp worse by forcing me to have surgery which failed. You are a brave, and beautiful woman. I admire your guts, and courage more than I can say.
I would hope we could chat.
all my best
Sean Dineen
Yvonne,
I too take me a long time to type with one hand. But I do it and am so grateful for what I can do...
I have exceeded more than what others ever thought were possible!
How old are you, may I ask? And how were you again able to get into the program to attain your degrees...
When I wanted to continue on with my learning, I had a deaf, mute counselor who told me I had scattered thoughts... and why, you might ask, because he was closed minded to people who had learning disabilities. I tried to obtain another civil rights case with a mediation hearing but that backfired. Then, when I went from layer to layer to sue for punitive damages I was wished good-luck and brushed off like a hot potatoes! I have leered to accept what has happened to me because I don't want that hurt to manifest within my own being, physically, mentally or emotionally...but that desire inside myself is never to far from heart.
I fly because I must! And I seek to find health and happiness and fulfillment in my sole.
I am now working with two people on my children's story of which I plan one day to publish. I also sit on the board of Protection & Advocacy, of which I was elected back in August of this year.
I am also married and have been for 14 years come this Valentines day. My husband Christian, has two children from a previous marriage and we have a beautiful dog, Patches, of which there is a picture of us together on my website and a sweet, and very loving tortoise shell, kitty.
Well, sweetie, I am going to go as I want to do some yoga.
But if you have any suggestions for me I welcome any and all!
I am indeed fighting the good fight:>)))))))
Hugs, back:>)))))
Karen
Hi Yvonne
Yes, I did not read your essay, but I'm getting mixed messages, so thats why I said that, I will go into detail about that later on, in this e-mail.
1st of all,My mother suffers from mental illness, so I can understand disability.Mental illnes is not exactly treated like other diseases!! They use the old sweep it under the rug trick!!
My attitude is that I always tackle anything straight on & let the chips fall where they may, either you like it or you don't (this means when I'm dealing with people, so I don't mean you dear!!)
I don't sugar coat anything. For example a woman who I was working with,a long time ago was on the ground,with a dress on & she had no underwear on & was sitting down with her legs crossed, so everybody could see her wears, & people were shocked, being that she was the wife of the head of the organization, & her only comment was "If you don't like it, don't fuckin look". I almost fell out laughing so hard, because it made a lot of sense. If you don't like it, well thats too bad, here it is take it or leave it.People just shook her head but I thought that she made her point.
So I'm saying that to say that if people don't like it, thats too damm bad, in Match doctor you should have a picture there, The one with you at the computer is great!! Why shouldn't you have a picture? I think that your frustration is making you run scared,like your trying to prepare them for this great revelation, damm the torpedoes full steam ahead!!
People are either going to like you or not, which your well aware of.I know that you have had some victorys, maybe small, & it gets tired, with a never ending constant 24 hour, 7 days a week struggle,but don't let them see you weaken!!!
I hope I'm making some kind of sense. Under no circumstance am I trying to be disrespectful. I just think that you should ram that shit down their throats until they say uncle. I mean everyone.
I hope I'm still your friend after you read this.
Gene
Hi Yvonne,
I have added you to bottom of my web page at: http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/braker/1160/information/page02.htm
Sorry for the long delay. A while back I was in an automobile accident and I was away from the Internet for a while. Everything is ok now and I'm back online.
I've noticed from your looking over web page that you've spent a lot of time study disability topics and other disabled people. Do you know any other disabled people that I could contact via email that has been denied jobs or rights because of their disability? The reason I ask is a reporter once told me if I could prove that others were treated like me or similar to me then they may be able to do a story. I understand one or two people aren’t enough to do a story. Linking our web pages to others with similar stories would be a way to expose what is taking place across this country.
Thank you,
Tommy
My name is John Rose and my son Tyler has Spastic Quadreplegic Cerebral Palsy. I think your site is wonderful. It offers a different perspective for the world to view disabilities. I used to be a police officer and now I teach high school. In both jobs, I see how the world perceives people with disabilities. Most people I come into contact with feel that if a person can't walk, control their muscles, or may have a physical impairment; that they're dumb or mentally retarded. This really pisses me off. I am very happy that you are proving them wrong and taking a step to rebute their ignorance.
Sincerely,
John Rose
yvonne...
this is a very sad story. it reminded me of how lucky i was to work at bell labs for so many years. one of my first teachers had a seeing-eye dog. i thought it unusual, but later realized just how rare those things are in the commercial world. there was also a teach at murray hill how had a brain disorder that prevented him for walking forwards (made him dizzy) so he walked backwards! again, people thought it 'different', but that's all. he was a brilliant man...to bad he might not have been able to get a job on the 'outside'. the research community has always been more accepting of people who might be viewed as 'different' by those on the outside.
i have to hope that it is finding the 'right' people to see your (or anyone's) potential and that, with any luck, things will change as more folks that may look or sound different from what the world sees as 'normal' find their way to places of 'importance'. sad to say, but people's minds change slowly....too slowly sometimes.
by the way, the guy with the aid dog went on to become a v.p. for a large capital corporation. i'd love to know what he is doing now.....sitting on millions i hope :-)
....andy
Congratulations!!! I'm in my fifth quarter in the Walden Master's in Psychology program and have thoroughly enjoyed it to date. So far (fingers and toes crossed) I'm carrying a 4.0 and only have two more classes to go plus the thesis. Then, it's on to the Ph.D. What are you going to do with your degree?
I have to say I admire you greatly. All of us have our handicaps or limitations and it takes courage to overcome them, especially when they make it more difficult for us to operate in a world which is, in general, not designed to accommodate our special needs. Personally, I've been given the gift of good health and form, so my limitations have been early life sexual and psychological abuse -- less visible, yet limiting nonetheless.
You are an inspiration to me, Yvonne. Would you mind sharing your story with me? In addition to the other things I'm doing, I've been "assigned" the task of writing a book of courage -- courage such as you have shown in your journey. If you'll give me permission when the right time comes, I'd like to share your success story with the world. Either way, God Bless You and guide you.
Jason Starr
Congratulations Yvonne,
You have worked so hard girl, and done something special. I will put your link on my next web page, and let you know when it is active.
Finding work is a challenge, but I believe something will come along- the technology makes so many things possible. Don't give up!
I live in Naples, FL and teach children with mild to moderate learning challenges. You will be a resource and inspiration for them.
Peace,
barb
*******************************
Barbara J. Fitzgerald
Ph.D. Candidate Educational Technology
Walden University
bfitzger@waldenu.edu
He loves each one of us as if there were only one of us.
St. Augustine
*********************************
Hello Yvonne!
I am not a young person chronologically (70) but I do have a lot of younger feelings and attitudes. I became 'impaired' through having two strokes in 88 and 95; use a wheelchair all the time now. I do voluntary work for the Disabled Persons Housing Service in Edinburgh Scotland and I make little video's when I can. The most recent one was made by a little Current Affairs group I was part of. That was called 'Do Something About It' ; 30 minutes of trying to inspire people in the community to become more active at changing condition around them.
I have only now found your Web pages and although I have not read everything I just wanted to let you know that that it is a great pleasure to read your work and the emotional expression that you have allowed people to share. The full extent of your courage will probably never be perceived by anyone but the great courage that I perceive here is so very encouraging that I am recommending your pages to able-bodied friends of mine as well as other physically impaired friends.
You really demonstrate very well what is possible when people start to use their intelligence. I think that all people are intelligent but that all people don't put it to good use. There is no judgementally here but the vast variety of socialisation in childhood is mostly undertaken by human beings who just do not understand what the socialisation process is really about. All those lectures and Professors, employers etc who just can't 'see' people like you or some of my friends who also live with Cerebral Palsy.
The enormous amount of abuse that is perpetrated against children demonstrates our lack of understanding and love at the very of all our self denial that allows us to keep on damaging generation after generation of innocent little lives.
So, you cheer me up when I detect all the love that you possess. Thanks for just being who you are. You shine out like a warming light in the universe and I just wanted you to know that.
I wish you all kinds of success in your very well stated ambitions.
Jim O' Grady
Yvonne,
I know that some people may have a problem with accepting you and being able to view you as a productive member of society, but I am not one of those narrow minded individuals. I know that you can succeed in life and accomplish any thing you put your mind to. You may be physically limited in what you can do, but you are certainly not limited mentally. You are a very bright woman with much to give. People should stop thinking "poor girl, she can't do much" and start supporting you in all that you hope to achieve in this life. You are only as limited as you believe you are, or allow people to make you believe you are. As far as only having perverts and bums to chat with, that's not entirely true... You do have me and I don't believe that I fall into either category. Yes, I may go places in life, but I believe you will too. And remember, every body needs someone. Life is too cruel and harsh to try and face it alone. Keep your head up, I am here for you.
John
Hi Yvonne
How are you doing? On your web page you talk about state institutions, are there any organizations to help people get out of those places or to keep them from going to a place like that in the first place. If not I wonder what it would take to start an organizations, that could find housing, and make it accessible, arrange for help to come in as needed for personal care, maybe volunteers (local churches, school kids, ) to drive and help with shopping, household duties, or if a person just wants to go out for a while, they could go, a place that could provide services for the disabled so nobody would have to spend time in a state institution. Is there a need for this kind of service? This is something I often thought about doing but have know idea how to start, I would love to hear you thoughts or ideas on this.
Robert rob62970@aol
Hello Yvonne, One thing I have found from dealing with people. They will alwasy be someone to think that you can't offer them any help. People with disabilities will be what appears to be the worse to work with. And pycology is maybe the hardest of feilds to undergo. I used to ride the college shuttle bus with a professor of Pycology at least two days a week. he used to talk about how hard it can be to deal with some other professors from the college or even from other educational systems such as Universities that were checking on how his programs were going. What you are doing is very good. I feel that once you complete your masters and have the backing of your personal lifes experences to add to your knowledge. You will be a great asset to the feild of counseling and helping the disabled. The limitations you menstioned you have such as speech and mobility should not be any concern to you nor to anyone else. You have the education and drive to help them. And you have already found alternatives to help you get
past the verble skills you may lack. Heck I know from the doctors I see they use either adio taped transcrips or even have a personal assistant to take notes while seeing their pateints. And also I hear that there are computer programs to make communication easier for speech challeged people. If you think that the respect from other pycologists are going to be like your professors and social workers you have faced. That will probably be true in no matter where and what a person does. What makes a person special is the experences they bring to the correer. Not the studies that were taught to them and your class mates. Or that is what I think?
Take care.
freddy
Have TBI since age 8 overcame it graduated from college certified to teach in Grad school and became certified as a paralegal. Could not gain employment in either teaching, paralegal or even with the government because of a controlled disorder which made me appear to be a risk to the employer.
Title V ADA states that the insurance industry may continue to write one up as risk for private insurance. If you are already a risk prior to your first granted interview how do you expect to become employed???
Yvonne,
I spent six months of my college career legally disabled due to a major operation. I could not believe how thoughtless and ignorant most people were, including those who were friends. It gave me a whole new perspective on people. I cannot imagine how it must be for you, nor does anyone have a right to.
In my family, education is held in very high esteem. All I can say for you is that you have earned the “last laugh” by out-educating and being more successful than the majority of those who have not treated you as an equal or created unnecessary obstacles. As long as you remain happy and accountable to yourself, no one can take your power away.
Laura
It was not easy for sure but what is important to me is to recognize that attitudes toward the disabled have not changed much. The same war is being fought today in different ways.
I imposed myself on society using a smile a sense of humor, a good brain and willingness to work.
This is the best of times for me. Looking back I feel blessed for being very naive about what I was doing. I thought it was expected. Of course social rejection was part of what I expected. I have always been a loner.
Barb
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Hi Yvonne:
How are things today? Good I hope. I'm glad that you liked the last letter, because in truth I wasn't sure how you'd react. One of the problems that you face is that most people are not comfortable around people who are different, regardless of whether the difference is due to skin color, language, physical characteristics, education level, economic status, etc. One reason that people probably do not level with you about their problems is that compared with the impediments and obstacles you face daily, many of the problems that vex the rest of us seem pretty trivial. Conversely, people may think that you would not wish to hear about something they did that you cannot do because of your disabilities. No, it's not right to prejudge and deprive you of the opportunity to decide for yourself, but as I said it's a comfort issue for the other people. I'll give you an example from my own past.
There was a boy named *** who lived two streets away from me and who was in my class all through elementary and high school. At high school graduation, he was the Top Boy and was expected to become a premier scientist and maybe Nobel Prize winner. *** was so brilliant he could play games with the science and math teachers in high school. Unfortunately, college professors were a different matter. At exam time at the end of his first year (a year was two semesters) in Science at McGill University, *** went missing for 4 days. He was found wandering in the book department of a downtown Montreal department store. Basically, he had suffered a nervous breakdown. Subsequently, he obtained a job as a clerk in a hardware store. Occasionally thereafter I would see his Mother on the street and she would ask when I was going to come over and see him, and that he would be glad to see me. Well, Yvonne, I never did go because I didn't want to make him feel bad and I really didn't know what to say to him. A couple years later, I happened to be on the commuter train with a bunch of other high school friends who were at McGill or Sir George, the other English university in Montreal, when *** walked up. He was hesitant to even approach us, and yet we had all been close friends of his before his breakdown. What basically transpired was a strained silence -- we didn't want to talk about college in front of him and make him feel bad, and really didn't know what to say to him. That whole situation and the fact that I failed to be as empathetic as I might have been still bother me.
I know how it hurts when you're not taken seriously. As I think I mentioned, that has been one of my "hot" buttons since I was a small child. I also appreciate the hurt that comes with a lack of control over one's own destiny. Believe it or not, that's a fact of life when you work for someone else, especially in a big organization where you might be several levels below the top management. Suffice it to say that I get frustrated with the management in the firm where I work on a regular basis, and for a variety of reasons!!
As far as how it would feel to have your intelligence and not be respected for it because all people can see is your dysfunctional body, Yvonne, what can I say? I can't even begin to guess how frustrating it must be. I do have some idea, because of how hard it is sometime to get people to listen to me -- "There goes Hambley, spouting off again." is a reaction I get regularly before people bother to listen to what I have to say.
Anyway, I need to get this off to you before I becomes a full-length novel!! After that paper what's your next assignment? Take care and chin up.
Doug
Yvonne,
I thought my cold had let go of me, but I'm still pretty tired. This evening course is also something to get used to.
"It is bad because I really want to be with you and I know that I am not the right woman for you."
I didn't know how to tell you in as many words but you are correct. There are two types of suffering in life; the suffering of discipline and effort to accomplish one's goals and dreams, and the suffering of regret for not having reached out for them. The second suffering is far greater then the first.
When I left Montreal and the field of prosthetics, it was with the clear intent of achieving greater financial means to pursue my fascination for an amputee, a bilateral upper-limb amputee woman, as soul-mate. It has been the crux of my life that I just cannot ignore it. I must at least experience it, live it, know what it is like, or I will live with the frustration of not knowing, not having tried, for the rest of my life.
You are a bright, sensitive and interesting young woman. I value our correspondance greatly, my heart goes out to you when I hear of your difficulties in achieving independance and your household tribulations. You are an excellent friend. However, I cannot say you are my soulmate.
"I don't know why people bother with me."
They want to get to know you a little, better understand the world of a physically disabled young woman. Some will make their way under your shell and get to know you very well, understand you a bit and fully accept you for who you are, disability and all. Others will remain clueless because they just cannot comprehend, cannot get over your disability. They just can't understand, it is beyond their scope that you are intelligent, sensitive and conscient, that you are a person. I think this is something you will have to put up with for the rest of your life. Look at it from this angle, those you do stop and get to know you will exceptional individuals with open minds, compassion and understanding.
Sorry for being so brief. It's taking time to settle myself back into the old grind. My room and our whole apartment are a complete mess, there's a ton of dished, the clothes dryer blew on us and I gotta take a look at it... Mecanic once, mecanic forever...
Also, I met some interesting people in Sydney, people I want to keep in touch with. For the past 3 months, you were my only internet correspondant. Now I have to share that time between you and a couple others. I don't want to break contact with you, I hope you'll understand my letters may be a little briefer and spread out. I will always read what you send me and try to answer you the best i can, best of my knowledge, straight from the heart.
More soon...
Hang loose :-)
Marc
doc14403@sympatico.ca
"Many people don't take the time to read my web page. Those, who read it, assume that I'm not physically handicapped because they have no social interactions with people who are severely physically handicapped. Even though I speak to them on the phone and I explain how my CEREBRAL PALSY affects me, they still assume that I can walk... When I meet them, they run the other way."
And you can't run after them to bring them back GGG ... sorry it's not right to make that kind of joke but I just couldn't help it .. if we can't laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at???? Anyway, I can tell you that walking isn't all its cracked up to be ... just think of how much you save on shoe leather (GGGG)!!!
Their problem is two fold. 1-they equate a severe physical handicap with diminished mental capacity and 2-they don't have the capacity to really read and UNDERSTAND what they are reading. Your web site is built and constructed by someone who is obviously intelligent, witty, and well educated. [Hopefully I count myself in that elite group also]. There aren't many that can claim that.
I love it Yvonne. That's a perfect analogy. It's like comparing apples and oranges when you compare one person with the "majority" or with anyone else.
But hey - being different is a gift and that is one thing I am learning about myself. If other people don't like it, that's too bad. The more I surround myself with unusual people and the more I get to know other people who are also different, the better I feel over time. Easier said than done.
I have been learning to accept myself for who I am and to live with myself. I know I'm 28 but I feel more like 18 - energetic, young, healthy, exploring the world and finding myself, and finding many things that keep me young at heart.
When it comes down to what is really important, we all have strengths and we all have difficulties to overcome no matter what. Just some difficulties are more visible than others.
I love you very much and I hope you continue to focus on your strengths. The world we live in can be pretty crazy at times but continue to use the control that you DO have, no matter how small it might seem.
MANY PEOPLE won't understand and the reality might hurt. But realize that it's not you. Often times, people who can be arrogant or nasty have much deeper issues that you may never want to know. You're much stronger and more sensible than that. Life is too short to be bearing the brunt of someone else's negative feelings.
You are one of the most important people I could ever
have in my life and I can never regret having you as a
wonderful sister and friend.