I just told God, "I'm having a break, now. I'm going to stand up. I'm going to take five minutes. Just five minutes to run down and get some coffee, cross my legs, relax, take a deep breath. Somebody told me I had to stay here. That was last month! I can't even go out and have a cigarette. I'm not stable to begin with! I want relief! I want a drink!" (Callahan, 1989, p. 62).
John immediately received proper medical attention and counseling. Although living in the Intensive Care Unit for approximately six weeks was quite depressing, the staff treated him like a human being instead of a worthless object. For example, John convinced the night-duty nurse to help him smoke cigarettes and a volunteer to rub his back on several occasions. After spending five weeks in ICU, the doctor performed an operation to strengthen and stabilize John's spine to prevent further damage (Callahan, 1989, p. 55-69).
Then, he was transferred to another ward and placed in an intensive physical \ occupational therapy program. This program really helped him to lead a more productive life with minimal assistance. Learning to sit in an upright position, transfer into a manual wheelchair, feed, and partly dress himself were very challenging short-term goals to achieve. John felt it was vital to become physically independent as much as possible because he just did not desire to be a burden on other people (Callahan, 1989). After two months being hospitalized, he shortly discovered the following:
I am a C5-6 quadriplegic, which means that my spinal cord is severed between the fifth and sixth vertebrae counting down from the top. ... I can only work my triceps, half of my deltoids, half of my diaphragm. ... Everything from my diaphragm down is without sensation and, naturally, beyond voluntary control (Callahan, 1989, p. 72).
Since John refused to live with his parents, he decided to move to a nursing home specifically designed for young adults who were either paraplegic or quadriplegic. This nursing home was run by strictly Catholic nuns. Even though the nuns attempted to help John with his drinking problem, he never adjusted to the home. Furthermore, the nuns were forced to expel him for not conforming to the rules. Transferring to another nursing home, that was tailored for the elderly, made the Catholic nursing home look like Heaven. The staff neglected to provide decent adequate care; moreover, John did not receive his sponge baths, was not able to shave his face, and could not defecate properly. Deciding to attend community college to escape the nursing home only made matters worst for he was not interested furthering his education. Drinking also made John's situation worst for he could not think straight to inform the director of the nursing home that he was not receiving adequate care (Callahan, 1989).
John met an attendant who was recently employed as the nursing home and was a very devoted staff member. John had developed close-knit relationship with him. Shortly, he privately hired Arnie, the attendant, to be his full-time aide and they lived in an accessible apartment. John was thrilled to leave the nursing home and receive proper care. Unfortunately, he discovered that Arnie was bisexual and suffering from severe psychological problems (Callahan, 1989).
Arnie frequently ended our fights by leaving me high and dry for hours at a stretch. I would be set up with a pitcher full of booze and 7-Up, a tube taped to it so that I could drink while he was gone all day. He used to leave a candle at my bedside so that I could light cigarettes. ... Once I dropped a burning cigarette behind me on the bed. Fortunately Arnie came home minutes later and saved the day (Callahan, 1989, p. 104-105).
Firing Arnie and hiring another replacement was a bit of a struggle for John had to live on SSDI. Since John could not open a savings account, he had to keep a very tight budget and it was impossible to plan for the future.
My SSDI entitlement was just over $600 a month. According to Welfare, that was too pricely a sum. They required me to hand over $200 a month as partial reimbursement for the $800 I was allotted for daily and weekend attendants. My rent, for a small one-bedroom, ground-floor apartment, consumed a further $325. The $75 that remained was real whoopee money. All I had to make cover were electricity, phone, groceries, clothing, drawing supplies, envelopes, postage, copying, haircuts, dental bills other than emergency ones, and food for my cat (Callahan, 1989, p. 175).
Living on this income was exactly like being poor because John could not to afford fresh food. For example, eating day old bread and outdated liverwurst straight from the can for numerous days made John sick to his stomach (Callahan, 1989).
Even though Alex, John's new aide, was an alcoholic and a drug addict, he was a dedicated aide who took excellent care of John. After John finally admitted he had a drinking problem, Alex assisted him in seeking professional counseling. Interacting with a psychiatrist and attending Alcoholic Anonymous meetings really helped John to stay sober for nine years. It was a struggle for John to overcome his addiction because he never understood why his biological mother put him up for adoption. John often projected his anger toward Alex (Callahan, 1989).
I felt raw fear, the fear of not getting my needs met. It was rooted in my abandonment by my real mother at birth and exacerbated tenfold by the paralysis. For three hours every day my body was penetrated, pumped out, squeezed dry, scrubbed down, hoisted up and down and dressed-... When something did snap and I screamed at Alex, he would stomp out and leave high and dry for an hour. ... I'd sometimes sit alone and try to pull myself together, feeling horribly guilty about loosing my control with me. But he stayed with me. I think he understood (Callahan, 1989, p. 113)
Nevertheless, having a strong desire to seek a better life motivated John to keep searching for new techniques to experience inner peace. For example, he started to study Budda and the Catholic religion in further detail to develop a meaningful relationship with God. After John gave up drinking, he had a different attitude toward life that he could not relate to Alex anymore. Therefore, John hired Martin, who had been a drug dealer and became a completely dedicated full-time care taker, decided to keep Alex as only part-time help. Then, John started to study hard to become a better student and majored in English at Portland State University (Callahan, 1989).
Falling in love with a college female college student made him the happiest man. After three months of serious dating, he wanted to see other women, which destroyed his romantic involvement. Maintaining a healthy relationship was difficult because John was searching for his birth mother; moreover, he still had trouble accepting that he was adopted. Then, John decided to draw cartoons that were published in various magazines. This was absolutely terrific for he could express his feelings without getting drunk or taking his frustrations out on other people (Callahan, 1989).
As soon as John started to earn a profit from his work, a case worker, who worked for Social Security, threatened to terminate his benefits. The case worker said that John was employed and earning a reasonable salary. As a result, he did not qualify to receive SSDI's benefits any longer.
Nevertheless, he was able to overcome this obstacle by joining a relevant insurance plan that allowed people to earn and keep some of their income. Furthermore, John was able to keep his job (Callahan, 1989).