Lyrics | Index SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN! I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he is a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it off! For starters. the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia pet under the tree - still in the bag! Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: Men can't pack a bag. Men would rather be caught dead than wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity threatened by being seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to let their physique be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling "a bowlful of jelly". Men aren't interested in stockings unless someone's wearing them. Having to do the "Ho-Ho-Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment! I can buy the fact that the other "mythical" characters are men: Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definitely a guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick! Up on the housetop reindeer pause, Out jumps good old Santa Claus. Down thru the chimney with lots of toys, All for the little ones, Christmas joys! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Up on the housetop, Click, click, click. Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick! First comes the stocking of little Nell. Oh, dear Santa, fill it well. Give her a dolly that laughs and cries. One that will open and shut her eyes. Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Up on the housetop Click, click, click, Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick. Next comes the stocking of little Will. Oh, just see what a glorious fill. Here is a hammer and lots of tacks. Also a ball and a whip that cracks! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Up on the housetop Click, click, click, Down thru the chimney with good Saint Nick! The Christmas Caroler We Need A Little Christmas Introduction O Come, O Come, Emmanuel Advent The First Noel The first Christmas The Christmas Song What is Christmas? Caroling, Caroling The History of Christmas Carols Carol of the Bells Christmas Trivia, Superstitions and Quotes O Tannenbaum/O Christmas Tree The History of the Christmas Tree and Other Greens Deck The Halls Decorating Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies Recipes Here Comes Santa Claus Santa Claus Let There be Peace on Earth Santa's Prayer on Christmas Eve Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer Fun and Games Up on the Housetop Santa is a Woman! We Three Kings of Orient Are Three Wise Women Ihr Kinderlein Kommet/O Come, Little Children Christmas Memories All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth Please sign my guestbook! Visit my other websites at: Carol's World! Join me in my Garden!