No Room for This View or "Where Meredith Vieira can Stick her Schtick" - I was tempted to tackle this one myself, but Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post did it *perfectly.*  Here's an excerpt from her 10-29-00 article (full story is linked above) duly crucifying the mediot "gals" from "The View" for their ditsy, moronic (and offensive) behavior at The World Series: 

"...Okay then, for the sake of comedy, for schtick, imagine that Piazza asked Vieira such a question [referring to Vieira's dim-witted and harrassing question to Mike Piazza, "Who has the biggest wood?" on the Mets --  and her reply that it was "for schtick."  I still can't believe they let her into the ballpark, nevermind that someone actually gave her a press pass!]. "Hey Meredith, who's got the biggest ta-tas?" We would label him a leering pre-Cambrian swine, and throw him to a snarling pack of post-feminists, who would rip his mustache off by the bristles, right? So what do we do with Vieira? Do we: a) Hit her in the face with a shovel. b) Read aloud from 'What Women Want' by Patricia Ireland until she begs us to stop. c) Thank Vieira for her contributions to baseball. Thank you, Meredith, for reaffirming sexual stereotypes and the notion that there are only two kinds of men and women who hang around the backstop, Pigs and Bims."  ARRRGH!  Sally, I vote we go with the shovel method for this bim, and I hope she gets sued.
 

To ME!  Thought some of you might get a giggle here.  In my Jim Rice birthday story (posted here), I wrote:

----------------
"...So, nevermind the game.  As I recall, the Yankees were killing us (it's
one of their first Spring Training victories, for what that's worth).  It's
hard not to care, but at this time of year, the game's the thing, the
outcome really doesn't matter!  It JUST DOESN'T MATTER!   Not even when it's
the 'Bronx Bombers.'  Hailing from Tampa as they do this time of year,
there's just no ferocity;  they may as well be the Tampa Tigresses.  IT JUST
DOESN'T MATTER!!' (emphasis added)"
------------------
So, tonight I was proofing it, and it occurred to me that just because
tigresses are *female* -- it doesn't make them any less f'ing ferocious!!
The female animal is much more ferocious than the male among many species.  D'OH!!  I promptly changed the word to "Tiggers."  Now Tigger was one wuss of a feline, wasn't he (or she)? :-)  Anyway, can't believe I wrote that!!  I'm considering myself duly edited!
 

During part two of tonight's (9/21/00) Sox-Indians double-header, Jerry Remy (breaking my oh-so-fragile ;-) little heart, by the way, since he's one of my favorite color commentators) stated: "Ladies love to shop."  Thank you Jerry, for the enlightening gender stereotype.  For the record, this lady hates shopping (but digs baseball).

His comment resulted in part from quoting a similarly narrow-minded comment attributed to Cleveland pitcher Chuck Finley's recently uprooted, Los Angelean actress wife, who said there's "nothing to do in Cleveland except go shopping" or something to that effect.  So, as is often the case, here we have a woman perpetuating bogus stereotypes against her own gender.  <Grrrrrr.>  Earlier this week I read a post on a listserve from a woman hoping to catch a TV show (that she couldn't watch live) via her VCR when she got home.  She wrote: "I pray my VCR works."  How 'bout try PROGRAMMING it?  I can assure this poor woman (in need of divine intervention to make a tape??) that praying alone won't get the show on tape. 

Then there's the whiz-bang woman on a music-related newsgroup who posted to all how she was boldly venturing into "guy stuff" - like electronics - (geez, I'm surprised the keyboard even allows me to type that big word) who wanted advice on which brand of CDR burners she might find the most "chick-friendly."   But don't get me started.  [Note to self: write full-length rant about things *women* say and do to make the whole lot of us look helpless, pathetic and good for nothing....except, maybe - uh -- shopping.  Yes, it will be about sports.  And before you go clicking off in a huff, thinking you're being force-fed militant nazi-feminism here, see this equal opportunity rant and then think again!  Maybe I am guilty of trying to force-feed a little awareness and associated common sense, but certainly not anything more.]

Missed, Outside 
(nit-picking on goofs & other annoying stuff):

ARRGH!! Can *ANYBODY* get Fisk's numbers right?? ANYONE?  Following the September 4 ceremony retiring Fisk's number 27 at Fenway, Gordon Edes writes (in The Boston Globe): "Fisk, a 10-time All-Star who played 2,236 games, a record for a catcher, 1,078 of those with the Sox. ..."(emphasis added).  Geez, Gord!  You screwed up worse than the Hall of Fame (see below)!  Technically, he *played* 2,499 games, but he caught 2,226 of them.  At least I THINK I've got these numbers right!  It's hard to be sure anymore, since you apparently can't trust ANYONE about such matters!  The Red Sox did a fantastic job with the cermonies, but alas, they, like Bud Selig during the induction, read from the errant Hall of Fame plaque inscription (*sigh*), further etching the wrong number of games caught by Fisk into history forever.

One other thing from Gordon Ede's September 5 recap in The Boston Globe kind of ticked me off.  He writes:

"Fisk's family, including his parents, Cecil and Leona; his wife, Linda; his daughters, Carlyn and Courtney; and his son, Casey, all occupied seats of honor, along with Red Sox CEO John Harrington, Duquette, and Carl Yastrzemski, Fisk's Hall of Fame teammate. 'He played the game the right way,'Yastrzemski, his hair dyed black, said in his speech, 'both behind the plate and at the plate.'" (Again, the emphasis is mine.)

So what's wrong with this? Well, for starters - what was the point of pointing out the dye job??  We all know that the great Yaz isn't getting any younger -- neither are any of us.  If this comment was even fathomably appropriate, Gordon, then why not also speculate on whether all the Fisk women surrounding Yaz at the ceremony were in fact, natural blondes??  Think about it!!  (Hey - this is an equal-opportunity rant space.)
 

The National Baseball Hall of Fame made a "typo" on Carlton Fisk's induction plaque, crediting him with three more games caught (2,229) than he actually logged (2,226).   I could swear I saw Fiskie cringe as Bud Selig read the plaque during the induction ceremony.  Whoops.  Oh well, I wonder if my postcard <--(this will take you back to the HOF photo gallery) documenting the gaffe will be a collector's item someday?

 

"DARR-yll" Taunt to MLB (with Boys & Girls Clubs of America) for their poorly-scripted commercial featuring Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield and Phillies' outfielder Doug Glanville.  The message is of course, a good one - athletes giving back to their communities, and working with children.  I think the athletes could have said virtually ANYTHING to make this point and plug MLB as a generous, charitable organization.  But the script here just plain sucks.   Here's why:  First, we get Tim Wakefield saying "I wish I had something like (Boys & Girls Club) when I was growing up."  According to the Boys and Girls Club website, the first club was founded in 1860, and by 1956, Boys Clubs of America (the name was changed to include Girls in 1990) celebrated its 50th anniversary and received a U.S. Congressional Charter.  Now, this isn't Tim's fault as I doubt he made up his own lines for this spot, but Mr. Wakefield was born in 1966, and I'll bet  there were indeed Boys Clubs "around" when he was growing up.  For the record, I was born six months earlier than Tim and the Clubs were quite popular when I was growing up.  Even if his statement were technically correct due to a regional lack of access where Tim grew up (Florida?), it's a stupid thing to put in a script that touts the benefits of an organization with a proud, 140 year tradition.

As for Glanville's line about working with kids, "starting with the computer work, so the kids can keep up with the times..." All I can think when I hear this is - who writes this crap?  This vague, powerless prose only serves to make it abundantly apparent that Glanville doesn't have a clue about computers, and that the kids were probably teaching him. Now, I'm not suggesting that Glanville discuss proxy servers, microprocessors, or I/O addresses, but could someone have tossed in the word "internet," or "world-wide web," or any phrase at all that would make Mr. Glanville appear to possess at least a nanobit of information regarding what he is supposedly teaching to kids?

A parting shot on this shoot - nice camera angle, lingering on Wakefield's crotch.  But -- WHY??
 

reader retort!!: And why the closing crotchshot? C'mon, Y -- that's to attract a target audience; namely ___ year-young killer blondes from ____________. . . . Worked, huh? D. --------- Well, ok, I'll give you this. But only because you called me "killer." :-)  How do you know so much about me, btw???  -yf p.s. now that I've taken the trouble to ___ "out" my age, if anyone is actually curious, just read the rant above - there's a good clue there...(d'oh!)

Baseball Weekly, July 5-12 "All Star Preview" Issue - When I first read this (quote above), I chuckled.  But upon seeing that the source of the seemingly dim-witted remark was born and raised in Puerto Rico, where English was likely his second language, I decided it's just a rather cheap shot.  Or maybe language wasn't an issue at all, and the player was OVER-Americanizing, and the reporter left out some key commas, as in:  "After all, they're, like, father and son."  Not that I would defend this usage, but one never knows about reporters!  They NEED scoop!  In any case, it certainly doesn't warrant such BOLD placement (nor is it worth much of a rant, come ta think about it), and it would have been a lot funnier if a guy named John Smith had said it.

 

But THIS made me laugh.  It's Baseball Weekly's All-Star roster prediction for AL shortstop, by Paul White.

"It's an annual rite now.  Which two of the big three will make it, and how will the inevitably close fan vote affect the choice?  Alex Rodriguez of the Mariners is clearly having the best season, and the fans agree.  Boston's Noman Garciaparra should be the reserve, don't you think, Joe Torre?  That leaves Derek Jeter out." 

(Yeah, game MVP Jeter sure must have felt left out, all right.)

• Re: "The McDonough Report" - a local Fox TV ad features Sean McDonough talking about his most memorable game, 9/10/99  Red Sox v. the Yankees, in which Pedro Martinez "struck out 18."  It was Pedro's career high K's in a game, and it was, of course, 17.  This has me wondering if maybe the folks in the FOX cutting room played a little gag on the extremely competent Mr. McDonough here?  This glitch was just TOO glaring to have been inadvertent.  In any case, FOX shouldn't have slept through at least two month's worth of airings before pulling the spot!

 

reader retort!: McDonough Report:  Hey, could've been a gag by Fox -- but also could've been a gag by Sean -- reminiscent of a gag popular with utility players in the 1950s (among them Bob Ueker<sic>) of posing for one's baseball card holding the bat on wrong shoulder.  Let's see who's awake out there!  D. --------- I'm sure Sean would appreciate this, D.  Hey, thanks also for the de-Murdoch-izing suggestions.  Stole 'em.  DGC,  -yf

Paul O'Neill of the Yankees, for keeping his Number 21 instead of offering it up to transferred teammate Roger Clemens.  I bet if O'Neill had an inkling of how ubiquitous the  new "Yankees Sucks" shirts, which bear HIS No. 21, would become in New England and beyond, he would've said "Hey, Rog - you keep your number, baby.  Buy me a Rolex or something, and we'll call it even."  I still have yet to see a "Yankees Suck" shirt with the number "22" (Clemens' current identifier) on it.  And O'Neill doesn't deserve to be the center of this confusion.
 

• Re: Dan Shaughnessy's June 14 Boston Globe column: a mini-slap to you.  If you were any kind of Springsteen fan, you'd have known that Bruce didn't play "last" night (June 13) in NY.  He played the previous night.  As to whether Dan Duquette wanted to be there THAT night,  -- why do you think the game at Yankee Stadium was "rained out?"

 
• If Tony Massarotti of the Boston Herald uses the redundancy "true fact" one more time, I'm going to hurl.

Stee-Rike (right on!):
• Bleacher Cheers ("PEDRO!! PEDRO!!") to AROD!!  Now I am certain that Arod is better than  Jeter; the jury's still out on Nomar.  But you've got to love this young man!

 
• Bleacher Cheers ("PEDRO!! PEDRO!!") August 14th, 2000 - Softballer Strikes Out 21! It is August and the baseball boys of summer are starting to heat up. The girls, on the other hand, led by super softballer Lisa Fernandez, have been at a full boil for quite some time in preparation for the Sydney Olympics.  In fact, on Friday evening, Fernandez, who does double duty as the squad's third baseman when not pitching, tossed her (get this) FIFTH straight perfect game. Even more impressive than her fifth game of ceding not an inch to her opponents' offense was the spectacular fashion in which she accomplished the feat; Fernandez struck out all 21 of the batters she faced! The guru, the toughest out on the diamond during her softball heyday, is simply flabbergasted by this pitching performance. Striking out 21 batters (even 21 life-size dummies--which is what the guru suspects some of the USA's competition has been lately) is simply unheard of in softball, where the bunt and the slap and the little used but always effective "toss yourself in front of a pitch" are such formidable weapons. Even if this game was a "gopher ball," so to speak, the guru is still gaga about it. A 21 strikeout tour de force performance is exactly what the U.S. squad needs, competitively and attention-wise, heading into Sydney. (from "the guru" at www.gURL.com)

UPDATE 9/21/00:  U.S. Women suffered three straight heartbreaking losses at the Sydney Olympics, after winning 112 games STRAIGHT in their pre-Olympic tour.  Media note to NBC: It's about time you covered this sport, instead of just televising bikini, I mean "beach"  volleyball.  (In '96 nobody got to see the U.S. women win the gold on TV.)

UPDATE 10/?/00: U.S. Women WIN GOLD!!!!!  Again!!!  HUGE, HUGE comeback from 0-3 deficit.  Congratulations!!!!  An amazing team.  Speechless right now. :-)
 

• "PEDRO!! PEDRO!!" to MLB for their "first game" commercial.  In this heartening television advertisement about a kid's "first trip to the ballpark" - the little decked-out darling we see intently eyeing the playing field at the end just happens to be a GIRL.  Good, p-c work, folks. -yf

 
©Yvonne Flanagan, 2000