Quest for Self Esteem

Self-esteem, so many search for it, so many claim to offer it. Self-esteem, that deeply personal quality that motivates people to act or not to act in ways that often mystify the rest of us. As I sit writing this piece, I’m not sure I can even pin point exactly what self-esteem is. We tie it to confidence, happiness, and self-love. We think that the lack of it causes people to engage in self-destructive behavior. We seek after it, we praise it, we lift up holy hands to it as if it were the manifestation of God in our souls.

And yet, how do we identify what self-esteem really is? Are we so confident of its meaning? Let me give you some examples of the problems I am having with this concept. If I think positively about myself, as the promoters of positive thinking say I should, will that automatically mean I am a happy person? At this moment I feel pretty good about myself, but there are still plenty of times when I am unhappy. If I have a strong sense of self, something I am told will create strong character in me, will that automatically mean I am self-confident and therefore able to attempt tasks that are difficult and challenging? At this time in my life I have a lot of confidence, and yet, there are plenty of tasks that I am deathly afraid to attempt. Do you see the trouble I have in pinning down what this concept means in a real sense?

Another problem I have is with the volumes of self-esteem themed books available for purchase. I don’t think that obtaining or increasing positive self-esteem is as easy as the guys selling the self-help books make it sound. I also don’t think their answers are on target, since so many people who buy self-help books, return to the bookstores within a year to buy more. Many years ago I engaged in this same behavior. I learned a lot, but I can’t say that my esteem levels were boosted with the help of self-help.

So here is my attempt to define what self-esteem is and where it comes from as taught to us from The Urantia Book. Is this book just another tome that bows down before the gilded throne of self-esteem? Or does it point to something more? I believe it is the latter.

Let me start with my own struggles with this issue. I certainly wasn’t born with an abundance of the stuff. Growing up I was a quiet and sarcastic boy. Not speaking much allowed me to avoid conflict, which I did at all costs. When people befriended me, I was callous and insulting because that is how my friends acted. Making fun of people was easy for me, and it allowed me and my friends to feel superior to the people we were ridiculing. Joking also helps a person to hide his/her true feelings. I excelled at that. I did and said a lot of foolish things in my teenage years. And everything I did that I am ashamed of today I did to make someone else like me. This seems to me to be an expression of low self-esteem.

There came a time when the feel-better-about-myself strategies that I outlined above were no longer satisfactory. I was always interested in religious philosophy and late in High School I befriended Tony. He introduced me to Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christian mysticism. He also introduced me to The Urantia Book. My quest for God ended up boosting my self-esteem. In my searching I realized that God was personal and accessible. I realized that God knew who I was, knew all about me, and cared about me. This realization, coming partly from Christianity and partly from The Urantia Book, helped me to feel better about myself, and helped me become more positive about life in general. The knowledge that someone cared, was the boost I needed.

The Urantia Book says that God knows everyone of us and loves us as unique and individual creations (138.4). We are personally known by the almighty and all powerful God. No matter what my situation is if I have faith I am truly not alone. The book also talks about how profoundly debilitating isolation is (1227.6) and how spiritual isolation is just as destructive. Isolation then seems to be a major factor in personality damage. The universe was created to be a community united through the spiritual presence of our heavenly father. This diverse community is united through prayer, the spiritual connection between the individual and God. It is prayer that works to prevent us from living in spiritual isolation (996.5). Becoming spiritually connected to a caring God is surely the first step in increasing our sense of self-worth.

But I don’t think that just knowing that we are not alone and that we are loved and cared for is enough to guarantee positive well being. I know plenty of people who have family and therefore are not living in isolation, or who are married and have a love interest in their life, yet act in such a way as to convince me that their sense of self-worth is very low. I believe that possessing true knowledge of God’s love forces me to acknowledge that the cosmos is comprised of more than just me. We are a part of a supportive community, not a universe of one. This is the true nature of the universe. God supports us and we do our part in giving our support to the advancement of the universal plan. The Urantia Book says that the religion of Jesus promoted salvation from self-isolation (67.3). Another way of saying this is that Jesus preached a message of salvation from selfishness. I believe that moving away from self-centered isolation and becoming part of the greater universal community moves one towards positive self-esteem.

Moving away from self-centered thinking allows us to become an important part of God’s universal plan. Every citizen of the Kingdom is an integral part of something that is bigger than ourselves. The Urantia Book tells us that religion enfranchises the believer as a son of God, a citizen of a new and meaningful universe (1117.1). When we enter into a partnership with God we become a part of God’s greater plan for creation. We are enlisted in a corps that stretches across the universe all supporting each other and all dedicated to the supreme purpose of doing God’s will. Anyone who has experienced this knows the uplifting power of being part of such a profound movement.

Will these ideas guarantee our happiness? Will they cause us to increase our self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love? Will the proper application of these thoughts make us more successful in the world? These questions seem to miss the point. Self-esteem is not derived from selfish local thinking but selfless universal thinking. Feeling good and feeling positive about ourselves comes from looking outward into the cosmos and finding God as well as finding a universal community of mutual support and friendship. Positive self-esteem is not about me. It’s about my place in the universe.

God Bless You,

William Whitehead