| The Battle
of Tanaab
(Answers why Lando -- a complete
newcomer -- got promoted to Rebel General based only on a Han Solo testimonial,
and what the mysterious "little maneuver at the Battle of Tanaab" really
referred to)
"Tanaab"
was the captain of the cheerleading squad and valedictorian from Han and
Lando's old high school -- Corellia High -- and broke many a heart. Every
guy on campus wanted to go out with her, hence the "Battle."
When the events
of Jedi came around and one of the Rebel leaders -- a fellow Corellia
High alum -- learned about Lando's "manuever" from Han, all he could say
was "Good work, my friend!" and he made him General on the spot. (As for
the actual "maneuver," let's just say he really knew how to administrate
her facilities.)
The whole Tanaab
incident naturally made the young Han Solo real jealous, and inspired him
to free a certain Wookiee slave and make him his sidekick, because he knew
how girls dig guys with cute Wookiee sidekicks. The one time a girl wasn't
impressed by the Wookiee sidekick, though, was of course when Han met a
li'l gal named Leia.
Tanaab and Lando
eventually split up, and she got married to Lobot, who was at that point
an All-Bespin defensive back at Cloud City U. After a falling out they
too split up. Lando later bumped into Lobot and when they found out about
how each other's lives were forever changed by their brushes with the alluring
but icy Tanaab, they became fast friends and roomies.
Lando quickly
climbed the political ladder and became the new head of Cloud City. Lobot's
once promising career was finished after one too many concussions (which
explains the cranial cybernetic implants), but fortunately he had a business
degree to fall back on and was quickly offered a job as Lando's right-hand
man.
Several years
later, Han and Lando arrived at their high school reunion -- one a reformed
smuggler, the other a reformed gambler -- both revered heroes of the Republic.
No one quite knows what became of Corellia High's head cheerleader, valedictorian,
and resident heartbreaker. She was on their "Whatever happened to" list.
But surely she's
out there, in some corner of this vast universe... breaking some poor guy's
heart.
The end!
NEXT
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