"How Maul Found the
Jedi on Tatooine"

(An attempt to answer one of Phantom's mysteries/oversights/plot holes. The first paragraph is based on a piece of spam on the newsgroup at the time)
 

     Darth Maul forwarded a money-making holo-mail out to the ship. Something about how one could make thousands in CREDITS within weeks with only an initial investment of 6 credits, plus stamps(!)
     Captain Panaka wrote back, and after the events depicted in Episode I he became wealthy beyond his wildest dreams and retired from the Naboo corps. He and his lovely wife Darlene now reside on beachfront property on the luxurious Southside of Theed, where they sip a Blue Milk-Daquiri every day and raise two great kids. Panaka Jr's getting to be big and strong just like his old man. Gonna be a ballplayer someday!
     Obi-Wan Kenobi, skeptical of and enraged by the hokey-sounding "spam," remained a Jedi Knight who would continue to endure long hours of travel and put his life on the line every day, all while earning a meager per diem. He was essentially forced into early retirement after most of the Jedi were wiped out by one of his own students, and would go on to spend his remaining years in the scathing heat of the desolate Tatooine desert with much disgrace... and a meager pension plan.
     While for a short time Kenobi did see marginal success from operating a small tech shop there, that went belly-up after a big-time Toschi Station megastore moved in across the street.
     One highlight of Kenobi's career was his defeat over the aforementioned Darth Maul. Earlier, Maul himself had replied to the very investment offer he had sent out... His first check arrived the day after his death.

     The End.
 

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