9. The mind tricks to increase their discount privileges at the "Gap Jedi"

8. Obi-Wan's eggnog-induced rants about how he shoulda been the Chosen One

7. Instead of big metal objects, Yoda has the younglings practice levitation on really old fruitcake

6. Masters reluctantly scour toy stores for Jango Fett and Spider-Man action figures

5. In a show of good will towards men, they've Force-pushed Kenny G into a nest of Gundarks

4. They're searching their archives far and wide to dig up data on this "Jesus" fella

3. Jedi code amended so now they'll actually have loved ones to buy gifts for

2. That cute story about how every time a bell rings, a dead Jedi gets blue ghost status

1. They refer to the prophecy that this is gonna be the best Christmas ever!