"SMILES" page

Laugh more - live longer!

HOW THE MILITARY HAS CHANGED

 FROM 1945 TO 2006     
 
 1945 - NCO'S had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
 2006   Everyone has an Internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

 1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
 2006   - Do it now and see what happens

 1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the dorms to sleep it off.
 2006   - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

 1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
 2006   - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

 1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
 2006   - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

 1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
 2006   - They collect your pee and analyze it.

 1945 - If you didn't act right, the First Sergeant put you in the brig until you straightened up.
 2006   - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

 1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
 2006   - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

 1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
 2006   - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

 1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
 2006   - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

 1945 - We defea ted powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
 2006   - We fight ideological wars with no specific enemies like the war on drugs and the war on terrorism, with no victory in sight.

 1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officer's Club.
 2006   - The beer will cost you $3.50, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

 1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
 2006   - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Wal-Mart and K-Mart. 

 1945 - We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
 2006   - We call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

 1945 - A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
 2006   - A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

 1945 - Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
 2006   - Wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.

 1945 - All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian, again.
 2006   - All you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian, again.

 
Old Redhorse Guys

I'm over 50 now (well over) and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. 
You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, 
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. 

For starters: 
Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. 
Old Horsemen only think about sex a couple of times a week, 
leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. 

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky Horseman is a dangerous soldier. 
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. 

"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" 
"Where's the remote control?" 

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. 

An average Horseman, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 
and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. 
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.. Old guys get up early every morning to pee. 
If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. 
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. 

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and 
we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. 
We like them almost better than naps. 

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall 
with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. 
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." 

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. 

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, 
and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. 
He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker 
in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home 
to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.. 

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. 
The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million Redhorse old goats with attitudes.

Submitted by an Original Triple Nickel