This is a fictionalized account, an excerpt from one of my books. The facts about the farm are true but the wedding was different.

     Josh, Roxanne, all four children, the antique oval china cabinet stuffed with pillow and linens to protect the curved glass, and a dozen or more boxes filled the Country Squire station wagon to the bursting point. This was the last moving-in trip. Topping what they had termed Faith Hill (you had to have faith you were going to make it, without meeting someone) they spotted home, sitting just across on the next hill.

     Roxanne's dark-chocolate eyes glistened, changing her tired look to one of glowing happiness. "Gosh, it's beautiful". Dry weather had brought in Autumn's paint brush early, turning the rolling hill side shades of yellow, orange, red and brown; with big splotches of cedar-tree green.

     Josh stopped the car on the hill, explaining; "Honey, I just want to look. It reminds me so much of my mountain home. When we came over this hill the first time, you said: 'Look, Josh, there's home'. You were right". Roxanne remembered.

     During the past year, they'd spent most weekends searching for a farm for Josh to buy. Carrying sandwiches, a cooler and a map with previously traveled roads marked in heavy ink, they fully expected to find the perfect place around the next curve or over the next hill. The first time they'd seen the place, she had said just those words in answer to the trees seeming to blow a whispered 'come home...come home'. Roxanne had fell in love a first sight. A sign by the mailbox had read: 'To Be Sold at Auction', with the date.

     You can bet that's one auction we'll go to." Josh said.

     Two weeks later, as the auctioneer chanted; they'd waited --breath held and fingers crossed. Would someone out bid them? They bid went higher than anticipated. Roxanne's heart pounded. I'm afraid he won't bid higher. But, no one else should have our home. She knew deep inside, where it counts, that she and Josh would be married, and sooner than he thought at that time. Apparently, Josh read her face. In somewhat less than his usual stout-hearted voice, he upped the bid. They stood breathless until they heard the auctioneer say: 'Going once. Going twice. Gone -- to the large gentleman by the tree.' He had it!

     Josh turned to Roxanne, exclaiming: "It's ours, honey!' Roxanne thought, 'You mean yours'.

     They had walked over the place afterward, making notes on what had to be done other than putting water in the four-room farm house. Tiny Roxanne had to do a double time step in order to keep up with the long strides of the over-six-foot Josh. She didn't mind. Her years of hard work had kept her slim and supple as a teenager.

     As they left, Josh had told her: 'There's your home, honey. I bought it for you.' He still hadn't mentioned marriage.

     'I'll have to pay rent, Josh. I can't move in if I don't'. Roxanne said, wanting to say, let's get married and make it our home together, but she couldn't. Neither could she live there rent free. She didn't want to be a 'kept woman'.

     Finally agreeing that she could pay rent, Josh said: 'I'll come out on weekends. Maybe I'll quit fearing marriage and we can make things right.' His fear of marriage was there but he didn't feel right about just 'living in' with Roxanne. He was too old-fashioned for that. Roxanne's heart skipped. That's as close as he'd come to suggesting marriage for them.

     Her memories were scattered by the kids voices shouting: 'We're home! We're home!'

     The house stood at the end of the mile-long driveway, nestled under its canopy of huge orange and yellow hickory trees. The bright red door, painted yesterday by Beth, seemed to say 'welcome'.

     'At last!' Roxanne said. She knew this farm would always be home in her heart, no matter what happened. In the living room, was the large fireplace, with a fire all laid. When she was little and the family had moved so much, each time she'd wished for a fireplace so she could indulge in her favorite pastime, reading and eating apples (when they could afford them). She'd always longed for a permanent home. She and Steve had lived in a small subdivision house. It didn't have a fireplace. It wasn't permanent either.

     They got everything unloaded. Everyone was afraid to breathe until the china cabinet was in place. It had been in Roxanne's family for generations. When her mother let her take the china cabinet, Roxanne felt it was her parent's stamp of approval. She had hesitated about renting the place. She didn't think her straight-laced parents would approve of her renting from her boyfriend. They hadn't object, knowing it would be a wonderful place for the children to grow up. Roxanne didn't let her parent rule her life but she didn't want to anger or upset them either. They had always been there during the dark years ready to help.

     With everything unloaded, the kids went running off. They'd each found a 'special' place earlier. Josh and Roxanne sat rocking and resting on the porch, talking over their plans for the farm. 'It will take lots of work and money, but we can make this a beautiful home.' Josh said. 'The first thing is to get water in. I'll remind you again, honey. As long as I'm alive, this is your home and even after. You know everything I have is willed to you and the children." Josh said.

     That doesn't mean marriage. I want to be legally and morally yours, went through Roxanne's mind. Knowing she didn't want anyone else in her life, Roxanne kept her thoughts to herself; saying too much at this point could only drive Josh away. She loved him and would settle for what she could have and would have faith that it would work out. She only said: 'Come help me draw some water from the well. I'll get supper.'

     After a delicious supper, served on a picnic table, under the sycamore trees, Roxanne washed the dishes on the porch, thinking, this is almost pioneer living. She felt peaceful and at home. That's what is important, I guess. Maybe we'll all reach our dreams.

      As soon as they were excused from the table, Beth and Bruce had gone for a walk. Roxanne could hear the soft echo of their voices in the woods behind the house. She joined Josh who was lazily swaying back and forth in the porch swing. He drew her into his arms, kissing her softly. As always, Roxanne melted against his hard body. The warmth of his kiss grew, making her weak with desire. Pushing her away with a hand on each shoulder, his warm, dark eyes made direct contact with her soft brown matching ones -- his wanting was evident.

     'Roxanne, honey, this has been one of the happiest days of my life. I love you so much. Seeing the kids so happy and you hustling around like a mother hen has been good for this old love-starved heart. This is your home, forever. I want nothing but your happiness. His arms slid around her, pulling her close. Her mouth opened to receive his loving kiss. She felt the familiar longing begin in the center of her being. Their warmth and passion grew until Roxanne suddenly pulled away. 'Roxanne, don't pull away. I want you darling. I need you.'

     'I want you, too, Josh. But the children will be back in a minute. We've talked about this.'

     'I know we have -- no 'live-in lover'. He grinned shyly. 'But, let me stay this once.'

     'Oh, you can stay. That's the reason for the large bed in Bruce's room...for you to sleep in when you stay over.'

     'I don't want to sleep with Bruce. I want to sleep with you. I love you. I need you. I want you.'

     Dismay filled Roxanne's heart. She'd been afraid this would happen. They were only human. She wanted to say to Josh, if you want a 'normal' home life, it entails marriage. If you want a single life then you better learn what it's like. What she did say, was: 'Josh, I want you too. But, you know how I feel about this. If I lower my standards in from of the children, I cannot expect them to know how valued their gift of love is. They would only think, what's good for momma is good for me. We can still have our love, but not in front of the children. We know our values, theirs are just forming. You say you want my happiness, please respect me in this. That will make me happy. Can you understand a straight-laced, old-fashioned woman?'

     'Yes, darling. I can and do. You're right. I got carried away with my love for you. I'll go on to the apartment and let you and the little ones get settled in. I'll be out tomorrow.' With a Groucho Marx leer, he asked: 'What time do the kids leave for school.' He called to the children: 'You kids, behave and have a good night. Bruce, you're the man of the house; take care of your mother and sisters. I love you, all. Good night.'

     Josh kissed Roxanne and left after telling her he'd be back in the morning with some workers to begin getting the water in.

     'Okay, cookie monsters, time for bed. School tomorrow, you know. Help me draw some water, so we can wash off.' Knowing there wouldn't be any running water, they'd all shampooed and bathed at Grandma's that morning. Roxanne thought they could get be with a 'spit-bath' until she saw Bruce. He was filthy. 'You've had your dirt magnet working over time haven't you, hot shot. Well, I guess boys are supposed to get dirty in the country. At least it's not the sooty, grime of the city.' she told Bruce.

     She and Janie put the round tin tub in the kitchen. Struggling with the well, they finally had enough water for Bruce to take a bath.

     Bruce's eyes popped open in amazement when he saw the tub. I'm supposed to take a bath in that thing?' he asked. Roxanne only nodded, trying to hold back her laughter. 'I don't like this, Momma. Will we always have to do this?'

     She reassured eight-year-old Bruce. "No, darling. we'll soon have water in and it will be just like the home we had, only better.' adding to herself, if we're lucky.

     During the night, Roxanne was awakened by a loud, rattling noise. Frightened, she sat straight up in bed. After a few seconds, she realized it was rain on the ten roof. A welcome sound, after two months of extremely dry weather. Jumping from the bed, she grabbed every bucket, tub and container she could find; putting them under the eaves to catch the rain.' 'At least we'll have bath water for awhile,' she said to the dark, damp night.

     Drying off and getting back into her snug, lonely bed, Roxanne chided herself. you've got to be crazy to leave a modern, comfortable house to live in this shack. No running water. No heat, except wood fires. Bare light bulbs hanging from the ceiling. Young ones to care for, all alone. I am crazy. Crazy with love for Josh. Maybe after the place is fixed up and Josh starts being around us more, things will work out. Listening to the rain and thanking God for it, she drifted off to sleep, wishing she had Josh's big, warm body to curl up against. Roxanne knew this was supposed to be the era of free, liberated love, but she wouldn't share a bed with Josh when he came out. She didn't want the children to be in an atmosphere of free love. Other people could do as they wished, but this was her life and would be lived by her principles.

     If anything could have discouraged Roxanne about her pioneer living, it would have been the next day. The children missed the school bus, forcing Roxanne to drive three different directions. She drove to the town high-school to take the older two. Across town to the grade school for Beth. Bruce had wanted to go to the rural two-room school with grades one though eight with three teachers. She and Josh had thought it might be a good experience for him. The plumber couldn't make it. He'd be there 'Wednesday, a week (whatever that meant)'.

     Roxanne spent an hour trying to draw a bucked of water from the well to make tea. Dale, a neighbor boy they'd met earlier, came up as she was struggling with the well rope. He taught her the secret. 'You have to let the bucket 'plunk' under the water, two times before you start pulling up. Hear it?' She heard and learned.

     Beth missed the school bus coming home. Another fifteen miles to town. Josh was coming for supper. She hadn't even planned what to have. She wanted to have a sandwich and go to bed. But, she gritted her teeth, thinking she'd show him she could be what he expected -- 'a true country girl.' She fixed supper with the girls helping. The children wanted Josh to be their father as much as she did. They were eager to help make things look good for Josh.

     After supper, Josh and Bruce went for a walk. Watching them from the porch, Roxanne thought: Josh is good for Bruce. Bruce tries to walk right in his footprints, trying to be like him. Bruce would grow into a fine man with Josh's guidance. He'd be a good father. Enough of those kind of thoughts for now. Time will tell.

     Two months later, Roxanne was waiting at the end of the driveway for the school bus to drop the kids off; trying to catch her diary up to date. She'd been too busy putting up paneling, directing the workmen, painting, sanding floors, and such to write daily. Even though they still didn't have water in, they'd accomplished a lot.

     Remembering the past months, she laughed. They got the plumbing in and put a pump in the well, which went dry after one flushing, and one bath.

     Dale's father, who claimed to be a water witch, switched a well for the. Cutting a branch from a peach tree, explaining that willow switches would work as well, he trimmed the branch into a y shape. Gripping the handles of the y., he slowly walked around until the point began to turn toward the ground. 'There's where your water is.' Skeptic Roxanne had to try 'witching'. In spite of all she could do to hold the switch, it nosed down in the same spot. They dug a well there. Two days later, it went dry. Now, they were laying pipe to pump water from the lake on the back of the place. So much for witching.

     Josh had bought some cows. Roxanne recalled with laughter the sight of six city people trying to herd sixteen frightened cows into the right field. Who was more frightened? She'd left the gate open to the corn field. Naturally, the cows headed there. After much running, sweating and frustration, they finally got the cows where they belonged -- with Dale's help. Dale also helped with the paneling and painting. The house had a cozy, lived-in look with the furniture and decorative pieces bought at country auctions. Roxanne had made draperies, spreads and tablecloths. Josh taught Bruce how to lay a fire. They had plenty of wood cut, so the house was warm. All they needed now was water. They should have it by nightfall. Josh had hung hams in the smoke house, smoking them each weekend when he came out. The small fire built of hickory chips sent forth a delightful aroma as the drippings from the ham fell through the smoke.

     The stolen times Josh and Roxanne had together were beautiful but not enough. It was difficult to keep their desire in check during the quiet times at night, after the 'rug rats' were in bed but so far, they'd managed it. When Josh would kiss her goodnight, she'd feel the aliveness start. She wanted Josh. He wanted her. But, they'd have to wait. They'd also learned you couldn't successfully program love and desire.

     On Sunday nights, they went to Josh's apartment for baths. When it was warm enough, they bathed in the lake. They had chickens, goats, geese, pigs, cows, two dogs, and a cat. Beth, the animal lover, watched over then and made everyone help take care of them,. All they needed was a father and husband.

     Suzanne yelled "Hi, Mom, I'm glad you met us; it's a long walk up that driveway. They piled into the car, all clamoring at once, wanting to know what was going on.

     The phone was ringing when they came in the house. It was Josh. 'Hello, darling. Could you leave he kids and go out to dinner tonight, just us. I need to talk to you.'

     'I'd love to. I could use some time away.'

     Settling the kids down to dinner, she bathed and dressed; wondering what Josh wanted to talk about. Even though they'd gotten closer, she didn't feel he was ready for marriage. What could it be? She gulped. Maybe he's found someone else!

     They enjoyed a quiet dinner at a dimly lit club where a soft-voiced girl sang popular songs of their younger days. When they started home, Josh still hadn't mentioned what it was he wanted to talk about.

     Topping the hill, where they could see the lights of home, Josh stopped the car and turned toward Roxanne. 'There's your home, Roxanne. Do you think you cold share it, on a permanent basis, with a poor, lonely man? I've finally learned what I'm missing. All the good things in life. Mainly you. I want to share my life with you more than anything in the world. I love you, Roxanne. Will you marry me?'

     There they were -- the words she'd waited for! 'Oh, Josh! Yes! I will. I've waited so long for you to ask. I was beginning to lose hope, although I know we were made for each other. Our relationship is good but I think we're ready for marriage -- both of us. I do love you so."

     'Thank you for being so patient with me. You've made me love you even more.' Pulling her close, he kissed her warmly. Starting the car, he said: "Let's go tell the younguns.'

     They were overjoyed. Hugging and kissing, first Josh, then Roxanne, they spilled out the plans they'd been making for months. Children have faith.

     The wedding was just as they'd planned. Janie, Suzanne and Beth acted as maids-of-honor for their mother. Bruce was Josh's best man. Father Gregg performed the ceremony in front of the mantle which was decorated with Roxanne's favorites -- yellow and white daisies and ferns. Their best friends, Nancy and Justin were the other witnesses.

     Justin said since he and Nancy had introduced Roxanne and Josh, he wanted to see the knot tied properly. Anyway, he wouldn't believe it if he didn't witness it.

     Immediately after the services, Bruce yelled: "Hooray, I finally got a daddy, all my own!' hugging Josh fiercely.

     Their honeymoon was spent moving Josh in and settling down as a real family. After church on Sunday, they spent the rest of the day quietly at home.

     When Josh left for work the next morning, it was snowing. Roxanne had delayed her return to work by taking a leave of absence until the legislative session began. An hour later, the ground was covered with a fluffy blanket of snow. School was canceled for the day. The hillside echoed with noises normally crated with the building of snowmen, belly flops, sliding and frigid fun in the white eiderdown coverlet. A big pot of stew was bubbling on the stove and homemade bread was taking its time rising.

     Picking up the book she was reading, Roxanne pulled her chair closer to the fire, spreading the handmade afghan over her legs. She picked an apple out of the basket and started nibbling. Her favorite daydream had come true -- she had a love-filled home of her own, where she could curl up in front of a crackling fire, with a good book, eating all the apples she could hold. She had Josh's warm love and a two-parent, secure home for the children. With a fireplace, and good books, what more could she want? This was security. She picked up her book, chomped down on her apple and waited for Josh to come home to her -- his wife.