When Good Toliets Do Bad Things...

When Good Toliets Do Bad Things, When well-meaning toliet owners get out of hand, when good T-shirts go very bad...

You've heard of toliet paper. But I bet you've never heard of a paper toliet!
The Outback Pack is sold as a portable camping commode. The cardboard biffy comes with its own seat & lid, several disposable poo bags, toliet tissue, and a heavy duty zip lock bag to keep everything tidy until you need to use it. It unfolds (deploys) in a matter of seconds, so it's ready to "go" when you are.

The funniest part though, is that it actually works! It is designed to safely support a person of 275 pounds.

If you want to buy one of these cool paper toliets, go to the Outback Pack website, or write:
GT Products LLC
P.O. Box 11048
Fort Smith, AR 72917-11048
Ph: 501-452-1893
Fx: 501-782-2482
The Outback Pack portable toliet costs just $15 delivered.

Some of the instructions printed on the lid. The "caution" notices say do not leave the toliet near open flame, do not stand on the toliet, and do not lean back on the toliet while shitting.

This odd T-shirt showed up in the mail a week or so ago. What's so funny about it isn't the diarrhea pouring out of that faucet, but the gross misspelling on the logo!

It says "Toliet To Tap", where the correct spelling would be "Toilet To Tap".
Personally, I think the misspelled version is far funnier, and I wouldn't change it for the world!! Do you want one? Then to go
http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=scatcat
The "All your base" one is an internet joke, and is not really available.
The misspelled one on the left is the real McCoy. :)

Have you ever wanted to see the Honey Nut Cheerios bee drown in the toliet?

"Dammit, it won't go down!!"

This horribly mutilated toliet bowl was found in an alley just two blocks from my Seattle home.
Believe it or not, I went back for it. Someone pee'd in it, but didn't take a dump, so it can be disinfected.
Its destiny is uncertain, but it will likely become a planter. A very, very bizarre planter. :-O
Someone put a lot of time and effort into this, and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.

Update... can you guess what ever became of this toliet?
If you guess a planter, give yourself 4 fresh rolls of Charmin!

COMMON MISSPELLINGS OF THE WORD "TOILET"
On Yahoo!, by order of number of documents found containing the misspelling or the word used in some other manner...

Toliet - 3,520 documents

Tolet - 1,150 documents

Terlet - 798 documents

Tiolet - 729 documents

Toliett - 664 documents

Toillet - 410 documents

Turlet - 236 documents

Toylet - 193 documents

Torler - 65 documents

Toilit - 30 documents

Toilot - 14 documents

Toillett - 12 documents

Tolliet - 10 documents

Toilat - 8 documents

Turolet - 7 documents

Terolet - 5 documents

Toillit - 4 documents

Toillut - 4 documents

Tiollet - 4 documents

Toliett - 3 documents

Toylett - 2 documents

Terlett - 2 documents

Turlett - 2 documents

Toilut - 1 document

Torolet - 1 document

Towlet - 1 document

Toilitt - 1 document

Sniglets concerning toliets. Some courtesy of http://www.ccs.neu.edu/home/maddog/stuff/sniglets.html and others were self-invented just because I felt like it. Buculets \ BUK'u'lets \ (n.) The bumper guards on the underside of a toliet seat. Charmadhesion \ sharm'ad'HEE'zhun \ (adv.) The property of new toliet paper rolls where the "start" is glued to the roll or cannot be found; frequently resulting in charmangulation (see below) of the roll by the frustrated TP user. Charmangulation \ shar'mang'yoo'LAY'shun \ (v.) The act of ripping and clawing at a new roll of toliet paper in a vain attempt to find the "start". Usually results in numerous layers of toliet paper being ripped away and wasted before the roll starts to unwind correctly and can be placed in the dispenser. Flowfright \ FLO'frite \ (n.) The desperate attempt by a homeowner to talk his or her overflowing toliet into backing down. Merferator \ MUR'fur'ay'ter \ (n.) The cardboard core in a toliet tissue roll. Pottyfright \ POT'ee'frite \ (n.) In a public restroom, the act of directing your urine onto the side of the bowl instead of in the water because you're afraid someone else in the restroom will hear it. Seatled \ SEET'uld \ (n.) The act of being startled by the sound of the toliet seat hitting the bowl too hard. The effect is exceptionally pronounced when it occurs at night. Thermalophobia \ thur'muh'lo'FO'be'uh \ (n.) The fear when showering that someone will sneak in, flush the toliet, and scald you to death. Tile comet \ tyl KOM'it \ (n.) Any streamer of toliet paper attached to your heel as you emerge from a public restroom. Toilaflexion \ toy'lah'FLEK'shun \ (v.) The unnatural twisting and bending motions made by people as they wipe while still seated on a toliet. Toilaflexion can occasionally result in pulls or strains if performed while standing. Toilaknobules \ toy'lah'NOB'yools \ (n.) Those plastic knob-like things that cover the floor bolts on a toliet. Also a good place to look for Uronium (see below). Uricide \ YER'eh'side \ (n.) The act of killing a fly or other insect buzzing around in a toliet or urinal by shooting at it with your urine stream until you manage to hit it, knocking it into the fixture where it can be disposed of by flushing. Urinator \ YER'en'ay'ter \ (n.) A urinal that splashes your own pee all over your shoes or pants when you use it. Uronium \ yer'OH'nee'um \ (n.) (Chemical symbol: Un, atomic number 327) An odoriferous brown substance that usually exists between the toliet seat hinges and the bowl. Uronium may also appear around the bolts that hold the toliet to the floor. Most people refuse to acknowledge its existence and simply ignore it; choosing instead to mask its unique odor with Glade (tm) Plug-Ins (tm) or Wizard(tm) aerosol (tm).

Toliets located in the Juneau AK. Federal Building were designed a little too powerful. If one lowers the end of the toliet paper into the water and flushes repeatedly, the entire roll will be consumed within ten or fifteen seconds, right out of the dispenser. The pressure assisted toliets are loud enough to be heard flushing from any ground-floor location.

New toliet paper dispensers, designed to stop this kind of waste, proved to be ineffective with these ultra-powerful johns, once vandals removed the roll-lock pin, thus allowing the roll to free-wheel.

Do you like to ruin public toliets and waste all of their TP and leave a mess for the janitor?

Then this website is for you. BOGTRASHER'S INC. is a select group of guys who love nothing more than to waste TP and try to flush toliet brushes down the toliets in public places. Anonymity is essential here, and no names are revealed. Send them a photo of a toliet you've trashed, and try for a membership into their secret BogTrasher's Club.
Try them at http://www.telinco.co.uk/bogtrashers/ and join in the fun!

Responding to vandalism and damage caused by wallets or other articles 'hidden' inside toliet tanks, some business owners have resorted to fastening the toliet tank lids to the tanks with long lengths of hose clamp, wrapped around and around the tank, and fastened with tamper resistant bolts.

This is creating problems of its own, when the toliet really does require immediate service to prevent an overflow. Plumbers report that they are having difficulties removing these homemade locking devices from the toliet tank.

One company wants your toliet to be a work of art, rather than an icky, stinky poo-poo receptacle.
'Painted Potties' is a set of decals that you're supposed to place in your toliet bowl.

They come in all kinds of different designs, and are supposed to last about six months inside the toliet bowl. They can also be used in bathtubs, sinks, mirrors, toliet brush holders, toothbrush holders, and other bathroom accessories; they are said to last indefinately on these.
Contact them at http://www.paintedpotties.com.

This company says that squatting is better than sitting, and they have apparently gathered the proof.

Behold...

This device stands over your toliet bowl like a sentinal in the night, just waiting for you to climb aboard and take a big fat dump. Apparently, shitting this way is supposed to be better for your GI tract and the abdominal muscles that make it work.
See the Nature's Platform for yourself. Buy one. Turn your old toliet into a planter and play horseshoes with the seat.

Another company wants you to put a trailer hitch on your vehicle and take your toliet wherever you go! The 'Uncle Booger' company is marketing a device called 'The Bumper Dumper', which is a toliet seat mounted on a special frame that attaches to your trailer hitch. It comes with a toliet seat, frame, and five disposable poop bags.

For an extra $5, you can get the Bumper Dumper Toliet Paper Holder. The Bumper Dumper's toliet seat is replaceable with any standard toliet seat, so you can put an oak seat or a padded seat on the thing if that's what you like.
Contact them at http://www.bumperdumper.com.

This is the Bizarro Award that they won from this site. Will they put it up or throw it away?
(Finally, as of June 11, they decided to KEEP this priceless treasure!)

Metal urinals installed in some high-vandalism locations are causing problems in some localities by causing unwanted interference and ghost images on nearby television sets, and are causing signal dropouts when users of cellular telephones get too close to them. Removing them and installing the more common porcelain urinals fixed this problem, but vandals begun destroying them again and costing the city thousands of dollars every year.

TOILETS ON THE WARPATH

Cartoon found in a local underground newspaper called "The Stranger". (Now THAT'S what I call having a BOWL of cereal!
Published weekly, The Stranger is filled with all kinds of wierd revelations and even wierder cartoons you probably won't find anywhere else. Available in the Seattle area for free (take only ONE copy or else they might cut off your hands and spank you with them), this paper is every strange person's cup of tea.

Advertisement for Vanish 'Hang-Ins' Toylet Bowl Cleaner with Bleach'

This is a CollectraMatic chicken fryer, used in Kentucky Fried Chicken restaraunts to make the Original Recipe. Is it just me, or does this thing really resemble a high-tech TOILET of some sort?

Why IS it that gas stations advertising 'CLEAN RESTROOMS' present you with THIS?
This shining example is complete with feces smeared all over the walls and on the toliet bowl, and has the offical MAD® cracked "Instant Agony"® Toliet Seat®.

When Good Bombers Go Bad!
This destroyed toliet bowl was part of a National Lampoon magazine campaign from the 70s. One can only wonder though, how many toliets they had to blow up before they got the "look" they wanted for this campaign ad.

Go here to see the wildest concoction of fictional band names on the web!

And witness Ten Lavatorial Deaths on Nigel's Homepage

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