The Tournament
Round 1
Anne Layden (offense) vs Sissy Crydom (defense)
1-23-2035
Sissy Crydom felt out with the Force but couldn't sense anything around the next corner. Still, she kept her light saber in her right hand, ready for anything, as she crept to the corner and peeked around.
"So! We meet again, Sissy." Darth Anne hissed. Her black cape swirled around her as she stepped forward. She was only six feet from the corner.
"Crap!" Sissy exclaimed, jumping back and igniting her light saber.
"That's no way for a Jedi Knightess to speak, is it?" Darth Anne growled as she turned her own deadly light saber on.
"I'll show you a Knighttess!" Sissy said, darting forward and attacking.
They traded saber blows, each connection sending jolts through their arms and the smell of burning ozone through the hallway.
"You have learned well, my very young Knightess." Darth Anne laughed as they attacked and parried.
"Thanks." Sissy said as she blocked two more vicious saber swipes. "I've been working out."
The Dark Lord peeked around their blades at Sissy's bottom. "Oh really? It doesn't really show."
Sissy backed up a step. "What do you mean? My thighs are as firm as Prince Luke's stomach!"
"Oh? Maybe it's just your tunic then."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Darth Anne shrugged. "Nothing." She attacked again, striking and blocking quickly.
"You know, I didn't really need any more motivation to kick your ass, but you've just given it to me!" Sissy ducked under the next swipe, ran to the side and slashed down, cutting open Darth Anne's left leg.
The Dark Lord didn't even scream, she merely counterattacked, driving the good Jedi Knight back with swing after swing. Sissy almost lost her footing, which unbalanced her enough that she turned and ran for the far corner.
"Come back here you sissy!" Darth Anne bellowed to no avail.
Sissy was around the corner and gone.
The Dark Lord sighed and started after her, breathing heavily.
There were two doors beyond the corner, one on the right and one on the left. Sissy looked from one to the other, then finally started for the one on the right. As she did something tickled her memory. When faced with two choices and nothing to indicate one choice over the other, right handed people picked the right choice twice as often as the left choice.
No sir!
Sissy changed direction and tried the door on the left. It was locked. She cursed and went to the door on the right. It wasn't locked, but before she could pass through, and maybe lock the door behind her, Darth Anne was around the corner.
"Trying to scurry away from me?" The Dark Lord cackled.
"I'm only retreating to improve my situation for counterattack." Sissy said in a saucy voice.
Darth Anne whisked her light saber in little circles in front of her. "Very cute. Now come back here and finish this."
Sissy shrugged and approached her deadly enemy. If she was honest with herself, she was scared witless. But the time had come to finish this. Darth Anne had to be destroyed to free the Republic, that was all there was to it. Sissy had to make her stand. "Bring it on, Barf Anne."
Darth Anne attacked, slashing down and sideways with furious intensity. Sissy blocked her, sidestepped, and circled her opponent, but so intense were the attacks that the good Jedi couldn't get a swing of her own in. "You've ... huff huff ... been ... huff huff ... working out too!"
Darth Anne chuckled nastily as she pressed her advantage with swing after swing. "Hate is my workout partner."
Sissy was wearing down, and she finally blocked too low. Darth Anne's saber sliced through the Jedi Knight's right arm as easily as a hot knife through blue butter. Sissy's right hand and the saber it had been clutching clattered to the floor.
"OW, you fucker!" Sissy cried out, backing away. Though she was shocked and hurting, she was already thinking of drawing the Dark Lord past the hand and light saber so she could use the Force to raise the weapon up and finish off her enemy.
Darth Anne chuckled as she advanced. "Don't you want to run, now, little girl?"
Sissy lifted her head, still dropping back away from her severed hand. "Never."
Darth Anne was past the hand now, and her entire attention seemed to be on the retreating Jedi. "There's something Jen Kenobi never told you, my young Sissy Skywalker."
"Yeah, she never told me how fat you are. You've really let yourself go since you wiped out the Jedi. Easy living will do that for you. Too many blue apple PIEs, I'll wager."
Darth Anne raised her saber hand. Her coup de grace couldn't be far now, especially since Sissy's back had reached the back wall of the corridor.
Behind the Dark Lord, Sissy's saber pulled itself from the grip of the severed hand and raised up. The evil lord didn't appear to notice.
"She never told you how your mother died, Skywalker." Darth Anne continued, ignoring the insult.
"She told me YOU murdered her!" Sissy shot back, bringing her light saber closer with the Force while she tried to conceal this from her face.
"No, young Skywalker, I am your mother!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sissy screamed, bringing her saber down into Darth Anne's back. In her surprised fury, however, her aim was off. It merely sliced through the Dark Lord's left buttock.
Darth Anne screamed in pain, but she wasn't to be distracted. She ran Sissy through with her light saber, then cackled with glee as...
A shudder passed through the world...
Anne opened her eyes. "Ouch! I can't believe you stabbed my butt!"
"You cut off my freaking hand!" Sissy countered groggily.
The two players sat up, groaning as their real memories came flooding back and their fantasy damage drifted away from their consciousness.
"Tell me something." Sissy demanded as the doors opened and their friends, family, and several dozen reporters flooded in.
"Sure." Anne said easily.
"What kind of drugs were you on when you dreamed up THAT scenario?"
They shared a laugh and then got down to the business of the post game interviews.
Home
Gabrielle Sallor (offense) vs Kurt Shilling (defense)
Damien Johnson (offense) vs Kyle Devore (defense)
Katya Floski (offense) vs Kim Jong (defense)
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