North of Union Station

Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. sat in the darkness of his apartment. All the lights were off except for the red light on the small tape recorder that he held in his left hand. The sound of his voice was the only noise to be heard.

"Hi. I guess if you two are listening to this, it means I'm dead. It sounds odd to say that out loud, I'll admit. Although, I think that I've probably dealt with my fears about death better than most people since I had to stare it straight in the face for so many years, something few people ever are forced to do.

"A few weeks ago, I decided that maybe I should do this. I'm not exactly big on writing so I figured that I should just say the things I wanted to.

"First off, Mom. There have been so many things I've wanted to tell you over the years, but somehow, they're all trapped inside of me. Sometimes I wish I were still a little boy who could hop into your lap and throw my arms around you. But sadly, I grew up.

"You've been the best mom a guy could ask for. I don't think I realized just how incredible you were until I met Annie Pendry after her husband's death. When I think about the differences between how *she* reacted to losing her husband and how *you* reacted, I'm eternally grateful. I realize now that despite the fact that your husband was not only shot down, but MIA also, you never once tried to suppress my desire to fly. Sure, I saw fear in your eyes sometimes, and, as I got older, I understood that that small smile you got was really your way of forcing yourself to let me make my own decisions. You let me spend my allowance on model airplanes. You were always willing to let me babble on at the breakfast table about how *I'd* be flying someday, and when I told you I was going to the Academy, you were never anything but supportive. Of all the mothers at the ceremony, you had lost the most and yet, I could tell you were proud of me. Maybe you never realized that I noticed how you forced down the tears when I said goodbye to you before I went on my first aircraft carrier, but I did.

"You always understood, and I hope that, if I ever have a child, I'll be able to let them live their own life just as you let me live mine. I love you, Mom.

"And Frank...I remember the first time Mom brought you home to meet me. I'd always made life hell for my mom's dates and you were no different. However, it soon became clear that you were there for keeps. I resented you, and we all knew it.

"But you never gave up. You never stopped trying to talk to me, while always respecting my privacy. You never got angry when I rebuffed you. And you never once tried to take the place of my father. I don't think I realized how much you did for me until recently. The more I learn about child abuse the more I realize how my life *could* have been.

"You certainly had a right to force me to concede to your wishes. You were, after all, my legal guardian after my mother decided that was best for me, but you never once used that to force me to do something. You always asked, and if I refused, you didn't press. Every once in a while, especially after you realized that you would never have children of your own, I'd catch you looking at other families, especially other boys with their fathers, with something that I later figured out was wistfulness.

"Of course, I, being the stubborn creature that I am, never gave you a chance. And I won't say that you could have ever have taken the place that my father held, but I wish now that I could have had you as a friend. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years and that was one of the worst.

"I respect you, Frank, and, now that I realize how much love means in a person's life, I'm thankful for you too. You loved my mom. You gave her the life she deserved to have, making it possible for her to do the thing she loves. She'd never have been able to own a gallery had she had to work to support the two of us. As much as I resented you, without your presence, I might never have stayed straight and ended up the way I am today. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, the way you lived your life showed me how to live mine.

"When I was headed for Russia to search for my father and I visited you and Mom, I suddenly realized how stupid I had been. However, I was far too caught up in my search for my father to think much about it. But you were as supportive as always, giving and not expecting anything in return.

"The other day, when I visited the wall, I found myself thinking about you. I guess, through the years, you slipped past my defenses, quietly and subtly. You've become my friend."

The tape recorder clicked to a stop and silence descended over the apartment.

*****

La Jolla, California

"Look Frank. We got a package from Harm!" Trish said as she walked out onto their deck where he was eating lunch.

She quickly ripped it open and looked at the contents in puzzlement. 'Mom and Frank: For After My Death' read the label on the tape.

"Well, let's listen to it," Frank softly suggested and she nodded, pushing the button on the small tape recorder.

As the message ended, there were tears in both of their eyes. Frank silently reached for her hand and squeezed it as they stared out at the waves. A small yellow note attached to the player fluttered in the slight sea breeze: