NOTE: DUE TO WEB SPACE LIMITS... THE WEB WORLD IS STILL SHIFTING SO SOME LINKS MIGHT NOT WORK... PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU FIND ANY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH... AND NOW, ON WITH THE UPDATING THING ALREADY J wanna share? J actually, the site move is being delayed because I don't have a stable space to set up the computer and update... not having a phone line doesn't help either... can we expect some grumbles ahead?... why not, I've been screwed, how are you? (smiling at this point would be a sure sigh of sanity in the asylum) J more deep breaths (more like gagging)... oooommmmmmmm (for all my griping about meditation not working, somehow I am maintaining stability amidst the chaos and physical floundering without rest so something must be working)... uummmmmmm (I suppose if I could explain it well I could probably sell it as the next new age philosophy or something)... la la la la (la)... maintaining the optimism and enthusiasm about life is quite a numbing challenge these days... and the changes keep on changing... how long can Roy Orbison sing sad songs, anyway?... and I still don't give up... can I call a do-over for this life?... last month was challenging, true, but at least it was just a month of wandering without a place to rest or gather myself... now it's just a month more or so, exponential stress as interest compounds daily if it makes any sense to you... so what else is new?... still more than ever, I hope for friends... at least one who cares enough to give the time to learn who I am and share enough to trust... just when I think I find one, a mind is changed... still somehow the child inside me and the hope survives and I wish you (and you know who you are) would finally once and for all come out to play (space cadets and fruit loops)... hey, you, come on to my cloud in other words, you're welcome in my world and I'd like to be welcome in yours I'd like to find someone who can share without limits or walls or doors but positively I say, positively I mean positively and if you are lonely I've known lonely too we can keep each other company as we figure out what to do if wishes came true there's be no pain no hurts, no betrayals to be continued... I'm still wandering... the right living situation did not pop up yet so I'm holding out at a friends place until I get a few checks and have enough money to widen my options (to the point of taking a place of my own if the right roommate does not come along)... the drag is it's close to $10 a day in tolls and gas (not to mention wear and tear and time on the road) cuz the job is on the opposite end of town from the place I'm staying... the good news is I have the job, sort of... just as soon as I straighten out the paperwork (finally dealing with rebuilding the paper trail shredded a few years back)... if you want to hear the sordid details (or at least the few I've scribbled down), feel free to depress yourself or get a good laugh journals as the soup cooks (eventually, it'll be done... and I am doing my best to keep in touch as I bounce from borrowed phone line to borrowed phone line, but very inconsistent sleep and lack of writing space makes it more challenging than ever to keep in touch so I hope you understand and will be around when I finally make it through this latest challenge I've created for myself (with a lot of help from... yeah, you know)... I repeat... I really would rather present a more entertaining life for you to read about, but the negativity of this human life is still trying to consume me... I wonder if that is the experience you've had... or perhaps it's just what I've done to myself... or something like that... anyway, the stubborn child continues to do the dance of positive incorribility even as I leave myself no time to breath deep enough or care for myself enough to wake up and feel healthy... maybe next month... more likely, later... for me it's trust or bust my faith is not in question eat me if you must you will get indigestion did I mention that I do have at least one job?... the delay caused by last month's betrayal has me hanging on in limbo longer than I intended, but things are theoretically looking up... by next month at this time I should have enough money to start starting again on my own... I should probably take a break from trying to find a friend I can trust and maybe just forget about depending on people for a while, huh?... it'll be a few months before I can actually catch up on the bills that have piled up in the last few months... am I grumbling? J what can be expected when my therapy (writing) is more inconsistent than ever?... |
here's the resume, as if... without a phone or fax and basically living out of my car, the job search is over... I've settled on a basic entry level position and I'll work as much overtime as possible (shades of 1999... trust someone to help and get screwed and deal with it... I know this dance)... so the workaholic is called upon again... and how are you?... any true friends out there?... really... anybody care?... if ou understand what I mean even a little, maybe we can be compatible roommates?... you know, honesty, sincerity, trustworthy?... I hope to find the right place to live in April even if I don't find someone to share it... I'd rather find a cool roommate so we can have more amentities at a better price, but I'll take what I can afford at the moment and work my way back into an independent place without live-in friends or any real intimates if that's how it must be... alas, isn't anybody ready to giggle with me? J how about music?... anybody want to share some?... makes some?... care some?... I have no time for the email groups or mail, but I still hope to find friends locally through them... so here I am still, just taking my time looking, hoping, writing a rhyme wanting a friend who's ready to play looking for a comfortable place to stay the light at the end of the tunnel is nearer can someone see me through the fog? the outside world is becoming clearer trying to get realer and I see some sun and I see some rain and maybe it's time to stop riding that train... and as Linda Rondstadt sang, I still miss someone I'm just to numb to figure out who or why 
please take good care of yourself... and please, keep in touch... honest love, ric PS... nothing new in the PS, so don't even bother if you've been here often... still, when you wake up you will find that you're not where you left yourself... if you want more details about me (you really care that much?... I ask cuz precious and few are the ones who really care), then all I ask is that you understand me (just me asking the impossible, huh?)... you are welcome and encouraged to explore this web world and come to my window and dance by the light of the silvery moon and see what I want and offer friends and check out A Brief Introduction to Anonanonanon (Me) and more bios to get more personal and then for more (if you have time and interest in my babbling and details), read through previous KITs and worklife and lifetimes and then (if you are still awake and really want more babbling) there is the almost daily journal and you can listen to my heartbeats and oh what the heck, by then you must be either crazy (or closer to the edge) or family, so just explore all the new growth in the rest of the written gardens and add yourself to my personal address book and meet others in the other email groups... and then, just ask what else you want to know... and I'll do my best to fill in the details you ask for J NEXT STEP ON THIS PATH SIGN GUESTBOOK VIEW GUESTBOOK SIGN SLAMBOOK! VIEW SLAMBOOK!  EMAIL
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