A Journal of Sorts
. o O ( of course I should be sleeping ) O o .
people come and go so fast around here everywhere I go I seek inspiration... I am beyond insatiable... and yet, today, I am mostly dead... luckily, I am not merely quite completely dead... but who would know the difference... or the references, for that matter... after all these years, I am still wandering through this grand illusion called life from party to party hearing Avril Lavigne singing I'm With You as if she was around singing it when I was her age, you may know what I mean, as John sings whatever gets you through the night and Stephen sings love the one you're with, and yet, I am still alone... that's probably because I understand and agree with the philosophy of making the best of things, of sharing openly and freely, and not wasting a moment of life... but... I am more interested in finding deeper meaning and lasting connections in my sharing... sigh... sometimes I think I am the only person alive who lives and dies by words spoken, by promises made... is it so strange to follow through on what is said?... I understand the concept and need for compromise in any sharing, but I am left wondering whether compromise is used as a cop-out more than a way to bond... it seems to me that most people will more easily and readily compromise their ideals and integrity than compromise their pride or apparent need for conformity... so again I am hearing Vanessa Carlton sing A Thousand Miles as my teenage heart does not give up on true love dreams and if it takes forever, I will wait... and I am still looking all over for the sunshine of my life because there ain't no sunshine - since my baby left me... my heart feels like it's been in a perpetual spin cycle ever since the first time love came and went... more accurately, love never went anywhere, it just keeps pouring out of my heart in every direction... what went was the person sharing the love one on one, intimately, monogamously... that was (and is) a void I wish I never experienced... and one I wish I could stay out of... as Pink sings Family Portrait and asking the human race why you have to go and make things so complicated?, yes, back to Avril... she and Pink are two of my favorite current artists... give me talent and vocal diversity over cutesy sameness any day... still, Tori Amos still has a voice that melts me... and Jen Chapin still touches the dreamer, just like her dad did... you could have been the one if you dared to show you cared unconditionally if you set your heart free don't you know you don't have anything till you let it go you could have been the one anyone can just understand the way love's meant to be it's meant to be set free you must know you don't know anything till you let it grow you could have been the one if you gave all the love you save uninhibitedly you've got to set yourself free then you'll know you don't see anything till you let it show you could have been the one if you dared if you really shared completely openly living life fearlessly don't you know you don't get everything till you let it flow you don't love anything till you let it go for love is letting go and for all the crying and dying and lamenting I've done, I could let it go anytime... the day I left Canada, the day I left New York, today... I can heal along the way... for the fact is (here's the ultimate answer to life, peace, and everything), as painful as the loss of the one who shares love can be and as traumatic as the betrayal of trust can be, it is only by diving with complete abandon back into unconditional love and trust again that the healing is truly completely done... and that takes two... |
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