A Journal of Sorts
. o O ( of course I should be sleeping ) O o .
ambitious ambivalence I come here first... dare I believe in... dare I believe... dare I even write the words, think the thoughts... there are a few cities I have, without tangible cause, felt attracted to... Toronto was one and after living there a few years, I loved the place... Seattle is another, but I've never lived there... and now... it has been a few years since I seriously shared anything personally one on one with another human being... I have been a friend, parent, counselor, always the giver, but the opportunity to share has not arisen... probably mostly because I have been healing... afraid to trust intimately... weary... wondering if I will allow the chance for falling in love again... or even just loving... dare I believe I can trust someone... dare I believe I can find a true friend... somewhere deep in my memory something softly calls out to me is it the voice of a friend or is it the end of the end somewhere deep within where dreams are born something nags feeling alone and torn is it the voice of the past is it that time moves too fast is it time to give up on this life on the dreams on the love I had hoped to share should I drink the last cup of this life of the dreams and leave behind my last hope to care or should I dare to believe I can receive true love can happen again should I care one more time trusting the rhyme to bring me a true friend somewhere deep I can never pretend where dreams are born love never ends somewhere deep in my memory something awakens still haunting me is it the voice of reason is it a change of season somewhere deep within where doubt still hide something pulls stronger than fear or pride is it daring me to go on or telling me hope is gone is it time to give up time to lay down and die to accept the end gracefully should I drink the last cup smile faintly as my eye drops the last tear I'll ever see or should I dare to believe I can receive true love can find me again should I care one more time trusting the rhyme to bring me a true friend somewhere deep I can never pretend where dreams are born love never ends J |
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