A Journal of Sorts
"the passion that we feel like lovers wild and free are footsteps on the sand holding back the mighty sea there's a voice that calls us onwards down the lonely street and when we tread the path no longer the circle is complete a million souls scream in anguish and others rest in sleep" ~ Justin Hayward ~ ok, I browsed the web today and found a few dozen oddend links for these pages before Explorer crashed... not enough memory and/or built-in MS-Flaws, whatever... a few hours is the best I can get out of the web before crashing and having to reboot the computer... and I'm about to cross into this year on the chronological page-time line... in real time, I'm three months behind (that's farther (or its that further) behind than I've been since starting the web journals... how determined I am to actually continue will be demonstrated by how far behind I remain and how long it takes for me to upload updates... maybe I'll upload December... or is that April Fool's?... anyway, life continues as mostly work and vegetation with the toob in the background and occasionally playing the video game and squeezing some time online between the times my roommate is online... he's on a lot because he's going to school for web design (or at least taking a course at the moment) and cuz he's designing web sites for school and for his slowly growing (seems mostly in the planning stages, but it's officially incorporated and registered and legal and all) and mostly dormant business (local college paraphenalia... go UCF!)... I'll remedy my lack of web access dilemma when I get the new computer and I'll get the new computer when I decide it's time to spend the money... who cares (besides me and the few people still writing)... speaking of you (few people still writing)... I'll probably put the last few emails I wrote out here on the web somewhere so you, anyone interested, can get some up to date info about life as I know it by searching around a bit... it might be in letters to friends or here in the journals or maybe in intros or in letters to strangers or who knows where... subtly, pages have been popping into various parts of this webworld without much fanfare... one of these days I'll upodate the what's new page, even... encouragement might or might not help (but would be treasured beyond appreciation)... low ebbing today... and then, puzzled, I cock my heads to one side and ask... is there anybody in this world who does not try to control the people around them?... and someone who does not seem to want to argue every single point as if every conversation was a contest to be won or lost?... and not someone ready to just follow blindly either (I've known enough pure submissives in my time... I don't want a pet or a new toy... unless someone wants to creat and share the interactive experience)... so far I've only met a few who were not young children (and there sharing is usually with imbalance)... so lonely am I... accepting so many limits am I becoming the tree or am I lost in the forest answers come to me from where I can not tell for secrets buried deep are bits of dreams that come when all the world's asleep did your mind talk to mine last night? did we go back in time? something happened in the sixties it was a good rhyme but who remembers now? who was even there? accepting so many limits how can we be aware? maybe the answer comes from eight miles high but what did you understand of it? and if you give up the understanding or never find it is it enough just to love it? how can you love what you do not know a question, maybe, for your dog or perhaps your god will tell you don't ask me I am a bump on a log accepting so many limits am I becoming the leaf or am I lost in the forest of ignorance and grief from here I can not tell the promises buried deep bits of dreams that come when all the world's asleep did your mind talk to mine last night? what happened to the music? once upon a time we had it how did we lose it? but who remembers now? who was even there? accepting so many limits how can we be aware? maybe the answer comes from strawberry fields but what did you understand of it? and if you give up the understanding or never find it is it enough just to love it? how can you love what you do not know a question, maybe, for your dog or perhaps your god will tell you don't ask me I am a bump on a log accepting so many limits am I becoming the air or am I lost in the forest of misery and despair from here I can not tell the hopes are buried deep flashes of dreams that come when all the world's asleep did your mind talk to mine last night? what happened to... memories something good was happening beyond the birds and bees but who can feel it now? who even cares? accepting so many limits nobody shares maybe the answer comes from mystic fantasy but what did you understand of it? and if you give up the understanding or never find it is it enough just to love it? how can you love what you do not know a question, maybe, for your dog or perhaps your god will tell you don't ask me I am a bump on a log just another cog in the wheel that rolls through time sometimes called humanity sometimes called a crime just another bog stuck in the muck and the mire sometimes comes to kill me sometimes to inspire accepting so many limits what am I becoming? lost in the forest I am numbing I can not tell faith buried deep and dreams that come when all the world's asleep did your mind talk to mine last night? |
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