A Journal of Sorts
this buddist walks up to this hot dog vender and says make me one with everything are all native Floridians homebodies?... maybe it's the odd way I've been viewing the world the last few years, but I get this sense that the majority of people native to this area would rather watch TV than hold a conversation (no less a serious discussion that isn't a debate... debates are way too easy to find anywhere)... I'd welcome anyone who'd like to offer a different perspective (without argument, I am not looking for yet another person who believes winning is everything in everything, no matter how mundane or trivial the point)... is there anywhere in this world where the majority of people (heck, I'd like to meet just one today) actually actualize sharing openly and honestly with mutual nurturing as the primary point of the sharing?... mutual nurturing... this is what life is about for me... it defines my humanity... am I alone in this? (I feel alone at the moment and looking at the history I can remember in this life, I feel alone)... is love just a temporary thing for you?... or is it just that I've met only people who do not actualize their promises or verbal commitments... easy to say, hard to do?... what's the point then?... just talk meaningless words?... just pass through and give nothing you say or do any real lasting meaning?... alas, so far, that is it... existentialism is as existentialism does, huh Forrest?... or is that Forest?... or Forrester?... wait, where were we?... existenz... it's not a game, it's a way of life... ok, but really, what's he point of nothingness if nobody's there to enjoy it (share it,thats the point... what's the point?... the point is what's the point of anything if nobody's there to share it?)... share it, dammit! ok, time for a sheepish grin J you know, I have a dear friend I never met in Kiwiland and we hardly ever talk anymore and I miss her words and whenever I write dammit! (must have the exclamation point, speaking of points, of course) my favorite Kiwi comes to mind (and even in abstentia she can melt my heart) so I wave hi (I know you're out there somewhere) and promise myself to send an email... . o O ( the sounds of typing emails ) O o . and so I did... see?... I keep my promises... so many people are out there being loved by me in my heart and they probably don't even think of me... they don't have written records of their experiences so their memories fade... not everybody... but too many... it's so sad... I need to find more word lovers... dear readers... constant readers, as Stephen King calls us... it's mandatory for my continued satisfaction in this life... to share, or to die... I'll be back to continue... time passes without notice sometimes... I'm feeling shades of blues (the lonely kind as I've got nothing in particular to be sad about)... so it's about time I nudged myself seriously to catch up on these journals (how many times will I pretend that'll work before I face fats and accept mysef as I am?... how many road can a man walk down... ya know?)... but focus... the body needs more... somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, anybody find me... yeah, so I'm leaving dangling participlets (and words too)... highly uncharacteristic of me, but then, change is good... better... definitely, change is necessary... change is in demand (pleading, even) and there's just not enough of it going around these days... 'round here, at least... so change me J |
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