A Journal of Sorts
0 2 0 2 0 2 two minutes after midnight... 12:02AM, 2/2/02... 02:02 on 02/02/2002... something significant, perhaps... we may never know unless we create it ourselves... too bad we missed it... but then, we can always revisit when we find each other again... this life is such an amazing game (shhhh, come)... reach deeper into your mind come back to me with what you find reach deeper into your soul come back to me when you found your goal when you know your role wander along any path that muses you gaze at your reflection in the ponds understand the changes that you're going through reach into the great unknown beyond and don't be surprised if nothing responds but dont be afraid if something responds reach deeper into your self come back to me when you come down from your shelf reach deeper into your heart come back to me when you know your part when you know where and how and why to start wander along any way that muses you gaze at your alterations where you've gone understand the changes that you're creating around you reach into the great unknown beyond and don't be surprised if nothing responds but dont be afraid if something responds and now, 2 minutes past 2, 2/2/02, 2:02AM, and to my knownledge, nothing spectacular occurred... I must be missing something, but then I've been out of touch for a long time... it must be exciting somewhere... what would that be in Roman numerals, anyway? (irreverent as ever, the relativity of Arabic numbers still holds some weird fascination for me... but then, I've been known to star at flowers for hours and in my mind (or on my music players), the same song can play for days)... focus is relative too, ya know... and how are you? 2:22AM, still nothing... but then, I wasn't expecting anything... maybe my lack of expectations influences life as much as anything... the numeric passage of time is almost as obscure as the passage f time itself... are we passing through an entity we call time.. or is time moving all around us?... of such knowledge, with certainty, I have no expectations either... what do you expect? (pardon my giggles)... at least I'm not disappointed... are you?... will you stare into my eyes until you fall asleep? would you mind if I was staring into yours when you wake? would so much acute attention just give you the creeps? or would you find the pleasure such focus can make? no expecations just observations human relations are fleeting at best meant not as judgment but as reflection a record of this experience in case there is a test I am only mocking myself for I don't know you so please don't be offended by what I believe is true the fantasies within me are far from human kind and I wonder if anybody will ever come into my mind leaving everything else behind no expectations just revelations human relations are very unkind meant not as judgment but as reflection a record of this experience in case there is a test I am only marking myself for I don't know you so please don't feel empowered by what I believe is true someday I may finish . o O ( passing time ) O o . 8:02PM, 20:02... still nothing but the breathing of the muses (good to know they are still alive)... some growth here and there in the gardens (explore if you care) and some wandering through life... without sharing intimacy, nothing matters as much, but still it can be interesting fun... even amongst humans J 8:22PM, 20:22... life goes on kinda like a puzzle with many pieces missing, pieces the human consciousness has yet to begin to imagine, no less grasp and efine in human terms... and then words, the folly of communication... we can become so much more when we don't depend on them for the bottom line understandings... kapish?... are you listening? do you hear? what do you understand? love of fear? when you get here I may be gone but I leave you trust that you will carry on when you wake up when you're aware when you simplify your mind when you care when you undrstand when you share when you wake up I'll be there meanwhile, anybody wanna share some of the journey?... it gets awfully lonely out here in neverland (or is it wonderland... or maybe faeryland... zanadu?... zanadont?... eldorado?.. shangra-la?... oz?... heaven?... elsewhere?... alas, the folly of words again... there is no word for it, just being here) all by myself... come on, you can do it... the first step is all you need... 10:02PM, 22:02... amazing, huh?... a lot of twos in this month this year... well, then again, the same number of twos as any February, except leap years, it's just more noticeable if you're into playing with numbers... or into numerology, for that matter... and maybe the secret to understand what is missing is knowing that it has nothing to do with matter at all... narf... 10:22PM, 22:22... the day passed as another exceptional (or ordinary) day in this life... unique unto itself, yet no more or less unique than any other (well, then again, a lot less unique than many... an average unique day)... alas, without intimacy, I am subdued and unaware... I know, laugh at the fool working so hard to become human (I hear you in my mind, though I don't choose to create the viseral proof I once did... party without me for now, as I indulge the curiosity that has propelled me this far along in this life {especially since the teen years, as you oughta know best} ... I shall return to the playground eventually... maybe later... after all, it's only time) J |
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