A Journal of Sorts
"hey there mister can you tell me what happened to the seeds I've sown can you give me a reason, sir, as to why they've never grown they've just blown around from town to town back out on these fields where they fall from my hand back into the dirt of this hard land" ~ Bruce Springsteen ~ somehow, I worked the full 16+ hours... drugs can sure fool the mind... I've got pain pills and more pain pills... I'm taking the Ibuprophen because I don't like fooling my mind too much... more pain, but more clarity and still manageable most of the time... and for sleep, there's Hydrocodone... ( O o . feeling inside out . o O ) some of the journal writings of past month will be added at some future date for the best I could do in the midst of the swirling life I put myself through was scribble on scraps of paper at times... time (and you, if you will) will tell whether the pressures I put myself through cooked up something worth the efforts (and at times struggles through excrutiating pain, right now)... I do so much want to be appreciated, but not for the sake of fulfilling my desire to be appreciated... I want to create something in thise life actually worthy of deep and lasting appreciation... I'll do without it until I do... am I making any sense writing through the pain the body claws through me distracting the brain if I could leave it now I'd choose another plane but stuck within the physical what can I say... wish somebody would hold me, but wishes are not coming true for me lately... all I've got is what I'm doing for myself... and staying on the ground floor (because I still think what I am looking for may be underground, if that makes any sense to any one of you)... and silly me, I hear the slightly muffled laughter at the concept of the underground being over some heads (even through the kidney torture, giggles emerge)... ( O o . force fluids, rest . o O ) of course rest would be much easier in a bed, but such is life these days... no worries, I did drive over to Mina's to lay down and I hung on... holding on waiting for healing learning more learning things I already know seeing how laziness and apathy have taken a toll on this body will I turn it around or give up and die only time will tell I will not lie but life is still just hello goodbye |
JOURNAL INDEX |
TURN THE PAGE |
THE SAME-TIME MENU BAR - FOR EACH GARDEN AROUND THIS SAME TIME NEW KIT WORKLIFE LIFETIME JOURNAL HEARTBEAT WANTS |
