A Journal of Sorts
"let us have peace, let us have life, let us escape the cruel night let us have time, let the sun shine, let us beware the deadly sign the day is coming, armageddon's near inferno's coming, can we survive the blitzkrieg... save us from fate, save us from hate, save ourselves before it's too late come to our need, hear our plea, save ourselves before the earth bleeds the day is dawning, the time is near aliens calling, can we survive the blitzkrieg" ~ Blitzkrieg ~ life goes on... and maybe I should not tamper with the flow of these ramblings as days pass... or maybe I should, as I am doing this month, return to each day and ramble on for whatever it's worth... for posterity, the ramblings might appear to be in some chronological order... but we know the secret about time... that the dates don't always line up cuz I'm offline and away from the computer for three days and sometimes a week at a time these past few months (shhh, we wouldn't want to let the world to know) J while I've been sleeping I've been writing on and on promises are keeping maybe I have not been gone while I've been sleeping if tears fell from my eyes I did not feel them for dreams are full of lies when I wake up I will be faced with the reality that I created for me by living in fantasy when I wake up I will see most of what is left of me and if I have the courage to face myself I can come down from my shelf and wake up to start again that was the plan sleep to heal, but what is lost makes me who I am while I've been sleeping journals have been keeping me awake at night so compelled to write while I've been sleeping the world has been reaping all my energy what is left of me when I wake up will I notice what is gone will there be a new reason to go on when I wake up I will be faced with the reality that I created for me by living in fantasy when I wake up I will see most of what is left of me and if I have the courage to face myself I can come down from my shelf and wake up to start again that was the plan sleep to heal, and what is left makes me who I am rhymes flow in the journals these days because there is no time to enter the creative mode and play in imaginary gardens (heck, as you can see if you've looked around, I barely have time to keep up with the journals as exemplified by this month long catch up marathon session in which I still haven't gotten to catching up on lifetimes for most of this whole year)... journal rhymes are part imaginary too, but usually (and there's the slip, eh?) more based on whatever the journal is rambling on about... of course sometimes journal entries ramble on philosophically and and creatively into pure fantasy and reach into all sorts of ridiculous (or deep secret-revealing) tangents and rhymes might flow from there so before you figure that you've figured out who the real me is, you need to remember that to begin that journey you must actually come over and look deep into my eyes for a while J only makes sense after all J and would you like to buy a bridge in NYC? J ok, so on the serious side, I am somehow maintaining good spirits even in the prolonged face of back-against-the-wall challenges on every level... like I haven't done this before?... so if it's not to prove to myself I can do it, why?... because I want to find the one when I am at the bottom so I can be more sure that the one is the one because I've been fooled by false the ones when I had much more to offer?... users are everywhee, after all... yeah, waiting to prey on unconditionally loving and trusting childinsides, I know... nobody's gonna protect me but me... blah blah blah and same old song... I'm not much (if at all) interested in protection or any of that stuff (am I giving up on finding mommy?... narf)... just the one... send the one now, ok? J |
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