A Journal of Sorts
half our lives are spent trying to find something to do with the time we rushed through life trying to save or something like that... the time in the real world reality illusion can really be a downer for the fantasy muses... and having no private time for myself doesn't help at all... I mean, sheesh, even the internal images the Zeta-Jones pouty lips from Entrapment only bubble over a little with drool tonight... but never fear, I'm still slipping into the occasional paper fantasy when nobody's looking... I just don't have anywhere I can bubble over and let go and live (and laugh and giggle and bounce around) by my schedule... I suppose I still will have to compromise a lot if I share space with a roommate, but that's where the past ten years have left me... just need to find the right person... who's that?... someone like me so insatiable that you've determined to find the time to read everything and demand (nicely, of course) more... or someome who can share separate spaces within a single space with respect and courtesy... either way, someone striving for a positive life, close to content within themselves, and honest enough to be real in the living space... maybe I'll buy another house down the road... but having the house was lonely without a network of friends in the area so moving into an apartment community and finding friends should be the priority for now... makes sense, so now all I need to do is find time (and the roommate and place)... . o O ( so much more to share when we choose to care ) O o . minimally, all I want is a small private sleeping space where I can put a comfortable bed and a chair and desk and some shelves and hang up some clothes... a private bathroom would be very close to my minimal wants unless we feel very comfortable with each other in physical space (at least naked passings in the night and tolerance for hairs and stuff)... and beyond the minimal I want good water pressure, a full sized hot water heater, space for stoage and cooking in the kitchen, and a open, spacious, space with access to the outdoors (balcony or more than a front door on the ground floor)... and still I keep hoping somebody out there will read my rambles and care about me and want to know more, or at least might connect me with somebody actually crazy like me for infinite one on one sharing of every moment without expectations, prejudice, or inhibitions (and of course that's besides the ego-fame everybody-loves-me-baby fantasy I usually laugh at, but acknowledge as being in here somewhere)... but back on Earth I hope to find at least a compatible roommate and or the right place... there are people out there on the internet, right?... I haven't driven them all away, have I? J so long since I've been real dammit I want to share something real tonight but I need to find someone else who can feel cuz sharing takes two, you know that's right so long since I knew being one of two so long since I knew a friend like you I can still dream... even in a crowd... even through distractions... even working all the time and mostly asleep... cuz the dreaming takes place all in my head... the writing brings it into the conscious reality so it is more ready to be shared (sharing, anyone?)... and while the current lack of writing space and time make it very challenging to dig deep and find the words to express the stuff that's down deep inside (for whatever it might be worth), I sneak myself into the mode sometimes even in a crowded and distracting room (just another microcosm of humanity, ya know)... sometimes... sorta... maybe... if I keep believing I've got to keep reaching out believing someone will come along who knows what I'm about if I keep believing in true love and being friends then I've got to keep on reaching out with hope that never ends so here I am up on this stage reading from yet another page hoping to find the words to say maybe today is the day you've got to find me I've got to find you that is what we are here to do I know you're out there and I am right here just as one and one make two you were meant for me and I was meant for you if I keep believing dreams can come true if I keep believing you'll find me the moment I find you remember 1969?... remember anything?... study history and keep believing or just give up, your choice... I keep making my choice every day J |
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