A Journal of Sorts
"come on over do the twist (aha) overdo it have a fit (aha) come on over shoot the shit (aha) love you so much makes me sick (aha) ~ Nirvana ~ had a haddock last night... that's a headache brought on by a clogged digestive tract and fatigue and stress, in that order of causal influence... the years are piling up and catching up with me and ironically, in these last few years I've neglected this body more than at any time previously in this life... last year the excuse was not having enough privacy and a place to call home for a while... then it was a general negative living situation... the year before it was frigid weather and working 90-100+ hours a week in addition to communal bathing and bathroom living... the year before it living on the road and being lost in a numb limbo... the year before that it was plain old depression over the loss of everything I treasured in life on top of not having a home... and the years before that it was allowing myself to be undermined by those around me... like I said, the years are piling up... this year the excuse is once again a combination of long work hours leaving no consistent rest time, communal bathing, and no space to call my own... of course the years of lingering agony without ecstasy or any medical treatment at all combined with a piss poor diet and lack of exercise could very well bring on an aneurism or stroke, even... I really ought to get my clothes and stuff back and find a place to call home already, huh?... the cruel irony of language would lead to many undermining anagrams, but what I'm wondering most at this moment is... do people at Hypocondriacs Anonymous meetings dare to openly identify their group as HA?... take me seriously, please J I do meander and rationalize and excuse the BS too well (and mock myself into facing the truth too well too I guess)... ok, so the serious question for me today is how much longer will I be excusing the unhealthy lifestyle?... ooops, time to go to work... |
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