A Journal of Sorts
"I hear your winter I hear you rain I've failed your summer ways and I feel no pain I hear what you are and I feel no pain I hear what you are and I feel no pain" ~ Smashing Pumpkins ~ no pain, but dangit if the itching isn't maddening... luckily I don't have much time to focus on anything like sensitivity... much... anyway, it appears that one of the mail servers is down... the FTP server as well... it's been 6 hours now... doesn't it figure I'd be trying to upload a bit today?... so anyway again, I've queezed in some vegetating this week... isn't that special?... oh-oh, frustration is leading to sarcasm and maybe even cynicism... what am I frustrated about, I might ask (since nobody else is here and interested)... loneliness, for one thing (is loneliness a thing?)... I want a friend... I want a lover... I want a romance... I want a mother... I want a sister... I want a brother... I want some caring from another... and we can't always get what we want, dontcha know cha know cha know (saved by the music again)... I get mail from too many strangers and not enough from friends loneliness is getting boring especially when the day ends but that's not all I've frustrated about... living out of a knapsack in the car and on friends couches is getting old... for one thing, not being able to shower when I want to is not healthy for me (or other living things)... especially since I've been meeting way too many hungry bugs since the first of the year... fire ants are not my friends... this body has this maddening reaction to their venom... and other bugs too I think... I've got to be careful not to get infections when the puss filled bubble bursts (I suppose I could have used a more clinical phrasing there, but consider the frustration and cynicism I mentioned earlier and well, there ya go)... luckily the worst of it happens below my knees (though sleeping in the car leaves the rest of my body vulnerable so I must be careful where I park)... I don't think fleas are my friends either and the cat at Rasputin's brought some fleas into the place and there's already a healthy flock (what do you call a group of ants, anyway?) of fire ants (not to mention roaches) around the place so staying on the couch there is like wearing a dinner bell... I'm too darn sweet... no place to call my own no where to relax no time alone to be continued... someday (when the sharing begins) |
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