A Journal of Sorts
music is absent I'm in a void creativity is somewhere else walls closing in electronic cages reflect an image but I don't see myself been living without journalling cuz I don't have a place I can call my own... the set back grew into at least two months when I lost job contacts and opportunities and cuz I'm spending a lot more money bouncing around than I would have living somewhere... but I should be set to move into a place in early April if I can find a compatible roommate around then... and an extra week or few was tacked on when the paperwork needed from up north for this latest job slowed the process... dealing with the paperwork leads to dealing with the past... alas, I've put it off for a long time hoping the betrayals might be turned around... instead, I seem to have left myself open for more of the same kind of betrayals... sigh... alas... and all that jazz... trust is the sharpest dual edged sword of all... in any case, I'm hanging in and living very light spending most of my time over at Rasputin's when I'm not working... the drive costs $10 a day, so when I'm working I sleep in the car since I only have 7 hours between shifts anyway... finding a place near work will be a serious change for me J not exercising not eating right not getting enough sleep day or night not taking care of this body too well no wonder I feel like hell I don't get in hot showers I don't sleep in a bed it's a wonder I can do anything with my head body sensitivity is low how can my garden grow body energy doesn't flow how can my spirit glow the politics of payment put me here trust is the way to disappear some things will kill you, some will help you grow love is the way to know I am out of synch with the vibrations of life I want to live but I've forgotten how borrowed time from sleep to overcome the strife but it just made me pay more now body sensitivity is low how can my garden grow body energy doesn't flow how can my spirit glow the politics of people put me here trust is the way to disappear some things will make you, some will break your show love is the way to know it's been so long since I got real that even getting real is a creative amalgamation of intellectual explorations fused with emotional sensations and dreams and hopes and fears and wishes and scars that, even as I reject restrictions on art, filter though levels of cultural appropriateness I accept for the moment... so the rest, whether fantasy or reality or both, might come out elsewhere... maybe altered in transit... or not at all... so are the ways of politics, the social contracts we make or at least accept in order to maintain some semblance of peace, even at diminished capacity or the risk of loss of something essential to this experience we call life... no need to write as if this will be understood anytime soon |
JOURNAL INDEX |
TURN THE PAGE |
THE SAME-TIME MENU BAR - FOR EACH GARDEN AROUND THIS SAME TIME NEW KIT WORKLIFE LIFETIME JOURNAL HEARTBEAT WANTS |
