A Journal of Sorts
darned if I remember this late in the game what exactly happened or how... or when that's why I come here when I can maybe someday we will understand and one day I have a new place to stay and one day I don't... so I'll be offline a lot more than planned unless I find another place to stay or at least phone to use closer to work... if I can hold out in the car and borrowing showers, phones, and space for a month or few then I'll have enough saved to pay most of my bills and choose just about any place I'd like to live... it will be a long few weeks and an even much longer few months if I push myself in this mode that long... we shall see... what with Ellen's space not working out, I'm on the road again (she went to Texas to visit her kid and might move there in a couple of months, so I'm not sure what she was looking for when she contacted me but she's not ready to take a lease on a place in Orlando)... I'm putting the roommate apartment search on hold for a few weeks so I can save enough money to give myself more options (and also pay off some bills)... the big challenge is not having a clean place to crash near work... the car is cramped and down here in Florida, unlike Buffalo, the bugs bite (and singing my favorite things don't prevent allergic reactions and the lot, ya know?)... all this still comes as a result of leaving my house and life behind for love some six years ago... until then, I always had a healthy, clean, and comfortable (what many would consider luxurious) space of my own... the puzzle now may be what more I have to learn from this challenging and uncomfortable lifestyle... after all, I chose it by choosing the wrong people to trust and letting my savings stretch too thin... ultimately, my existential natureresists material success so much I give it al away and use it all up every time I get some... just don't want the trappings and superficial stuff to matter more than the heart and soul and anima and spirit and person and... anybody else like me out there? (I mean who'd admit it and not let the cultural stereotyping turn your smile into a frown about it) J still, deeper, the waters (and memories) swirl... |
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