A Journal of Sorts
"once I saw a dream, I had to chase it dreams quickly turn to reality who's at fault in this game of yours and mine well I guess I'll never know" ~ Offspring ~ there is no reason to continue, really... it is just vanity sometimes, some desire for immortality, some recognition of me that might carry on, that keeps me uploading pages... the rambling is often personal self-therapy as much as pure creative release... the bottom line is that free association makes the two disparate sources indistinguishable at times... but the uploading is undeniably the apparently inextinguishable desire to share... the dream (impossible?), the hope (unrealistic?), and ultimately, the stubbornness (me)... and when I do not succumb to self-pity and foolish ego pitfalls learned by spending too much time in the insecurity games that try to convince us of the importance of status and position and other superficialities of the physical world, all is well and I can (and often do) enjoy the diversity and freedom of the paths I choose... even when I think I don't choose them... how foolish to turn myself off... to consciously forget each step is my choice... to ignore the sensory input and potential gain, if only knowledge and experience, from each moment... to pretend I don't know what I've known all along... the choices I made that lead me here... were they all just to be able to write another song?... perhaps... the method to my madness may have been lost in the obscurity and/or volume of expression... unless you choose to find it, and then either you are lost too... or... these wandering days in the angels hands in the strangers fires in uncertain lands without roots to grow as adrift at sea without an anchor to hold nothing but faith in me these wandering times where the spirits fly in precarious trusts unexplainable why reason fails alone passion aches to touch understanding now is a need so much these wandering ways in the ancient's walk loneliness surrounds with imprecise talk a longing for comfort brings hope to fade as nobody finds the key to these wandering ways these wandering rhymes in the shadow of ghosts we are all guests there are no hosts in a moment we're here in a moment we're gone there's no getting off until you turn on in these wandering days in these wandering times living wandering ways living wandering rhymes in one breath we're here in one breath we're gone there's no getting in until you turn on there's no comfort there's no connection there's no way home there's no protection one breath we're here one breath we're gone there's no rest until you turn on these wandering rides lost on the outsides there's no getting in until you turn on these wandering sounds on merry go rounds there's no getting off until you turn on much of the time completion is overrated... the process is the journey, the journey is life... completion is an end and while most ends come so new things can begin, the end and the beginning are but brief moments between journeys and it is the journey that we are here for... we do not begin to end, we begin to proceed, to continue... the journey is continuing... and when the mind opens, it all makes sense... and when it all makes sense, there are no hardships... there are only new experiences to process new sensory input to understand and new journeys to explore and learn to enjoy J |
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