...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ...
A Journal of Sorts
when you take the leap of faith
and allow yourself to get comfortable
and dance on someone's rug
and that rug is suddenly pulled out from under you
the best you can do is lay there
and for a few moments
stare up at the stars
take some deep breaths
and focus on what to do next
and then pick yourself up
dust yourself off
and start all over again...
it's like the universe just keep testing me... it took a few days of introspection and actually enjoying the space (I mean, I actually cooked, finally)... and just when I relax and am most vulnerable again, pow, another direct challenge to believeing in and trusting people and my own decisions...
everything happens for a reason (repeat indefinitely)...
I got back here and found a couple of messages from Aim... so much for comfort, I'm out of here asap... but where?... how?... she gonna loan me the money for deposit on a new place and moving the way she loaned me the money to move in here?... ok, again... deep breaths and focus a bit...
everything will work out for the best (repeat indefinitely)...
ok... she needs the private space and it was a mistake to invite me in at this time... I can understand (and I can grumble without making it personal cuz I don't think it's personal... I don't think it has anything to do with me... just wanting privacy... bad timing... alas, pick myself up and...)...
focus...
ok, no time for self-pity or wallowing... apparently she needs my help more than I need hers... it seems that always the case with humans... swallow and continue... she didn't mean to hurt me or deceive me... I should have known not to take her up on her offer... follow my instincts, not others...
so ok, get the paper, on the net, and find a job and then a new place...
. o O ( throbbing headache ) O o .
yeah, the head is throbbing, nose is running, maybe it's not just stress... might also be the chilled weather and the bites on my legs and the skin fighting off the irritant that's causing the itching and maybe infection... it would be so nice to have a warm and comfortable bed to curl up in for a while... it'll be six years in March since I slept in a comfortable bed... the body is bending, aging, and slowly giving into the toll of discomfort, poor conditions, poverty, loneliness, stress, takers, and gravity... resist...
how does that poem go?...
alas, I will not be like them... and I will not give up on them... it is just so challenging at times like these when I trust again and find that trust misplaced, again... most people mean well, they just can not be depended upon... I wish I had someone close b (in space) who understood what I mean... I probably wouldn't ramble on in lament here nearly as much if I was not so alone... a nice long hug would be on time right now... sigh...
alas...
THE SAME-TIME MENU BAR - FOR EACH GARDEN AROUND THIS SAME TIME
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KIT
WORKLIFE
LIFETIME
JOURNAL
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