2001 HEARTBEATS
you want me to believe you care? do I know that you are there? have you shown your heart to me? I believe what I can see so few heartbeats for so little inspiration for so rare is the contact that matters to the heart... and how did I know (how do I always seem to know... most of the time... when I want to know)... the last heartbeat . o O ( lub dub lub dub lub ... ) O o . cut off in midstream... tempted, baited, set up for yet another silent abandonment... a disappearing act... act being the word... as used to it as I've become, it's still the most foolish waste of time and energy I know... and some do it so well, it may be all they know... anyway, I continue... . o O ( wonder what it's like to not be real ) O o . and this world (or is it the universe) tests cardiac endurance as well as any marathon and it's been so long since I've run or did any real exercise and almost as long since I've gotten a serious rest that life becomes a game of russian roulette as I wake up and move through each day... push, push, push... but it keeps me from delving deeper into the heartbeats, as it's supposed to... what?... me avoid?... oh worry?... must be mad... did you know I was caring about you? did it ever matter at all? you ignore so well how could anyone tell when was the last time you called? you hide it so well when you fall and why did you call? . o O someday we'll all understand ) O o . 
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