2001 HEARTBEATS
"you spilled your purse onto my bed searching for something for your head since then you never come clean I mean you wish you only could" ~ Train ~ bring it all back again... am I numb or just over it?... whatever comes to mind, but not as cold as it can be... still, the tears fall... maybe listening to Meg Ryan's monologue near the end of When A Man Loves A Woman helped... and I am sad because I don't have biological connections with anyone... and I am sad because I've never created biological relations when I had the opportunity... and I am... interrupted... figures, huh? . o O ( time passing ... waiting out the interruption ) O o . and still trying to focus without respect for the writing or the privacy... almost got close this time... the timing of the movie was excellent and, well, almost... the universe (or humans) did not want it to be right now... but the truth is what we missed the truth you didn't share the truth about the things you did without truth you don't care that's the sad and hard cold truth that is what you kept from me so whatever we might have shared it was not real it was fantasy so reaching for the reconciliation is a futile endeavor for there's nothing real to reconcile between us so when did I hang on to the hope that you'd come back to me I want to believe in forever but who dares to share forever there was not enough truth between us to set enough fear free to build a bridge we could cross to eternity that's the sad and hard cold truth that is what you kept from me so whatever we might have shared it was not real it was fantasy and I feel jaded I feel burnt out and betrayed I feel torn apart I feel broken and mislaid I feel hesitant I feel tired and afraid and I wonder if I should try again my plans are all unmade but I want to love someone with all my heart and soul and life I want to believe in the fairy tale called husband and wife I want to give everything and more for all eternity I want to share the whole truth, every secret fantasy I want someone to share their whole truth with me that's the sad and hard cold truth that is what I want from you so whatever we might have shared whatever we might do I want to share the whole truth that is all I want for me me so whatever else we might share just make it real make it reality seems that might be too much to ask from humans at this point in the evolution of the species... and I am hoping that's just cynicism talking... but I still keep waiting for, and hoping for the one who will come clean, completely and totally clean with me... the whole truth, anyone?... 
NEXT BEAT |
THE SAME-TIME MENU BAR - FOR EACH GARDEN AROUND THIS SAME TIME |
