2001 HEARTBEATS
long ago and far away it used to be all fun and play it sometimes feels like yesterday but it is not, what can I say it's long ago... and far away remembering... it usually happens no matter how many distractions I add to this life (or how well they distract me)... memories keep me connected with who I've been and that helps me remember who I am... except for a few years here and there where I gave myself up for someone else, this internal connectivity has worked to maintain peace, happiness, security, and stability in me... there is a lot of sadness and way too much disappointment along the way as I connect the dots of this life I've experienced... I do my best not to have expectations, but my desire for someone to choose on their own to actualize the ideals and interests I choose for myself so we can mutually support and share the same ideals and interests has yet to be fulfilled and an unfulfilled desire is a very sad feeling... alas, profoundly sad, even cruel to feel... sometimes painful... unbelievably so, even... I guess that's why most people give up on their desires along the way... unfulfilled desires, besuides being sad an painful, can be a huge burden and even an obstacle to fulfilling other desires... but when you have this desire on every level, conscious, unconscious, subconscious, cosmic, spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, and so on (yeah, every level, right?) and it's so strong that it's something you'd die for and fills your every waking and sleeping moment then what to do?... giving it up is worse than death... so I live with this gaping hole starving for the desire to be fulfilled... and I try not to let it get in the way of enjoying life and sharing fun and stuff... writing is how I deal with it... and it usually works... remember?... Happy Birthday Sandy
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