by Miranda Hawkins
He seemed normal enough while sitting down beside me on the airplane. Normal clothes, normal hair, plain face, yup, just your regular run-of-the-mill Joe Schmoe. That's why, at first, it was easy to ignore him and enjoy the flight, watching the clouds pass slowly below me. Then, after almost half an hour of total silence, I heard him ask quietly, "Excuse me, but do you have the time?"
I turned to answer his question, only to discover that the man wasn't talking to me at all, but a little purple teddy bear which he had pulled from beneath his drab overcoat. He proceeded to have an entire conversation with the stuffed toy, but then it took a malevolent turn as the pleasant chit chat began to escalate into and argument. I tried to overlook the situation, after all, it was my first time on a plane and I wanted to enjoy myself.
However, I could no longer ignore what was going on when the man pulled out a plastic knife and started shouting, "You're lying! You're lying! She never loved you! Only me. . . only me!"
Well, I'd heard more than enough! I shot out of my seat, flew past the wacko next to me and ran right into a stewardess. By the time I had explained my 'slight' problem, the man was laughing like a hyena with rabies and he'd managed to saw off both of the teddy bear's ears. Then, as the stewardess and I watched, the weirdo began to violently stab at the cute purple bear, all the while screaming, "Take that. . . and that. . . and that!"
Stuffing flew everywhere and the other passengers were suddenly beginning to notice that someone on the plane wasn't in possession of all of their marbles. All of a sudden, smoke began to fill the compartment and it took everyone very little time to figure out it was coming from the lunatic who'd been sitting next to me. He stood up frantically, his eyes wild, dropping the deformed bear in the aisle. The stewardess and I quickly took a step back and the passengers stared in wide-eyed horror as the odd man, with no further warning, spontaneously combusted.
Through the eruption of flames, he pointed a smoldering finger at the mutilated child's toy and screamed, in a mangled, crispy voice, "This is all your fault! I'm never speaking to you again!" Then, with that, he poofed into a pile of silvery ashes.
Complete silence reigned on that flight for approximately thirty seconds, before the stewardess, having gathered her composure, said, "There's no reason to be alarmed; Everything is totally under control." She flashed a toothy, award-winning smile and the other passengers, feeling incredibly reassured, resumed their own business.
"Excuse me, ma'ma, we really need you to return to your seat now," the woman whispered, smiling from ear to ear. Still trying to grasp the whole affair, I obeyed, watching in silence as someone came and swept up the ashes and what was left of the teddy bear.
Slowly, I pulled my carry-on from beneath my seat and opened it gently. "Next time," I told the blue stuffed rabbit nestled within its recesses, "We are definitely taking the train."
|
|
