…if when you stretch your legs, your toenails get longer
…if you don’t comb, you preen
…if you don’t gnaw your pork ribs, you just crunch them up and swallow!
…if you don’t chew your hamburgers anymore, you just rip and swallow
…if you sleep with your head under your arm, and don’t wake up with a cramp
…if you find that your sheets have turned into a nest by the morning
…if you run through a keyboard a month because the keys get stuck on your fingers
…if you feel a strong need to go skydiving… and think you can stop yourself from falling  without opening your parachute
…if you always order the "Meat Lover's" pizza, and despise the Veggie Pizza
…if you need to sharpen your nail clippers every time you trim your nails
…if you like eating Jell-O because it moves
…if you think cowboys should ride the cattle and herd the horses!
…if you have difficulty balancing on two feet
…if you have difficulty flossing because you can’t fit the thread between your teeth
…if your mental map home is from a bird’s-eye-view
…if you read birds’ expressions better than human ones
…if you understand what this list is talking about
…if you fail Keyboarding because you can’t get your fingers on the 8 home row keys
…if you find yourself running your hair through your mouth
…if when you’re going out with someone, you can’t kiss your date goodnight
…if you suddenly don’t need glasses anymore after being bitten by a hawk
…if you are uncomfortable in any chair, no matter the padding, but stools are fine
…if you find yourself walking on the balls of your feet… and not your heels
…if you wonder why the aquiline nose isn’t considered handsome
…if you wake up one morning, wash your face, and discover a lot more face to wash
…if you have an uncanny knack for reading far-away street signs
…if you ignore those signs because they are meant for ground vehicles
…if you sharpen pencils with your fingernails
...if when all your friends go out to howl at the moon, you hoot instead
...if people always back down from your stares
...if every shoe, no matter the style, is too long
...if rocking chairs cause you great fear.
...if you say "I just flew in from Topeka, and boy are my arms tired!" and nobody laughs
...if you think the books on horses are misfiled; they oughta be in the cooking section,      darnit!
...if you make a sudden career change to rancher, but are fired for "excess predation"
...if people tell you "Stop crawling around and stand up straight!" and you reply "I am  standing up straight!"
...if you know how many hairs people have on their eyelashes
...if skin moisturizer does nothing for your hands.
...if people are constantly telling you to stop sneaking up on them, but you can’t help it!
...if people complain when you play goalie in soccer because your reach is so much longer
...if your other car has wings
...if dogs chase you up trees whenever they see you
...if you can't figure out why anyone else thinks cats are obscure creatures--you understand them just fine!
...if, every morning before getting out of bed, you spend five minutes stretching
...if you don't like roller-coasters because you're strapped in
...if, when you’re out for a walk, you greet the crows as you pass… and they greet you back!
...if, when you break a nail, people look scared
...if, when you meet a friend, you comb each other’s hair
...if your life insurance has Infestation premiums
...if you shrug and smack the person next to you
...if you wonder why the Donner Party ate the horses last
...if you go to cheap mexican places because the tacos taste like hosemeat
 

...and because someone complained that there might be weregryphs who started out as *real* gryphons...

Gryphons Might Be Weregryphons…
...if you find that little bits of horse get stuck in gaps in your beak
...if your typing suddenly gets better after beating off the last human seeking your gold
...if your rear claws refuse to retract
...if you like living in caves crowded with other gryphons

Don't fit?  We can fix that!

Last Updated 5/03/99