|  Home   |  Gallery   |   Quaker  |   Gay   |   Erotic    |   Ideas   |  Misc.  | Estimate  |

The Quaker Wedding Service.
  In an atmosphere of quiet and reverence during the period of worship, the couple rise. Taking each other by the hand, they make their promises.
    When the couple are seated again, the marriage certificate is brought for them to sign. Then someone assigned to do so reads the certificate aloud. The meeting then continues in silent waiting upon God while those assembled share in the worship through prayer and meditation or spoken messages.
    The meeting closes by shaking of hands. All present are asked to sign the wedding certificate as witnesses to the marriage.

So you want a Quaker Wedding?
Who to talk to at a Friends Meeting:
    Look in the phone book under “Friends Meeting” or “Society of Friends” or “Quakers” and attend a Meeting on Sunday.  After meeting, ask to talk to the clerk of Oversight,  or Ministry and Counsel.  These are usually the committes that handle the weddings. Normally it will take a few months for the meeting to "approve" your wedding, although every Meeting is slightly different.
    Some Quaker Meetings will only consider your request if you have been attending their meeting for some time on Sundays.

About the Oversight Process:
    Send a letter to the Meeting requesting that they consider your marriage. Include your name, your original meeting, your fiancé's name, and any other information you think you should include.  The letter will be read at the next business meeting and approved.  Your request will be turned over to the Ministry or Oversight committee. You may be asked to attend their next meeting. They will assign an Oversight Committee. That committee will meet with you, answer your questions and handle all logistical details of your wedding, signing the license, explaining Quaker process to guests, helping you write your vows, arranging use of the Meetinghouse, etc.  However, Oversight will not take any action on your wedding until your "clearness committee" finds you clear on your marriage.
    The Oversight Committee or the Meeting will appoint the "Clearness Committee". These may include people who know you or not. This committee will meet with you and your fiancée and talk to you about your feelings, how you met, and make sure that your decision to marry is thoughtful and well considered and that the marriage has a good chance of succeeding. If they feel that you are "clear" on your decision to marry, they will report back to oversight committee. Then oversight will take that report to the Business Meeting and recommend that you be approved for marriage. The business meeting will then discuss it and approve your marriage.  Then the oversight committee will take over and follow through on all the details of your marriage, for instance, choosing a date, announcing it and sending out invitations. You are not supposed to send out invitations until your marriage has been cleared and approved by the meeting.

    The Quaker Marriage Process can take some time. You need to be prepared for that.

 Marriage in the manner of friends:
    If your time is limited or you don’t wish to go through the Quaker process, you can always have a marriage "in the manner of friends". In this case, you just need to find some nice people at meeting who are willing to help you out with planning. The meeting will not sign your license in this case. But you might be able to rent the meetinghouse if you liked or meet there.

Other Quaker Resources:

Quaker Books and Phamplets on Marriage
    Books and handouts on Quaker Marriage are available from:  Friends General Conference Bookstore, 1520 Race Street, Philadelphia, PA  19102.

These small phamplets are inexpensively available for giving to wedding guests to read during silent worship.

 

On-line Quaker Resources
The Quaker.org website has many on-line Quaker resources, business and lists on-line Meeting websites.  An excellent, comprehensive Quaker Index organized by a librarian.

Same Sex Marriages
If you are interested in Quaker Statements on Same Sex Marriages,  visit our Gay & Lesbian Celebrations of Commitment Page

Your Questions Answered
Writing Your Vows:
     The wording of a traditional Quaker wedding certificates can be found in the Quaker "Faith and Practice" of each Meeting.
    Today, if allowed by the committee that approves the marriage, a Quaker couple may write their own original vows.  Send me an email and I will send you some unique sample vows to inspire you in your writing process.

May I have attendants like a Maid of Honor?
    Not in a traditional Quaker wedding.  When Quakerism began during the Protestant Reformation, Quakers gave up all the formal liturgy, sacraments and rituals such as baptism, funerals, sermons, confirmation, confession, etc. The one ritual that remains, the Quaker Wedding, was simplifed and includes only the couple and God. Quakers believe all people are equal in the sight of God, and thus, have no hierarchy in the Meeting, such as ministers or deacons. Every person has a "direct line to God."  Therefore, Quakers do not use titles, such as Dr. and Mr., do not take oaths, and do not stand during the pledge of allegiance. But it is up to your clearness committee and your Quaker meeting. If you have a marriage just "in the manner of friends," you can do whatever you like.  I have seen Quaker weddings, where the attendants simply walked in, dressed in simple gowns and sat beside you during the ceremony and performed functions such as bringing the wedding certificate to sign.

Is it appropriate to play music?
      Not in a traditional Quaker Wedding. Quakers do not have music as a normal part of their service.  However, during meeting for worship, your guests may rise and give any kind of message. So if someone chose to stand and sing, that could be acceptable. (Any message or song given in Meeting is supposed to have been inspired by god during worship, rather than planned in advance)  However, if you are just combining Quaker elements into a service, you could do anything you like.  If it is a Quaker marriage, you have to ask your clearness committee, and every meeting may have made different decisions.  You might be able to have quiet music played before and after the service. But a Quaker worship service should be silent. 

Must I invite the whole Meeting?
    You should invite the overseers and the members of your clearness committee. Technically, any meeting for worship should be open to any member of meeting. You do not have to invite any of them to the reception, however, but the Meeting for Marriage should be open to members of the Meeting. Usually, only those who you invite will attend, especially if it is held away from the Meetinghouse.

Where can we get a Quaker marriage license?
    If you are married under the care of a meeting, you only need to have witnesses from Meeting sign your marriage license where the minister would normally sign. You have to apply for a marriage license from the state just like anyone else.
    As far as I know, the state of Pennsylvania is the only place that offers a Quaker Marriage License. This is because William Penn founded Pennsylvania for the religious freedom of persecuted English Quakers. Non-Quakers can apply for that license as well, it is still on the books and available, especially in Philadelphia, where there is a Quaker Meetinghouse on every corner!  In most states, you just go for the normal marriage license, and you have your clerk or members of your clearness or oversight committees sign where the "officiating" person signs. North Carolina has some laws on the books that "in no way shall any Quaker marriage be interfered with" and some such other wording that legitimizes Quaker weddings. It is an old law still on the books from the time that Quaker marriages were questionable because of the lack of any man of the cloth officiating.
    All Quakers have to get a license in the normal way in most states. Although a Quaker Wedding certificate really has no legal value, I have heard once where a woman's license was lost, and she was able to prove she had in fact been married because her certificate had the time, place, date, her name and genealogy and all those signatures. So it has the legal value of any written document, but it is not a license.