"Anguish"
WHY VIETNAM STILL MATTERS: The Wall
By Anonymous
Excerpt Reprinted with permission from
www.militarycity.com/vmatters/html
"..in the early days of the Memorial, all we had was
During the spring of 1995, the day before Memorial
Day, a vet who was looking for his buddy,
whom he had been told had been killed, arrived at
the Memorial. He remembered that his last
name began with an "I," a letter in the alphabet that
did not have many entries in the directory.
We sat on a bench, just down from the information
kiosk, and looked through all of the "I's" in an
effort to find the name for which he was looking.
Nothing sounded familiar to him. He left in a
mood that reflected his frustration of the
unsuccessful search. As one can well imagine, sitting
with
someone attempting to find their buddy was not an
uncommon experience for a volunteer
working at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. There
was nothing unusual about this effort. It had
become routine.
A few hours and many name searches later, another
vet came up to try and find his buddy who
had been killed after he left Vietnam. As I recall, the
last name began with an "R." We began to
look for the name, but he wasn't really sure what his
name was, all he knew for sure was his
nickname. Patience was not with him that day and he
chose to leave before we had completed
going through the letter of the last name.
Time flies when volunteering at the Wall, especially
during the holidays. It is both exciting and
tiring. I was just about ready to leave as I had been
there for over ten hours. As I was walking up
from the Wall, I saw the vet I had worked with
earlier that day. He asked if I remembered him. I
remembered the face and sitting on the bench with
him looking through the letter "I." As we were
chatting, another vet came up to say something to
me. It was the one who was looking for a
name beginning with "R." He excused himself to the
vet I was speaking with, as he wanted to say
goodbye to me.
They looked at each other and called
each other by nickname. One was the vet
we were looking for under the letter "I", and the
other was the vet we were looking for under the
letter "R." They had found each other, but not on the
Wall as they had expected. They found
each other alive in the flesh.
I walked away as they renewed their friendship
knowing that had I not been there to assist in
their searches, the timing might not have been right
for them to meet that day. On the way
back to the kiosk, feeling like all of the blood had
been drained from my body, I passed our
volunteer coordinator. She asked me what happened,
saying that I looked like I had seen a
ghost. I felt like I had seen two. It was two weeks
before I returned to volunteer.
A
Message From
The
Other Side Of The Wall
Several members of
my unit and many that I did not recognize have
called me to the
Wall by touching my name that is ingraved upon it.
The tears aren't
necessary but are hard even for me to hold back.
Don't feel guilty
for not being with me, my Brothers. This was my
destiny as it is
yours, to be on that side of the Wall. Touch the Wall,
my Brothers, so that
we can share in the memories that we had. I
have learned to put
the bad memories aside and remember only the
pleasant times that
we had together. Tell our other Brothers out there
to come and visit
me, not to say Good Bye but to say Hello and be
together again, even
for a short time and to ease that pain of loss that
we all share.
Today, an irresitable
and loving call comes from the Wall. As I
approach I can see
an elderly lady and as I get closer I recognize
her.......It's Momma!
As much as I have looked forward to this day, I
have also regretted
it because I didn't know what reaction I would
have.
Next to her, I suddenly
see my wife and immediately think how hard
it must of been for
her to come to this place and my mind floods with
the pleasant memories
of 30 years past. There's a young man in a
military uniform
standing with his arm around her......My
God!......It's has
to be my son. Look at him trying to be the man
without a tear in
his eye. I yearn to tell him how proud I am, seeing
him standing tall,
straight and proud in his uniform.
Momma comes closer
and touches the Wall and I feel the soft and
gentle touch I had
not felt in so many years. Dad has crossed to this
side of the Wall
and through our touch, I try to convey to her that
Dad is doing fine
and is no longer suffering or feeling pain. I see my
wife's courage building
as she sees Momma touch the Wall and she
approaches and lays
her hand on my waiting hand. All the emotions,
feelings and memories
of three decades past flash between our touch
and I tell her that
it's alright. Carry on with your life and don't worry
about me......I can
see as I look into her eyes that she hears and
understands me and
a big burden has been lifted from her.
I watch as they lay
flowers and other memories of my past. My lucky
charm that was taken
from me and sent to her by my CO, a tattered
and worn teddy bear
that I can barely remember having as I grew up
as a child and several
medals that I had earned and were presented to
my wife. One of them
is the Combat Infantry Badge that I am very
proud of and I notice
that my son is also wearing this medal. I had
earned mine in the
jungles of Vietnam and he had probably earned his
in the deserts of
Iraq.
I can tell that they
are preparing to leave and I try to take a mental
picture of them together,
because I don't know when I will see them
again. I wouldn't
blame them if they were not to return and can only
thank them that I
was not forgotten. My wife and Momma near the
Wall for one final
touch and so many years of undecision, fear and
sorrow are let go.
As they turn to leave I feel my tears that had not
flowed for so many
years, form as if dew drops on the other side of
the Wall.
They slowly move away
with only a glance over their shoulder. My
son suddenly stops
and slowly returns. He stand straight and proud in
front of me and snaps
a salute. Something makes him move to the
Wall and he puts
his hand upon the Wall and touches my tears that
had formed on the
face of the Wall and I can tell that he senses my
presence there and
the pride and the love that I have for him. He falls
to his knees and
the tears flow from his eyes and I try my best to
reassure him that
it's alright and the tears do not make him any less of
a man. As he moves
back wiping the tears from his eyes, he silently
mouths, God Bless
you, Dad...... God Bless, YOU, Son......We
WILL meet someday
but in the meanwhile, go on your
way......There is
no hurry.......There is no hurry at all.
As I see them walk
off in the distance, I yell out to THEM and
EVERYONE there today,
as loud as I can,.........THANKS FOR
REMEMBERING and as
others on this side of the Wall join in, I
notice that the US
Flag that so proudly flys in front of us everyday, is
flapping and standing
proudly straight out in the wind today.
THANK YOU ALL FOR
REMEMBERING
APVNV Pat (Beanie) Camunes
D/4/31 196th Lt Inf Bde
TayNinh 12/66-4/67 TamKy 4/67-12/67
