First Annual Art Giveaway Contest!

Phase One: Caption This!

Rules
1) Write Two (2) witty captions for each of the six pictures below.
2) Email your captions to the addresses listed below before Midnight EST, Saturday, April 5th.
3) There are no language or reference restrictions, but anything too crude or obscure will probably suffer low scores.

Note: Each caption was awarded between 1(lame) to 10(milk through the nose hysterically funny) points by each judge.

(NonContestant captions continue to be welcome and will be posted along with the official captions)

Scoring Breakdown

Contestent	Judge 1	Judge 2	Judge 3	Total
Blinker	85.5	81	102.4	268.9
Hurrkain	81	76	106.3	263.3
Michael	78	76	100.9	254.9
Jerikor	84	69	100.9	253.9
no1amhfan	79	74	97.5	250.5
hallfan	77.5	72	95.5	245

Color Key
Blinker jerikor hallfan Hurrikain Michael no1amhfan 1


Inscription on plaque: "Forty years ago, the man to the left asked his benchmate whether he preferred the restaurant's Jumbo Shrimp Platter with PIE :-P or its Ham Salad Orgasm (with Dashes of Hot Sauce!) He is still awaiting an answer. Please do not disturb either one, and do not interfere with the employees who feed them and wipe the unending drool from the second fellow's mouth. Thank you, The Management"

"Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going. Where they've been. But I'll tell ya... she never done explain what it means if a guppy's tryin' to get it on with their right foot."

Now I can tell my mother that I met Forrest Gump . . .she'll probably ban me from the house from now on.

Run, Forrest, run! Why aren't you running? Your legs are stuck together? That's some damn excuse!

"Actually, I think I still gotta few more miles left on these shoes."

"Either give me some chocolate or get...off...my...bench!!"

"Dammit, if you say that damn 'chocolates' line one more fricken' time..."

"You were supposed to take one, not the whole box!" "Shut up you!"

"Fill your shoes?? You shrimp!! I OWN your shoes!"

"So, taking everything into consideration, why isn't life like a bucket of shrimp?"

Simon says, put your hands on your knees!

If I just keep smiling, maybe he won't know it was me that passed gas!

2


And then, one day, the photographer who makes all those inspirational posters for the ceilings of dentists' offices got a little too avant garde for his own good.

Should you find yourself the prey of a West Virginia Branch-Jumping Murder Cat, experts recommend you avoid panicking, stand perfectly still, and look bemusedly at the camera.

She figured at since her own hat wasn't good enough, the cat would have to suffice.

The cat figured that since ShadowDog was still running around in circles chasing her, she'd be safe up here. But what she didn't know was that this lady was ShadowDog's accomplice . . . and likes meat . . .

"Hey you guys! The view is unbelievable from up here!"

"Don't...move...a...muscle! That Mastiff is looking right at me!"

ShadowDog: Heeeere kitty kitty! I have a preeesent! Just jump in the doggie bowl! Don't worry, it's filled with gravy to break your fall.

Cassie always hated sprinkler days. Good thing there's always the ferry.

"Some mornings, my hair almost seems alive..."

"She got around that whole 'fur is murder' thing in a most ingenious way..."

This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted a fur hat!

Just a little closer to that tree and I can make my escape!

3


An increasingly senile Roy Scheider demonstrates his prototype for "Jaws: The Home Game." "I've still gotta glue a fin to the back, but the jaws themselves sure work!" [Presses button on remote. The chair struggles vainly to crush him.] "Aw, crap! I'm gonna need a bigger chair."

Despite the video box's most fevered claims, Dex would have to rotate his armchair by over 60 degrees before he was on the edge of his seat watching "The Princess Diaries." And even then it had less to do with the film's shocking denouement, and more to do with his weight.

Look, Mommy, I'm psychic!

And yet another photo of a man going to extremes trying to find the remote control when it is in clear view.

Dex was having a little TOO much fun with his new toy!

"By continuously increasing the velocity in my new horrid green contraption, I should be on the moon in roughly sixty seconds."

"Sick of your annoying, boring in-laws, then give them the new 'Catapult LazyBoy'!"

Half Armchair. Half Mechanical Bull. Dex Sr.: YEEEEEE-HAW!!!

"Dex VOWED to never eat chili beans and cabbage together EVER again!"

"I'm sorry. Do you have this in a extra-large?"

This is your captain speaking! We have been cleared for takeoff....

I knew I should have lost weight! I can't get this chair off my butt!

4


"So what do you think? I've been trying to bleach it white. This nice Branch-Jumping Murder Cat down the road sold it to me dirt cheap..."

What's the difference between this dog and Kari Wuhrer? One is a bitch who has yet to be captured on film wearing clothes. The other at least wore a hat.

I thought that if I posed Dexter would think I'm sexy.

This is the photo I'm sending into Playdog magazine . . .

Shadow Dog always knew how to lay on the charm.

First ever K-9 Engineer!

Dex: Yeah, that's it. You are now a lost puppy. A lost, sexxy puppy! Yes, that's it! Make love to the camera. This puppy has a secret... Yes he does! That's it.

Other than his webmastering duties, this yummy K-9 enjoys long walks on country roads, exotic cuisine (especially Chinese Food) and chasing gophers.

"Gallagher decided it was time to stop using the Rogaine."

"Hey! You damned, dirty hippie! Long hair is OUT!!"

Does this hat make my nose look big?

Oh no! I've been spotted! I knew I should have worn the wig instead!

5


David Peckinpah's most pretentious movie rip-off to date: "The Black-and-White Mile."

Mulder knew his situation was hopeless. A Black Oil-infected Skinner had tricked him back into the gulag, and - worst of all - confiscated his flashlight.

I told them that if they opened the window I'd kill them . . . and now they're going to pay. Wait, where'd they go? They jumped out the window? Wait for me!!!!

Mom and Dad always knew their son would amount to something.

"I thought I smelled Oatmeal Gruel, my favorite. Hand it over sonny!"

"I don't think you heard me correctly. I said lights out pretty boy!"

OZ : The Animated Series. Coming this Winter on HBO.

Randy: OK, I filled out your paperwork, can I get my timer and go now... why are you smiling like that... um, you're beginning to scare me man.... shit...

"I sure wish they'd spring for a second loop on my belt, so I can stop carrying my nightstick up my ass."

"I know it's against the rules, but I REALLY need to use your toilet!!"

Wadda ya mean? This IS the bridal suite!!!

Enjoy your stay at the Holiday Inn!

6


Dog S&M videos. They're not just for Executive anymore!

In this gripping scene from Gus Van Sant's all-dog remake of "The Truman Show," Sylvia watches tensely as Truman is hunted down like... well, a dog.

Ooh, she's hot . . Mrs. Shadow? Where'd you come from? Don't touch me!!!!

I wonder if I keep staring if my eyes will be stuck like this . . . maybe I'll see in color . . .

"C'mon now! You don't have to take that crap from him!"

(sighing)"If only I had stayed on the straight and narrow, I too could be making the big bucks."

The canine edition of the annual Victoria Secret fashion show. ShadowDog: Yeah, baby, work that tail.

ShadowDog: No NO! Bad call! That wasn't his poop on the field!

"Can you hear me?? Hold on!! I'll send help!!"

"ShadowDog rued the day Shel-beast figured out how to order pay-per-view doggie porn."

Tv is really going to the dogs!

Oh boy! My favorite show! The Dog Zone!!!!!