Bruce Almighty

another very special review by ShadowDog

Yet another outrage has been transgressed against dogkind! I’m talking about this supposed comedy in which a poor downtrodden dalmation is abused and rediculed throughout the movie “Bruce Almighty.” Did Jim Carrey ever stop blaming the molested pooch long enough to consider who was really to blame? Who should have potty trained that dog years ago??? Has Carrey ever heard of a paper towels or other training aids?? How did Carrey ever learn to stop going in his drawers? His smegging parents pushed his funky butt into the potty chair!!! Now he’s acting like he was BORN not turning his trowsers brown!

Nope, instead my dog has to be carried down the steps whilst in the middle of his bid-ness! The butt of the audience’s merriment while he pees all over his helpless, exposed belly. It’s enough to make a grown dog cry.

That was just the beginning of the outrage. Next came scene after scene after scene of our martyr going into the bathroom and closing the door. Sitting on the toilet, no matter how much that position unnaturally contorts his poor doggie muscles and tendons. And worst of all, reading a newspaper!! A NEWSPAPER!! Do you know how many dogs have been beaten with newspapers since that foul invention surfaced two centuries ago! That’s like making a horse read the label on a whip or making Al Franken read George W. Bush’s book! Is there any decency in Hollywood these days!

I think there should be a new rating system to protect audiences from the rampent dogism that threatens to turn every movie going experience into one of drool and tears.

What’s next? Cujo on ice??? >:-#

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