Episode Report Cards



Overall grade A
Ya know, I’ve been watching “Female Stalks Guy” movies since “Play Misty For Me” and none of these guys have ever figured out the ultimate cure for a stalker women! Just let her see you spend 12 straight hours on the couch (wearing nothing but three day old underwear) watching different football games on three different TVs, telling Blonde jokes to your moronic buddies, and eating a dozen foot long chili cheese dogs!! Not even a crazy woman will want you after THAT display!
That aside, what a wonderfully constructed ep! You have tension (Johnny’s in danger), mystery (whodunnit), innovation (never see a TV ep in which people kidnap to make a movie!), intricate psychological studies (Nicholas), and character development (Dana and Sarah).

Whoever cut the preview for this ep F
Gee, thanks for showing us the scene of the little boy running down the hallway wielding the sickle in last week’s preview! As soon as they revealed that the little boy survived, I remembered the preview and knew who the killer was! Why didn’t you show the wig being pulled off and blow ALL the surprises??? I suppose you would have shown Bruce Willis walking through a wall in a preview for “Sixth Sense”!!!

Johnny A
Great composure in a difficult situation. The question of the hour is this: Would you have let Penny strap you on if you hadn’t gotten the vision of Pregnant Penny? I love how you handled Penny in the teaser. You were so composed that I thought this was her fantasy!

Johnny's HygieneF
The same clothes two days in a row??? Just ew!!!

Bruce B
Each week you get more laughs per minute of screen time than any other character!

Sarah and Dana A+
You two were wonderful together! You should take your act on the road! Love the snippiness early on and every moment they shared on the screen was compelling and usually amusing! Also love the Sarah ‘tude towards Walt! TEE HEE!
Just one question for Sarah alone: Um, who’s watching Li’l Johnny? Do you even HAVE a son anymore? I haven’t seen any sign of him since FreakDancing was still in!

Walt F
You’re in hot water, bucko! A couple more patronizing “orders” to Sarah and you might as well get used to the couch! ROTF!!!

Purdy F
I got your number now you bottom line slobbering, money grubbing, cast from the temple cuz you were changing money, sellout, paramecium slime!! (Wasn’t his expression upon looking at the printout priceless? ROTF!!)

Happy Milk Carton Faces of the Week:
Li’l Johnny. WOO HOO!! Buh bye! Don’t show up again next week!!

Walt’s Snippy Deputy F
HEY!! Those tire tracks are what is sometimes called EVIDENCE! While you’re looking that word up, STOP WALKING ON THE TIRE TRACKS!!!

Penny B
Awwwwww. You just need a hug! High marks for knowing how to cook shrimp! But I had to mark you back down for being a complete loon. You’re dangerous but I did feel sorry for you.

Nina/Nicholas F
I felt sorry for you too. But I’m giving you a Time Out for murdering your family! BAD Nicholas! I do have to wonder how someone that short managed to take out both parents though. In their sleep, maybe? And fellows, be honest! Didn’t you think she was hot before the wig came off? I’m gonna have to start taking DNA tests before asking hot women out on dates!

Cute Webmistress/Camerawoman B
That animated email was COOL!! Can you teach me how to do that?? I mean, when they let you out of prison in 2085, that is. Also, can you tell me how it’s possible to HAVE SEX with someone and not know what gender they are??? What’s that? You didn’t do it that much? Wouldn’t, oh I don’t know, ONCE be enough to clue you in on that minor detail??

Moral of the Ep:
“One night of having a pretty and charming wackjob cooking you shrimp is much better than a weekend ductaped to a chair while Slingblade is prowling the abandoned farmhouse!”

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