Episode Report Cards

Playing God

“What is that weapon for?”
-Rimmer
“I’m going out like I came in, kicking and screaming! If Death tries to come near me, I’ll rip his nipples off!”
-Lister
(courtesy “Red Dwarf”)

Overall grade A
This just proves that you can’t judge a season halfway in. You really have to see an entire season before you can think that the writers have lost their nerve. Why did Nicole survive in “Cabin Pressure?” Because we had Kate dying in “Playing God.” I take back all the bad things I said or thought about the writers and their “everything always works out perfectly sugar endings” that we had seen up to this point. The writers have more guts than I ever thought possible. More guts than I do, since I didn’t have Johnny actually playacting to CAUSE the death of the organ donor. That was cold blooded. I will now bow in sheer AWE at the guts displayed last night.

(bows)

You could take a water hose to the Oscars and not wet a single writer who has this kind of nerve. So, as I said, I’m in awe. One reason this is so awesome is they made Kate so perfect and Jason so wretched. There was much pressure to do it the other way around, I’m sure. But that's the easy way out. This is so much better. Redemption for Jason is a lot more interesting.
Having said all that, did the episode work? I think so. It was entertaining, well acted, and offered a classic Prisoner’s Dilemma ... and nothing keeps butts in the seats and fingers off the remotes like no win scenarios. I do think we could have done without Kate being interested in Johnny, that’s cliché in tragic endings (Nothing tells you that a guest star is gonna be gunsmoked like them falling in love with a main character) but that did add to his pain. I’ve said all season that we have to see Johnny “fail” every now and then in order to maintain suspense and this was a masterful way to do it.
Can anyone imagine Judd Nelson as Jason and Molly Ringwold as Erin? I’m sure the scriptwriter imagined that, but it looks like they could only get one out of three. Erin probably would have had more lines had Molly been speaking them.
PS. I could be wrong but I believe Maine requires you have front AND back license plates, so Johnny could have walked around to the back of the truck to see the full number.

Johnny C
I hate you for murdering Kate. I wanna hug you for all the pain you’ve experienced since you got out of the coma, this one being the worst. And I am in awe of how much better a person you are than me, cuz I gotta tell you, if I was the one deciding between Jason and Kate ... Jason would have been taking a dirt nap so >:-#-ing fast he wouldn’t have time to cancel his Young Gary Busey lookalike contest entry! So an “F” for murdering Kate and an “A” for being a better man than me equals a “C.”

Sarah B
Very big of you to give Kate permission to be interested in Johnny. You could have been so much more catty about it. But I know you didn’t like this one bit. It was nice to see that things between you and Johnny seem to be getting better, though. You were very easy around each other this time.

Walt B
Good looking out! You came through on that partial plate. I have to wonder about you though, one week you’re mad and snippy and the next week you help Johnny almost without question. The scene where you agreed to help Johnny was begging for a “Why should I when I know you held out on me about the mob?” Johnny could have convinced you, but at least you should have put up a fight.
I really wish we could see Walt’s reaction to finding out that the plate Johnny requested he look up belonged to the man who would kill Johnny’s friend practically right outside Johnny’s property. Judging from past experience, however, this will never come up in future eps.

Purdy A
I couldn’t do it either, buddy. You actually do have a heart! (no pun intended) I never gave you credit for what you realized almost immediately ... that you can’t play around with organ donations. There are too many lives at stake down the list. That is definitely a No Change Zone.

The Go Gos A
They’ve still got the beat! (They tour again in August of this year! :-p~~~~~~~~~~ )

Kate A
It doesn’t get any sweeter than you. Sniff. So much for my dreams of you joining the show next season. Man, I can’t believe Johnny picked Sarah over your ever so fine butt in High School! But I guess the whole punk scene you were into back then would have been a turnoff. Still, grrrr. Hey, do me a favor, sock Snippy Death in the nose when he comes to get you, will ya? >:-#

Jason F
Lemme see if I follow your logic, Mr. Spock. You believe that Kate showed you the article about Johnny so she could see Johnny again? Was that your deathbed thesis? I guess I missed the umbilical cord that kept Kate always six feet from you, meaning if she wanted to see Johnny then she had to trick you into seeing him as well. I’ve gathered that you’re not very bright, and you were a “24” season away from Death, but even my dog sat up and said “That accusation makes zero sense!”
We’ve you’ve completed your jerk reform training, come on back. Johnny needs someone to wash his dishes. >:-#
PS. Boy you sure are lucky I wasn’t the one Playing God! You’d be deader than Disco! >:-#

Erin B
Stopped talking about divorce because you smelled a big inheritance, or because Jason’s impending death made you realize how much you actually loved him? Hmmmm. I haven’t decided yet since the doctor had more lines than you did.

Bartender F
Oh, Johnny’s the AntiChrist and must be banned from your wonderful establishment, but the truck driver can drink six gallons a minute and you don’t take his keys???? I hope they backtrack the Killer Driver and lock your incompetent >:-# UP!!

Drunk Driver Z-
Oh Boo Hoo! Everyone has it bad from time to time! That’s doesn’t excuse drinking and driving. Indeed, anyone who drinks and drives in this day and age (with this much publicity against it for this many years) has to be the dumbest >:-# on the planet! Oh, and the that "Water is half full/empty" nugget is even more old and tired than you look!

Snippy Death F
Upon further review, you still SUCK!! >:-# Did Kate give you that Sock O’ Gram I asked her to?

Happy Milk Carton Faces of the Week:
Li’l Johnny. WOO HOO!! Buh bye! Don’t show up again next week!! (Is there a Child Actor’s Union strike I don’t know about?)

Sad Milk Carton Faces of the Week:
Dana and Bruce. Sob!

Moral of the Ep:
“If a guest star falls in love, or is in love, with a series Main Character, she has a lower life expectancy than a cherry PIE at Rosie O’Donnell’s family reunion!”

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