Episode Report Cards

Dead Men Tell Tales

Overall grade A
Not a fan of flashback/narrated movies/books because it removes some of the tension. If someone is still alive and telling everything that happened after the end of the story, after the drama is over, then you know all through the flick that they’re going to survive. Less tension. But this is okay in a TV show because we all KNOW that Johnny’s gonna live anyway.
This was a very dense episode. We have the mob, the investigating police and (presumably) FBI, Stillson, and even a Romance (in the Arthurian sense of the word). A lot is packed into 45 minutes.
The mob angle was pretty cool. I wasn’t expecting that at all, I thought it was gonna be an all Stillson ep. And what an original pickle for Johnny to be in! That flash vision of Johnny landing in a shallow grave sure convinced me!
Yet another good job of keeping us guessing. I never really knew until the end why Mickey tried to kill his boss. One more thing, maybe it was the Titanic mention at the beginning, but wasn’t the love theme very reminiscent of some of the “Titanic” music?

Johnny B
You Mickey murderer! But you couldn’t know, I guess. Plus Mickey wasn’t lily white. Loved your gambling spree! “Bruce isn’t going to be happy.” ROTF!!! (very nice echo from the beginning of Season 1 when Bruce brought this up) Also loved your return ‘tude towards Mad, Tired Walt. He deserved every snippy reply you gave him!
You negotiated a very sticky minefield and did it very well, even managing to save the girl! Jolly good show! Oh, does it surprise that commercial plane captains can’t be MADE to believe but that casino owners will believe in Johnny’s powers in a heartbeat? It’s all about the Benjamin’s!

Sarah B
Have you lost your MIND? You have more chance of saving Jack Nicholson’s soul! (and that man worked with ADAM SANDLER for crissakes!) However, Johnny won’t be honest with you so I can’t knock you too much. I gotta believe if he leveled with you that you’d do the right thing.

Mad, Tired Walt D
Dude! Your ‘tude is in overdrive! Get some sleep, baby! You look like heck and you’ve apparently forgotten that Johnny is a Champion. Not only did he save your ungrateful life, save your wife’s life in that bank robbery, but he caught a serial killer who was operating right under your nose! Sure, he hosed that same wife ... but nobody’s perfect, right?
One more thing, that “would you swear on JJ’s life” line was as uncalled for as it was infantile. For shame!

Stillson C
Knew that wicked SNEER™ would be back! (shudders) But it’s pretty bad when you’re not the slimiest punk in an episode. Your not wanting to touch Johnny excuse was weak as well water. On the other hand, Mmmmmm, barbecued chicken. I have to admit that your arrogance is starting to grow on me. Most people would fear Johnny but you fear nothing except for being trapped on an island with no women.

Sonny F
You’re supposed to be Stillson’s heavy? You got a mudhole stomped into your butt TWICE in one ep! Your face looks like you tried to kiss a moving train! When are dirtbags like you going to learn that “I wouldn’t sleep with you if every other man on the planet looked like Lyle Lovett!” MEANS “I wouldn’t sleep with you if every other man on the planet looked like Lyle Lovett!”

Al Capunk F
How far down the national mob foodchain does a guy have to be to be forced to carve out an underground empire out of MAINE? God love Maine but they’re in the bottom 5% in all the national crime and drug statistics! You’d have more action if you were a mob boss in charge of Antarctica! Of course, this is why you only need two henchmen.

Mickey A
You’re a sweet thug. I can almost forget the implication that you’ve probably broken more laws than J-Lo and maybe even killed people. Just more proof that a common theme of this show is redemption.

Nina B
This would be an “A” but ... sleeping with Stillson? Just ew! >:-# I’m glad you’re going back to Minnesota though. I’ll look for you during my upcoming Dubuque / Minneapolis business trip next month.

Happy Milk Carton Faces of the Week:
Li’l Johnny. WOO HOO!! Buh bye! Don’t show up again next week!! (Did he fall down a well or what???)

Sad Milk Carton Faces of the Week:
Bruce, Dana, and Purdy. Sob!

Moral of the Ep:
“It’s a whole lot easier to make an offer he can’t refuse if your opponent can SEE a vision of himself being deep sixed!”

Back to Dead Zone Central

-