Political Humor

Political Humor Page?

This page is exclusively dedicated to Political Humor and some irony as well. Some of it might even be funnier if it wasn't true as well. That's the scary part about it! Peace out...

--Shadowraven

Lie Clocks

Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven (ha ha). As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rumsfeld, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said Rumsfeld. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked Rumsfeld.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Rules for Being A Good Republican

You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to Dubya's administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
You have to be against government programs, except Social Security checks on time.
You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate your personal sexual and reproductive decisions.
You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.
You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. (or the Lord and Lady)
You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.
You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and former President Clinton.
You have to believe that society is color blind and growing up different in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.
You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.
You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own art and the poor don't need any.
You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.
You have to believe that George W. Bush & Dick Cheney are men of character and would never dream of telling a lie or misleading anyone.
You have to believe that George W. Bush really won the last 2 elections.

Remember, nothing is more American than questioning our leaders!!

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

"President Bush has refused to declassify portions of the congressional 9/11 reports about the Saudis, because he says it will help the enemy. Not al-Qaeda, the Democrats."

"President Bush just came to California. He was here to try and raise money. Good luck. What are we, $38 billion in debt? We should be hitting him up for some dough."

Vote To Impeach Bush!!

Psalm of the 43rd

The Bush is my shepherd, I shall lack everything.
He makes me sacrifice for privileged class tax breaks,
He leads me beside the polluted waters,
He restores my lack of faith in humanity.
He guides me in the paths of deception for his family name's sake.
As the nation walks through the valley of the shadow of terrorism,
I will fear much evil, for Bush is in command;
His plastic and duct tape, they horrify me.

Bush prepares a table for his cronies before me in the presence of newly established enemies.
Bush anoints his pre-meditated wars with oil;
Halliburton's cup runneth over.
Surely conflict and hate will follow our country all the days of our lives because of Bush,
And we will dwell in an absolute hell forever. Amen.

A Satire by Loren Adams - Fayetteville, AR USA - September 20, 2003
From the website All Hat, No Cattle.

Unfortunately not.

It was real thoughtful of Dubya visit the troops on Thanksgiving to see a live turkey!

But STILL stupid

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Page Last Modified On: Monday March 9, 2009