All About Me, Me, Me . . .

Since you came here you are either mental, a masochist, or desperate for entertainment. We'll soon fix that. Let's just see how much you can take before you crack under the strain!

___ I tend to be stubborn to a fault, I do NOT like being told what to do, and have always had a problem with ignorant authority. I've also had problems with personal responsibility. These things never affected my work too often because I am also extremely loyal and have a strong sense of duty on the job. I am there to work and for nothing else. Once I know what is expected of me, I will always do my job to the best of my ability, with little or no supervision. That is why I have always tended to have supervisor positions in the past. However, when I am out of work I don't like to do the necessary slog you must to find one, I want to just be handed one and get it over with. I want it to be easy, but more about that later.

___ Even though I have had (and still have to some extent) trouble relating to people, I know what it is like to be persecuted and treated unfairly. Since I understand this I am often fair-minded, almost to a fault. This has made me a very popular supervisor. I am extremely patient and have the ability to take complex subjects and make them simpler to understand. I don't often make snap decisions, but more considered ones, and always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Whether I like them or not. It is not my job to run a popularity contest, or to condemn a person out of hand due to my own personal feelings. I always try to see all sides to a situation before making a decision. I try to put myself in the other person's position to see things from their perspective. I try to deal with the facts. Not what I want to be true, but what is most likely true.

___ Otherwise, I have never really been popular. When I came out of school I hated people, due to the way I had been treated. People talk about how terrible it is that kids are shooting their classmates, but I can understand it. If you go to school knowing that it is going to be hell because you are being tortured every day you are there, you will hate your classmates. You will probably fantasize about the revenge you would like to take to wipe the smiles from their faces. It was a long and hard struggle for me to get over those feelings and become more personable.

___ I am definitely not a conformist, but I do conform somewhat. I just conform in the way I want to and don't let the group make my decisions for me. I tend to have an aggressive personality, preferring to be the one in control. I prefer to associate with other people with strong personalities. I don't like people who agree with everything I say or do, nor do I like whiners or wimps. Hence, I have many conservative friends, while I am mostly a liberal with some conservative leanings, which drives them crazy.

___ This also translates into the kind of women I like. I have always liked tomboys the best. Always preferring the cute girl who is not afraid to get her hands dirty to the prissy girly-girl type. I want a woman with a strong personality of her own who can take care of herself. While this can often be frustrating, it is never boring. This is exactly what I got when I married Maria, and I adore her for it. The one thing she never doubts for a moment is how much I love her. There is not a day that goes by that I fail to tell her how much she means to me. I was raised to respect women and would never even think of harming one. Part of that respect means that I would never lie to her, or even think of striking her. Either action would be callous and disrespectful. I am also fiercely loyal and would never even think of cheating on her.

___ However, I am far from the perfect husband. I can occasionally be somewhat selfish and did I mention that I am stubborn? To a fault. I tend to procrastinate and can be somewhat lazy at home. Since I don't like being told what to do and am stubborn, it is hard for my wife to get me to do what she wants me to. Part of my procrastination comes from the fact that I have to analyze everything before I do it. Whenever I see a problem that needs solving I keep at it single-minded until I do. This can be a good and a bad thing. It tends to give me tunnel vision, shutting everything else out until I'm done. I am definitely an obsessive-compulsive personality (from my dad) and a perfectionist. When I do something it must be done completely and perfectly (I'm working on it) which often translates into taking too long to complete a job (I've mostly cured this however). I tend to be very forgetful of necessary events and duties at home and have an obsessive love of my computer (another fault). Not things that endear me to my wife, I assure you.

___ I've almost always been very patient with a slow temper. My father was somewhat alcoholic with a temper when I was a kid and occasionally, but rarely, abusive. This gave me a graphic illustration of what a temper can do, so I learned early (from my mother) to control myself. It also means that I drink alcohol only rarely and never just to get drunk (but I am a silly drunk rather than a mean one). I am very slow to anger but when I go off, as I did as a child, it could be bad. I have since never lost my temper like that as an adult, I find other outlets. I can occasionally be grouchy but rarely get angry. I can often get frustrated with other people's stupidity or whining. I suffer from migraines, depression, stomach hyperacidity, chronic fatigue syndrome (from mononucleosis), sleep apnea, and Type-B diabetes (yes Virginia, I am a genetic mess). This means that I have little tolerance for others whining about their pain or problems. I have always felt that if you can do something about your situation then do it, and if you can't, then live with it. Life is often not fair and whining will do nothing to improve it, so suck it up, fix it, or shut up! This translates into the fact that I almost never worry, about anything. This drives my wife crazy, but I always tell her "What is the point of worrying about something you can do nothing about, right now? Does it improve anything if you do?" I tell her to worry about it when you can do something constructive about it, otherwise let it go.

___ I am a very intelligent person, having placed in the upper 3% of the population. I say this because I know it and don't believe in false modesty. But that does not make me arrogant (now). I do not believe that I am inherently better than anyone else, and I don't lord it over others. My wife calls me a walking encyclopedia, dictionary, and thesaurus rolled into one. I became this way through insatiable reading and consumption of educational programs. I am intelligent and curious, never being satisfied with the pat answer. I always have to know why something is the way it is and understand at least the basics of how it works. This applies to technology as well as people and society. I am a creative thinker and person. I love to build, draw, and create things with my hands. The computer aids me as a creative outlet for my mind, which is never still. I am always thinking about or analyzing something.

___ But intelligence is not wisdom. I have made many stupid mistakes in my life that could have been avoided with a little properly applied thought and consideration. For one thing when I was younger I tended to be somewhat arrogant about my intelligence. I often tended to give more of my opinions than was good for me, talking when I should have shut my mouth. I was proof of the axiom "It is better to remain quiet and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt". As they say "God gave you two ears and one mouth, so that you could listen twice as much as you talk". Good advice I would have been better off taking sooner than I did. I would often alienate people or occasionally hear the word "asshole" associated with me, which would make me think. I have always analyzed my own actions to see how they stand up to scrutiny and have worked hard to be more polite and considerate of other peoples feelings.

___ High intelligence can also create it's own set of problems. For one thing you get used to things coming easy to you. Then when something truly difficult comes along, you don't know how to handle it. You may end up getting mad at yourself and giving up in frustration or you may become obsessed with solving the problem to the exclusion of all else. You get mad at yourself because you don't understand why you don't get it immediately, so you feel that you are being stupid. So intelligence needs to be tempered with wisdom and mental discipline. I'm too stubborn to give up myself (but not obsessed, too much), but I've seen it happen. I've also seen people confuse knowledge with intelligence. The two don't necessarily go together. I've seen people who have a great deal of knowledge, but have no idea how to apply it. Those would be the ones you say that they are so smart that they are stupid, they have no common sense. From where I stand they are not intelligent, just knowledgeable. You might say that, "They've been educated beyond their intelligence". I've also met people who don't have that encyclopedic knowledge. But they are very good at problem solving, learning new things, or applying what they do know. From where I stand, those are the people who are truly intelligent.

___ Intelligence can also breed arrogance and a sense of superiority to others. This has never made people like this popular with others, because no one likes to be made to feel inferior to another person. You can also get easily offended when people treat you like you're stupid. You think that they should just know that you are really smart. Intelligence also caused me problems in school. I got bored very easily with the curriculum because was never challenging. As a consequence of this I really didn't care about it, so I only did well in a few subjects. It was only when I went to tech school and college that I really started getting good grades, they were interesting.

___ As far as my interests and music tastes concerned they are rather diverse. I like computers & computer/video games (surprise), photography, architecture, reading, RPG gaming (mostly as a GM/DM), crafts, lapidary, and cooking. As far as music goes I like nearly anything except for 99% of soul, rap, or "pop" music. I listen to rock, alternative, techno, bluegrass, celtic, country, classical, new age, cajun, etc. My favorite groups & singers are Enigma, Delerium, Amethystium, Sugar Ray, Smashmouth, Billy Joel, Enya, and The Offspring. I love cats (we have 7 and a dog), owls, and ravens/crows. I am also an avid, but not rapid, environmentalist. I am very solicitous of my cats, ask my wife.

___ I call myself Shadowraven because that is how I see myself. I am a reader of Machiavelli and Sun Tzu. If I am forced to confront someone I prefer to use tactics, subterfuge, and cleverness to do so. I have been told that I am quite ingenious and somewhat scary. My own wife calls me the sneakiest person she has ever met, but she also knows that I would never deceive or lie to her. It is not in me to do so; I have too much respect for her. I am not adverse to direct confrontation if necessary, but I prefer to minimize my own vulnerability to attack. I have also always believed that "revenge is a dish best served up cold".

___ I have a strong Celtic/Native American identity, which led me to being a Wiccan or Neo-Pagan. I had always had a problem with Christianity; it's doctrines, contradictions, past actions, and present adherents. I also have a rather scientific, fact based attitude and as such was an Atheist for years. I saw God and especially the Bible as illogical constructs created by humans (I still do). I found the prospect of God as unlikely, but not impossible. That is, until I found that scientists had detected an underlying force to the universe that they could not explain, but seemed to occasionally act in an intelligent way. Then it became more believable to me as it was explained there, but not in the Christian form. I felt that earliest people (who had been closer to nature) would have been more likely to have the right of it. It still does prove there is an afterlife, but who knows? I still think it possible that spirits or ghosts could be real, but they are yet to be proven to exist. My wife is Catholic, as is her family, so we don't tell them about me so they don't go apoplectic on us. We were married by a judge, which my mother-in-law still bemoans.

___ One of the most essential tenets of my religion is "Do what thou wilt, but above all do no harm". Sounds pretty simple huh? You may be surprised to find out that is more restrictive then even the Christians "Ten Commandments". It enjoins me to be mindful of everything I do in my life and what consequences my actions will have upon other people, living things, or the earth. I must always strive to minimize the harm I do to others, if I can. I believe that you can do as you please (or find necessary), as long as you understand that whatever you do will always have consequences for you. Those consequences could be good or bad for you depending on your actions. Buddhists understand this and call it karma (as do I). While I am not always perfect I do understand that basic fact. It emphasizes the fact that you are responsible for your own actions and fate. You may not be able to control what you are born into, but you can control how you react to it. One of my Christian friends could never understand how I could be such a good person (his words, not mine) without being Christian, (I was an Atheist then). I explained to him that it was because I had a very strong set of moral and personal beliefs (instilled when I was young) that came from within me rather than being imposed on me from the outside. They were my actual beliefs and so were quite easy to follow.

___ For myself I take very few things seriously, preferring to maintain a healthy sense of humor about myself and the world around me. I have a very dry, sardonic wit and a well-developed sense of irony. Yes, I love British comedy! My wife always liked best that fact that I am a sarcastic clown and could always make her laugh, even when she was mad at me. It drives her crazy sometimes, but she says she loves it. I am personally dedicated to remaining a kid at heart and still seeing wonder in the world, but don't believe in immature behavior (jealousy, anger, greed, etc.)

___ What, you're still awake after all that? And sane? If you could take that last part, then you are made of stern stuff indeed my friend. I'll have to concede this round to you. Anyway enough about me, I can't stand any more, even if YOU can. Blah, blah, blah...

Sorry, you masochist, I'm all done now. Time to go somewhere else and torture yourself. Shoo!!

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Date Last Modified: Thursday March 19, 2009