|
Educatin' Northerners
|
If you are from the northern states and planning on
visiting or moving to the South, there are a few
things you should know that will help you adapt to the
differences in lifestyles:
|
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes,
The South has 'mater samiches.
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
|
|
|
|
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy,
The South has Jesse Helms.
|
The North has an ambulance,
The South has an amalance.
The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
|
|
|
|
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four
men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow
chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them,
just stay out of their way. This is what they live
for.
|
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in
the same store.... Don't buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural,
and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are
ya?"
|
|
|
|
You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or
child. This is short for "Y'all ought not do that!"
and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are
saying. They can't understand you either.
|
The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective
"big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All
of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no
longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense
here.
|
|
|
|
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch
this," you should stay out of the way. These are
likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of
even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence
is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't
matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
to go there.
|
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the
middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to
drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed
and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own
their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and
their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow
a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it
a driveway.
|
|
AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all,
if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call
'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't
related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into
a country music song fore you know it.
Note from GranGran: I received this in eMail with no author........BUT it had
to have been someone who has "been there, done that." :o)
Click the button below to send this page to a friend:
Return to
GranGran's Little Bit of Texas
Sign Guestbook
View Guestbook
Home
eMail
|