Just some thoughts:
Friends have asked me "Do you think about it everyday and are you scared? I
can honestly say "NO." I've always been fairly upbeat and positive about
everything. I've never felt that excessive worrying did much good in any
situation. From the very beginning I've had such a sense of peace about
everything: the diagnosis, the treatment and all my caregivers. For that I am
so very thankful. I think I mentioned way back in the beginning that I just
feel this is a pebble in my life I've got to step over. I've talked to so many
folks who do nothing but feel SHEER PANIC. That would be horrible.
In some ways I'm a totally different person than I was in June of last year
when CANCER became such an integral part of my life, but I think the
differences are positive rather than negative. I may not have been a worrier,
but I've definitely always been an over-achiever. If I did it; it had to be
the best. You know that saying "Stop and smell the roses?" Hey, that's what
life is all about. Slow down, don't fret the small stuff and
appreciate/cherish/embrace every positive aspect of your life. Do what you can
-- the rest is going to be there tomorrow -- and if not tomorrow, the next day.
Somehow I just never learned that before now.
OK, so I'm a little out of sequence timewise here, but I gotta tell you a
little more about Christmas. It was wonderful. First time in several years
that my two sons and my stepson and their families have been here.
My granddaughter, Jena, had the biggest surprise for me. (She'll be 13 in
March, 2006.) Her mama has always been very active in their local Walk For The
Cure and Jena and my son also participate. One of their fund raisers last year
was a cookbook with the first several pages being memorials/tributes.
One page is titled "
My GranGran
" and Jena wrote:
My GranGran...WOW! Where to start, such an AWESOME woman! For starters, she's
no ordinary grandmother, seems like every time I'm at her house she's got a new
gadget, or she's on the computer. Always has a new game or something. Her house
is full of things to mess with or explore through. But even with all the new
things we do and try - I experienced something new that I didn't want to. I
found out that she had cancer, and wasn't too happy, but I knew that she would
make it through. She did, and it seems like nothing ever happened. She is still
doing almost everything she's ever done and is still the crazy (yes, GranGran,
I said crazy) adventurous woman that she's always been!
..........and at the bottom of the page it says "Shirley Corley-Holland and
Jena Corley" and this picture:
Yep, that brought tears. No doubt about it. Remember folks, this child is the
ABSOLUTE love of my life. She puts the gran (ok. so we lost a D) in GranGran.
Now let me get a couple more pictures out of the way and then we'll get on with
life after chemo. Here's a "grown-up" picture of me and Jena and one of me and
all my kiddos. Lordy, I'm so proud of everyone of them.
LIFE AFTER CHEMO:
From what I've read -- and, believe me, I've read alot -- research is trying
to find a chemo treatment that won't cause hair loss. I'm here to tell you
that would be a GOOD thing! It's pretty traumatic looking at your BALD self in
the mirror.
I think/I hope I've handled it pretty well, but so many ladies really have a
major problem with this.
I've searched (Google & I have become BEST FRIENDS) and there is little to no
information on how quickly hair grows back other than 6 months to a year. I
wanted to know how much there would be after a month, two months, three months,
etc.
Ok, folks -- can't believe I'm doing this.........but here goes. NOPE, not
quit brave enough to show my face yet. :o) This is hair growth TWO months
after final chemo.
Another reaction from chemo I've had.........and not everybody does this. My
fingernails first got dark and then turned a yellowish color. My fingers were
actually sore........and, if fingernails can be sore -- they were too. I never
realized how much I used my fingernails as tools. I've had to cut them pretty
short. The top part (yellowish/brownish color) is turning loose. The white
near the cuticle is new growth. I'm probably going to lose the nails but, from
what I've been told there is already a new nail bed growing underneath and it
won't be too painful.
March 9, 2006:
Hair growth three months after final chemo. To me it seems ever so slow but
everybody else seems to think it is really growing. Eyebrows and eyelashes are
definitely coming back................and GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR also chin whiskers.
That I could live without.
April 9, 2006:
Hair grows so agonizingly slowly! This is four months after final chemo. No
complaints about eyelashes and eyebrows. They are flourishing! Wonder if
fertilizer would help the head hair? :o)
OK, folks -- you want to see something that really puts the hair growth into
perspective? A sweet little eMail friend of mine in Arkansas sent this to me
in an eMail and I just had to make a web page:
Attitude
May 9, 2006:
I know, I know -- I've been so lax in posting updates. I promise I'm gonna do
better. Hair growth five months after chemo. GROW, DANG IT, GROW!!!!!!!!
June, 2006:
Well, it's about time. It's almost starting to look like HAIR....albeit very
SHORT hair. And it's so much grayer now than it was before. Ronnie
asked what happened to the "pepper?" LOL
December 9, 2006:
ONE YEAR since my last chemo! And I'm here to tell you I certainly feel
better today than I did this time last year. Hair is looking more and more
normal every day. Guess time does "heal" all things, but it has been so very
hard to patiently wait while it grows.
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